Editor’s Note: Marriage means making a choice. Choose correctly and deal with it. There is no use blaming others. This is what our IL member Vemala feels. Tell us your thoughts here.

The key to creating a happy relationship lies in choosing the right person. Like laying the foundations of a house, the way in which you choose a partner and understanding why you make the choices you do can make or break a relationship. 

Blaming others for the pain we feel each time someone fails to live up to our expectations is no different than burning our tongue on coffee that’s too hot to swallow, and then calling your cup an idiot! –Many times we do insist to call spouse,inlaws,SIL,FIL,BIL are idiots, they are just like Coffee Mugs

Often when we fall in love or got married, We feel Life is beautiful and believe it is forever but slowly we encounter challenges and frustrations and wonder what went wrong. The truth is that no relationship is constant – it’s all a process of movement and growth . Accept changes are constant in Life. 

Let’s divide Married life into 3 stages: Identifying the stages and knowing where you are headed can prepare you for what you are going to experience and can help you make the most of each stage . 

1st Stage : Connection and Romantic Love

In this stage, commonalities are found and communication occurs at great lengths. Phone bills may rise and whatsapp status as busy all through the day. You have no time for food or sleep and feel you could spend the entire day talking and still not have enough time with each other . 

2nd Stage : Discovery and Strains 

Very difficult in stage in life. If you need pass through tough second stage in order to reach a deeper life-long bond 

You suddenly see the differences more than the commonalities. Some couples cannot keep going and move away after this phase, so break-ups and divorces may occur. Other couples survive and in spite of everything find something that still connects them . 
3rd Stage : Self Awareness and Growth 

Relations are redefined and modified. New mutual understanding sets the foundation fordeeper respect and you cherish what you share together. You are able to supplement each other and support and empower each other .

Assumptions to Beware of!

  • If my DH loves me, he should know what I want
  • If I criticize my DH for disappointing me, He must improve.
  • My DH should understand some expectations what I have because it comes as part of the job profile of being a my loving husband.
  • If our expectations do not match or cannot be met, we are not compatible.