Editor’s Note: A lovely post by our IL member SGBV about a small child who was not hers. And yet became hers. Read on and share your motherly moments wis us too, here. 

I still miss you Maryam

Its been almost 3 years since we’ve met each other. Things have changed from both the ends. I am sure, you are a grown up child, and soon becoming a teenager. But I still miss your childhood and love. 

I have my own son, and I am going to have my own daughter too. But I can not simply take away my mind from your thoughts, since you were the first child to this virgin mother. 

I still remember the day.. It was 11.11.2005. You were just 11 months old then. Your mom was trying hard to feed you something by showing every possible thing of the nature. Her fingers slowly turned towards my scooty, which was parked next to my office compound, that was visible from your balcony. 

Coincidentally I started my bike at that moment, that created a strange noise as if it was trying to impress you.

That was our first meeting. You clapped your hands with unexplainable happiness, and forced your mom to take you near me/my bike. The poor lady came down with a weird uncomfortable smile towards me, as she had no choice other than pleasing you.
I did not know that you came as a blessing to her life after 10 long years of her TTC attempts. 

You wanted to sit in my bike, and then demanded for a joy ride. Come on… Being a 22 year old young girl, I didn’t even know how to properly carry a kid, then how could one expect me to take a tiny kid like you for a joy ride. I refused… 

Also I remember the other reason for my refusal then. Yes, I hate kids, as they urinate impulsively in our dresses, and that time I had worn a beautiful kurta, that could only be dry cleaned. How mad I was!

The poor mom had no choice, but took you away from the scene with a disappointing face. You cried loud, made a scene so that everyone would question about me. I got mad at you, and allowed you to sit in my bike for a fake ride. I didn’t know how much sense a kid at your age can have to differentiate between a real and fake ride in a bike. 

You were satisfied, and waved a Tata… Relieved me… escaped from the scene in no time…. God.. How terrible a kid could be?

The saga continued the next day… You were dressed up well, of course with a diaper today, and waiting outside of our office car park. Her mom, again with a weird uncomfortable smile told me… “She wants the same ride from you today as well”. But I had a cool mood that day… May be I had some positive responses from the office, and you were also dressed up well. I took you for a real ride, just around the office. 

The third day, when the same thing happened, you refused to get down from the bike… and forced me to take you to my home. 

We were helpless. The poor mom had no choice, but to please me again for this favour. But she also feared as she knew nothing about me other than my name. 

When I was carefully taking you to my home, I noted a middle aged guy was also following us. He parked his car at my home as soon as I parked my bike. 

My mom came out with a puzzled face to see me with a kid, and a man following us. Then only we all learnt that it was your dad who had no choice, but to follow you. We all became friends from that very moment.

It has become as a habit of yours to wait for me at the office gate, and for my remaining family members to wait for you at our home gate in the evening. Your poor dad also had to come back and forth to take you out from our place, as you always refuse to go with him, until you feel sleepy and remember your mom beside you.

Your trips increased, as we became family friends. You rather spent most of your times at our place, and became as a part of our family. 

I learnt what a joy a child could bring to a family after your arrival only. Our lives were filled with unexplainable happiness and fulfilment with your baby language and funny activities. We all scheduled our days as per your time table.

You pretended to help my mom at the kitchen. You ordered all of us like our dad, and demanded us to be home 24/7 as you need us. 

Meanwhile, your mom became pregnant, and her pregnancy sickness made you completely become our responsibility for those several months. 

You were also one of the reasons behind our normal life after the sudden demise of our dad. We indeed started living normally just to make you comfortable, else we would have gone starving and lazing as we had no meaning to regain our lives then. 

Everyone started questioning us as to who is this new child? Why they are keeping her? 

Our immediate relatives always made jealous remarks as to why would we entertain a child from a different family than helping out some poor kids within our own families. On the other hand, your parents were extremely uncomfortable in convincing their side of the people to leave you with us. They knew our bond is something unbreakable, but they could not rightly express this to their folks. 

We celebrated Ramadan and Haj because of you. You guys celebrated X mas and Easter because of us. We all could see only the pure love between us, that is beyond all the limitations.

I missed you for the first time when I got married and moved out of town. I heard that you also cried loud, and felt lonely without me. 

Time did not allow us to enjoy our relationship that easily. Neither I could take you with me, nor did your parents live without you. 

We parted, and said our last good bye when you finally left all of us for good. 

Maryam is a big 08 year old beautiful girl now. She lives in Canada with her parents, as they all moved there some 3 years back

Although we chat on skype and communicate by all the other means, I still feel the emptiness in my home and heart without her presence.

This post is dedicated to Maryam, my first child