A good wife makes a good husband and good Family!!

Editor's Note: Dear IL'ites, Vemala has shared some wonderful facts on what makes a marriage stronger and is featured here. Please have a look and share it with your friends. Vemala, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us. It has been chosen as the best of forums. Congratulations!
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Response to Induslady's Initiative : What’s the one thing a wife can do for a stronger marriage

The key to creating a happy relationship lies in choosing the right person. Like laying the foundations of a house, the way in which you choose a partner and understanding why you make the choices you do can make or break a relationship.

Blaming others for the pain we feel each time someone fails to live up to our expectations is no different than burning our tongue on coffee that's too hot to swallow, and then calling your cup an idiot! --Many times we do insist to call spouse,inlaws,SIL,FIL,BIL are idiots, they are just like Coffee Mugs.


Often when we fall in love or got married,We feel Life is beautiful and believe it is forever but slowly we encounter challenges and frustrations and wonder what went wrong. The truth is that no relationship is constant - it’s all a process of movement and growth . Accept changes are constant in Life.


Let’s divide Married life into 3 stages: Identifying the stages and knowing where you are headed can prepare you for what you are going to experience and can help you make the most of each stage .

1[SUP]st[/SUP] Stage : Connection and Romantic Love

In this stage, commonalities are found and communication occurs at great lengths. Phone bills may rise and wahtsapp status as busy all through the day. You have no time for food or sleep and feel you could spend the entire day talking and still not have enough time with each other .

2[SUP]nd[/SUP] Stage : Discovery and strains

Very difficult in stage in life. If you need pass through tough second stage in order to reach a deeper life-long bond

You suddenly see the differences more than the commonalities. Some couples cannot keep going and move away after this phase, so break-ups and divorces may occur. Other couples survive and in spite of everything find something that still connects them .

3[SUP]rd[/SUP] Stage : Self Awareness and Growth

Relations are redefined and modified. New mutual understanding sets the foundation for deeper respect and you cherish what you share together. You are able to supplement each other and support and empower each other .

Assumptions to Beware of!

• If my DH loves me, he should know what I want
• If I criticize my DH for disappointing me, He must improve.
• My DH should understand some expectations what I have because it comes as part of the job profile of being a my loving husband.
• If our expectations do not match or cannot be met, we are not compatible.

Where do expectations come from?.

Our expectations come from our own experiences in relationships and by observing partners see around us. Most expectations are based on basic emotional and physical needs we have as well as hopes for the ideal relationship. It’s not true. Everyone are unique. You and me or every reader is unique. You can’t have what others have. You don’t or never know the true story behind their relationships. Sometimes your partner may not understand your personal expectations because of communication difficulties, busy schedules or not knowing your expectations.

When couples fight : All couples fight. If you hear someone saying they never fight?. Check out if they ever talk! . Learn how to fight so that you both come out as Winners


Some tips for better Married life:

1. Give each other an appraisal once in A while. Evaluate and praise the good aspects and point out areas for improvement . You are the boss at home.
2. Develop and use networks. IL is the best place. There might be many others struggling with the same issues like you- meet and learn from them
3. Set yourself up for success not failure
4. Use strategies to derive maximum benefit from the least input.Learn multitasking and other skills such as time management.
5. Accept the differences
6. Relationship with the in-laws : Tons of information in IL
7. Discuss expectations with your partner : It is very important to be clear about each of your roles in running the household.
8. Discuss mutual goals & values
9. Being right versus being happy
   Striking a balance between what you think is right and what your DH thinks, is going to be crucial to keep the peace. Things are rarely black and white, so swimming in the grey is an essential part of a happy marriage! Don’t allow egos to get in the way of reaching an amicable agreement. Sometimes choosing to be happy over being right may be a better option. You don’t have to agree with everything that your partner feels but you can certainly respect their opinion without being disagreeable.
10. Give some space
11. Keep the romance alive
12. Don't hold on to your anger. Tell your DH as specifically as you can about what has made you angry - listen to him with an open mind as well.
13. What doesn't help?? Sulking, taking your anger out on someone else (often a helpless DS or DD) ??. None of these resolves the issue. If you want something to change, you have to talk about the problem.
14. Fighting (fairly) is good for a relationship. It keeps you communicating , helps you understand each other's needs and feelings better and work out better ways of relating. It adds spice to your life - and making up can be great!
15. Stay in touch with your friends and stay involved in activities that you enjoy. IL will help in this.

For Couples : We cannot escape from Marriage , but we CAN learn to manage it more effectively


Best of Luck... Suggestions, feedbacks are Welcome.

 

Yes.100%. That's the reason so much respect to Women in this society. Women can drive many things in positive direction . I don't know how far below proverb is true ,which I have over heard long back.
"90% of Men are corrupted and another 10% didn't get a chance"

 

Yes. Think before marriage what’s the purpose. Wife’s are more sensitive than Husband. So , It’s one of the precaution to take care before selecting right person(Many Can ask, do I have choice?).

I WANT TO GET MARRIED BECAUSE...

1.My parents/relatives are forcing me to get married...
2.I am lonely and unhappy, marriage will change all that
3.There are so many problems in my family . I want to be free from them
4. am lonely and unhappy, marriage will change all that
5.Marriage will make me financially secure
6.He works abroad, and I’ve always wanted to live abroad --> Dangerous one.
7. I’m getting older, my friends are already married, I should not delay anymore


These are NOT good reasons to get married for several reasons. They are short-lived - once the need is met, or the partner fails to fulfill them, the marriage itself seems to lose its meaning.

Some of the RIGHT reasons

1. You are in love with one another
2. Having a common purpose in life
3. A desire for companionship
4. Willingness to fulfill one another's dreams and needs
5. You have enjoyed a secure and solid relationship

If you are already married and are regretting having married for the wrong reasons, it’s not too late. You could work to create a purpose within your marriage that would make both of you strive towards and keep your marriage going.

Wife's are good in Multitasking compared to DH...So, Wife can really work on few things to work towards better Life.