Editor’s Note: It is time for us women to break free from abusive relationships. To show the world that we are beautiful and intelligent. And that we can make it on our own. Here’s a heart warming story from our member dream.girl. Share yours with us here.
When I started writing this thread I was thinking where to start .As my life is not a straight road and things have changed quite fast in the last 4 years. Things which have changed my life forever.
Coming to my background I am simple and naive girl who like studying, having fun with friends and enjoying life. That was it till last 4 years. Suddenly everything has changed when I got married in 2005. Lots of problems happened before and after marriage. Lots of fights between elders and my inlaws did not even allow me to say bye to parents.
My inlaws abused my parents as they were not satisfied with the marriage rituals and gifts. My husband (now ex) started giving lectures how a dil cum wife should behave in their family, rules, regulations and what not.
Then I stepped in to a alien country in a month of marriage. I had no one to talk to. My husband left me on the next day itself in friends place. We slept separately almost for 2 weeks as he was angry on me and my parents. He started telling how I good wife should be. There were fights and physical and mental abuse. He threatened to send me back to India or give divorce If I didn’t listen whatever he said.
After a while got admission in M.S..It was a very new area to me. My husband promised to help me but he did that with lot of tauntings. He branded me that I am a piece of waste who cannot do anything.
We went to India 4 years back. Again there were fights between him and me and it got extended to Parents. He left me alone in India saying that he wants to stay separately for a few months. He said to everyone in India that I don’t take care of him, I do not cook, I do not study well, I sleep a lot and that I had become fat. He challenged that I will never graduate from my master’s.
Even though I dared to go to his house in foreign country, by the time I reached he shifted his place and gave a notice period of couple of months to vacate the house.I was left alone, no one to talk, sleepless nights, crying till midnights, undergone in to depression, anxiety problems.I tried to contact him but refused to meet me, sent divorce papers, went back to india begged his parents and him..but of no use..
I decided to go back from India to the foreign country and continue my studies. I could not concentrate because of disturbance in personal life. Gone around court and lawyers for 1 yr to stop divorce but in vain because of this country rules…completely was in depression till last year.
Got final divorce and then decided to move on. I started studying again writing the exams again and again but did not pass. Even though I did not stop writing I went to psychiatric counseling and started taking anti-depressants..After many trials I passed my exams..(My lecturers also got tired of me).Luckily I got my Project under the supervision of our group leader and I completed doing extra credits than required Then the Financial Problems..visa problems started killing me. I found a part time job to support myself..also got scholarship from the university..I was not able to buy even proper clothes..went to second hand shop to buy required things..suffered with different flatmates behaviour.In this whole scenario the people who supported me emotionally and financially are my mom and dad.
I started thinking about the future…thought of doing another master’s as of not confident of getting phd because of less grades in couple of subjects.Started searching for Master programmes..then one day by God’ grace I saw a PHd position in europ’s top university and also a world famous university. Decided to call that Professor and fixed a meeting with that him..He was so excited to see my CV..saying that he is waiting for an applicant like me having studies in two different background as the his Project need it…With in an hour of discussion he Said that “from now you are my student and this Position is your’s”..I was completely surprised moreover shocked..couldn’t believe it.
I am going to Graduate in couple of months and will start doing my Phd, in my favourite field.
Today I am a successful lady, My parents, friends, relatives are very proud of me and they were completely surprised that I did it everything singlehandedly..Now I can live anywhere in this world and also can tackle different people.
I am no more that old naive girl but transformed myself in to a brave , smart and beautiful girl. I thank my ex that he has left me If not I would have never explored myself and become successful..If my ex comes to know that I am going to do my doctoral studies he will go red with jealousy.
My life has turned in to different turns in last 4 to 5 years and by god’s grace now I can sleep well at nights saying to myself that can take care of myself very well..
I request the girl’s who are in abusive marriage please do not continue living like that..fight for your rights..Marriage is just part of your life but not life..and we get in to it..to start a new life but not to end life…We all deserve a good life with an understanding Partner
