Editor’s Note: “Marriage is like life – it is a field of battle, not a bed of roses.” said Robert Louis Stevenson. But our member hpt has some pointers which surely can make it so. Here’s what she has to say. Write in your contributions here
I am working women with a year old daughter. I am 2 years in to marriage. My husband is wonderful with his own limitations. We live in a joint family with in laws, brothers in law and their family. None of my family members are cruel. However, it doesn’t make my marriage life easier. I don’t think I could blame anyone for my condition. Because the society itself is so biased against women. So when I stepped in to marriage and thought all will be blissful, reality gave me a sharp look and shrugged me off!
All the general in law problems cropped up as soon as I got married. To add an interesting twist, I got pregnant in the next month of my wedding. Marriage is not a bed of roses had I imagined it to be. It is a never-ending game and that too a bloody tiring game with me against an entire family. When I miserably failed in every aspect of it, I was too frustrated that I want to end it by giving the ultimatum – Divorce!!!
With my husband’s help, I came out of that depression and leading a fine life low. However, I would never forget the lessons I learnt through it. Now I formed a system/rules/strategy to play this game fairly so that I don’t loose it altogether.
I don’t know what happened to my lousy mind, ever since I got married I become this ‘Hutch’ puppy dog and tagged on to my husband for every emotional need. This almost killed my marriage. Before marriage I worked for an IT company where one of my senior colleague literally abused my work. I never once felt the need to resign my job. I just don’t care about this and continued to work in spite of the troubled environment. I never felt very emotional. However, after marriage, a word from my MIL is enough to provoke a war between my husband and me. I attributed all my sorrow, happiness, fears and every other feeling to my husband that strained my relationship. Poor fellow. After a point, I realized unless and until I stop being an emotional fool in the marriage, no one is going to save me!
A lot of self-talk helps me to come out of it. Also controlling temper helps me enough. Even now, I am doing this sometimes. However, I am able to understand that I behave in so and so way because of being over-emotional. Now before I wage a war against someone, at least I give it a thought whether it’s really worth it!
Before marriage I used to think that one fine day I should resign my work and take care of my husband, Children and my extended family and be this typical daughter in law. Now this thought makes me shudder. I strongly believe that If at all my family lends their ears for my opinion however bitter it sounds for them, it is because I am financially sound. My financial independence makes them understand I am sticking to this marriage out of my own personal choice. If they think of abusing me, they know that I would walk out and lead a peaceful life. This keeps them out of line. Besides, I don’t know what would happen to my life if I am financially dependent on my husband and something happens for him. Will his extended family care? No, I will be treated as a crap.