Editor’s Note: There are some relationships where both mental and physical intimacy is of paramount importance. Neglecting either of this can result in cracks in the bond. So how important is the need for being physically close? Our member cheenu123 tells us more. Share your thoughts with us here. 

I have posted here a couple of times that I am married for a year and that I have a very good relationship with my DH but we both have still not consummated our marriage. Moreover, after marriage since I was on OCP, i gained a lot of weight, have PCOD and erratic mood swings.

Yesterday we went to a new gynaecologist who listened to us very patiently and then examined me thoroughly. I was really convinced with her since she told me to relax at the time of intercourse and with determination and her psychological as well as medical assistance, we will be able to overcome this hurdle soon.

But one thing that greatly disturbed me is the fact that the doctor said that your husband has been very patient all this while and that you are depriving him of something good and hence it is a crime on your part. She further added that you have to cooperate with him.

On our way back, my husband appeared quite happy. Later that day, I confronted him, I told him that the reason why we both went together was to have a conversation with the doctor, put forth the problems that we face and arrive at a solution.

I asked him tell me:
1. If my legs are stretched optimally, would you be able to locate my vagina (which he is not)?
2. Would you able to insert your organ? 

He says that he has never got enough space to do all these things. I was aghast!!

The truth is that:
1. He has a very very very poor sex derive
2. He doesn’t know the right technique
3. He can’t have an erection when required
4. If he has an erection he cant hold it

I confronted him with all these questions to which he remained quiet.

I am sick and tired of this vicious circle now. I plan to have a discussion with him today that this is killing me. I am very angry and disappointed with myself and him. He dint have the courage to come clean in front of the doctor yesterday and now the entire blame is on me.

It is not the guilt but his silence yesterday at doctor’s and then at home that’s driving me insane.

I was so angry that i wanted to tell him to seek divorce from me, have a second wedding, have children, and spare me and yourself from this guilt of an unsuccessful sex life.