Reasons for divorce

Their spouse might disagree

 

Well having an affair is not wrong but when you hide it from your spouse that is wrong.

 

@smartlady,

Everybody has a story, its upto the individual to beleive, some maybe be 50% true, some true 100%.
But, when you stick the blame on impotence or indfedilty, then the other side cannot ask many questions as followup.

Im pretty sure your friend is right, Im not disputing that.

I guess flowerlady has replied aptly to the original post !

 

An EMA can never be justified unless the couple is in an open marriage where both are free though married.
Being in armed forces or film industry does not mean that an EMA is fine.
Its said that a sailor has a wife in every port , but the the wife is always in a port !
What are 'safe' EMA proof careers???

A lot of politics goes on in a bad marriage where a spouse may punish the other by refusing intimacy but be intimate with his/her next partner.
Generally impotency arises from infidelity when an H falls for another woman.
Similarly a DW too may refuse intimacy but be cosy with another man.

 

Dear OP,
Unfortunately, no one will tell you the truth if the cause of divorce was incompatibility with Ils or husband. And even if they do, they will put the whole blame on the other person. I would suggest try to get to know the potential guy before deciding. Meet him several times, chat with him, meet with his family several times, visit his home if possible. Don't rush into anything. It's better to be safe than sorry.

 

this is really challenge and risky affair. The potential groom will never admit that it's because of his mistakes that the marriage headed to divorce. So you cant really trust what they are telling. Same goes for them. They may doubt you too. Only thing you can do is a background check for them to confirm whether they are geuine or not. Nowadays there are private detectives who do the work for you. Please check your options

 

Most of the divorce happens because man are angry, impulsive, mommy boy and consider woman as a Pau Ki Jooti. They all end up in high courts. Good for them because the divorce starts to rewire their brain. They start to think differently and change their faulty pattern of thinking. They become less angry, less impulsive and respect woman. It is equivalent to CBT- Cognitive behavior therapy which psychologist do to change faulty thinking patterns.

There is no woman is this world who will spoil her ' Happy Nest'. The nature has wired woman in such a way that her ultimate goal is a 'happy nest'- Husband and Babies. Having said that, there are some woman who are angry/impulsive by nature and they end up spoiling their nest. My cousin sister is one of them. She is an angry woman and she ruined her happy nest. Her husband is a software engineer in California and she kept blaming him for small issues. Poor guy. I have observed her 4 year old daughter is also learning anger from mom and baby girl is showing impulsive behavior.

However the proportion of woman who are angry/impulsive is small as compared to man.

These personality problems are learned in an environment in which kid is raised. Man who are angry/impulsive, they have learned from their father or mother or grandparents. The learned behaviors are not genetically passed. The brain can be rewired any time and behavior can be changed and divorce is a realization which changes man behavior.

The only case where a woman is at fault is if she cant give baby. I read one profile at shaadi.com and she said her only reason for divorce is she cant conceive. So i think gynecologist check is a must to make sure she can conceive if she and her husband wants to have baby.

Yes man impotency and infidelity are other reasons as well but from my experience, these again make up small number of cases.

1 case out of every 3 in Delhi High court is a divorce case. 33-40% divorce rate in metros. Most of the divorce reasons which both parties put up is incompatibility. So why there is incompatibility between 2 human beings? The reason is we are now 'human minds' rather then 'human beings'. One human mind is interacting with another giving judgments, criticism, conflict, chaos. A human being is full of peace, calm and non judgmental. All relations are dysfunctional if 2 human minds interact with each other.

I feel sorry for those innocent divorced woman who have to go through hell of staying with a husband who has personality issue. The biggest personality issue is anger/impulsiveness. In impulsivity, a male can hit her physically and if not physically, keep hitting her with cruel and heartbreaking verbal comments which ultimately lead to breakdown of a realtionship. Not all males are angry/impulsive. But most of the cases belong to this category.

It is unlucky for her as she now with a divorced tag, she needs to find another husband within divorce community. But on a brighter side, a divorce changes man completely and he is now a better human being. Impotency can be checked, personality issues have been improved (not completely solved but improved to have a healthy relationship). Infidelity i dont think is an issue. He may have an affair in past but if a divorced man is ready to mingle, i am sure he is quite serious, learned a lesson and wants to have a healthy realtionship. Atleast he will try much better then last time.

From male point of view, assess her personality, her behavior. You dont want to end up with a girl who is mind blowing angry. The final is gyne check up- Thats must if you want to start a family. If a guy is impotent, there are many girls who cant conceive.

But one good thing i have observed is if woman know they cant conceive, they will tell it upfront. Many profiles i have seen at shaadi.com and jeevansaathi.com where women have clearly stated they cant conceive.

 

Yes one should not be impulsive..
But most women (me included) would become angry/impulsive becoz of actions of egoistic dominant men. Had they cared well enough these sort of situations wont arise.. I never blamed on small issues though.. but some thing really matter. eg: Men like my ex would pump whole of the salary to inlaws , enjoys himself and do not bother to give single pie or buy some thing or take for romantic outing (not even for a walk)..this things look really silly and simple but it is not so simple. On top of that I had to bear his rantings .For how long can a wife be in four walls without any enjoyment (not even tv with cable connection abroad) and work like a house maid? I would prefer being independent and divorced is better than living with such an idiot.

 

Cupcake
I am sure you take all of their reasons with a pinch of salt....still , my views....
An acquaintance ( a well educated, so-called cultured guy!) got a legal divorce stating " mental instability of wife " as a reason......we know his wife, a nice, well mannered , educated lady. She was just so sick of his MCP ways and fedup of playing the second fiddle! It took him just a few weeks from divorce to find another girl....it seems he has now made her the scapegoat !
We know this flamboyant, sly guy well by now, no sane female can live with him for more than few weeks! His polished flawless exterior is just a public façade!
There are many genuine cases as well, as they say " hanging and wiving go by destiny"..good luck !
Mega