We all have problems. I wish I could reach out to everyone, hold their hands and say, “You will come out of this crisis, stronger than you are now!” Yes that’s what happened to me and I am sure others too. Every huge problem that seems to be crushing you down and smothering you right now will only make you stronger if only you can just accept it and weather it out!
I have some beliefs that I have formed over long years of experience. Every one of these beliefs is the result of a big problem. These are lessons that I learned the very hard way. I believe that everyone will not accept them, as to some, especially newlyweds these may seem unromantic, cold etc. But this post will definitely help those who are already facing problems in their marriage.
- The most important person in your life is YOU. Not your kids, not your hubby, not your parents. You will have to take care of yourself first before taking care of others you love. I learnt this after I had my baby. I had no help and I was always taking care of the baby when she was awake and cooking and cleaning when she was asleep and was miserable as I had no life of my own to live. Slowly I started doing things I liked such as reading, browsing, and music instead of cleaning or cooking an elaborate dinner when my daughter was sleeping. I relaxed myself and when my daughter was up I was able to enjoy my time with her. Of course the house was a mess but who cares!
- Never depend on anyone else to be happy. Never depend on anyone else to make you happy. Being happy is like a job. You have to do it. It is not optional.
- Contrary to a lot of ideas you may have got from movies and novels accept the fact that you and your husband are really 2 individuals. Nothing bad about that. If you can accept that, then most of your problems will be solved by themselves.
- He can have things that he likes, and you may not like them. Instead of forcing yourself do those things with him and ending up bitter, just happily let him do what he wants to and you do things you like.
- Do not always expect him to do things to make you happy. You do things to make yourself happy. When you are happy you automatically will do things that will make him happy
- If he is upset or depressed with something try to find out why. If he doesn’t respond just let him be. Men are like that. They don’t like to open out when they are upset. When he is better, once again let him know you are willing to listen about the problem, but if he still doesn’t want to talk about it, let it go! 75% of the time I don’t know why my hubby was upset. I used to get obsessed about it wondering what could be wrong. Then finally I just let go. I let him wallow in his misery for some days and just wait for him to become normal.
- Just because he is upset or angry doesn’t mean that you have to have a long face and give him back the silent treatment. You be cheerful, doing the things you usually do! Talk to him about routine things around the house or jokes, stuff you normally talk about. Talk to friends, play with your kids, go out for a walk, shopping etc. Use this as the time that you have for yourself, which is a big treat for you. That way you won’t be down because he is upset and he can’t be upset for a long time because you are cheerful around him.
- Now what if you are upset. Do things you love to do. Music always cheers me up. Still upset? Talk about your problem to friends. Still upset? Have a good cry (preferably alone), cry your heart out without any inhibitions.
- Still upset? If this is with your husband … write to him … seriously a letter will help. If you talk you may cry and not complete what you wanted to say or, yell and say things you never mean or, he may not be in a mood to listen to you. With a letter you will have control over your emotions and not write anything you regret.
- Still upset!!!! Go to the internet and read the news, look at pictures of a war going on, people killed in bombing, murdered, raped, child marriages, children kidnapped etc. You will feel grateful for what you have and realize how insignificant your problem is.
- 10. Times when you feel that you two are caught up in a routine and don’t really spend quality time together, just drop all your work and go and give him a big hug and a kiss. Don’t wait for him. This is your happiness too. Go and do something about it. Then go back to your work. You make a practice of this you can see the difference.
- Do not worry about what others say or think. Do what you feel is right for you without hurting others. You are accountable to yourself first for all your actions.
- Your child is your responsibility. Your kid shapes her thoughts, habits and beliefs of the world and about herself after you. So whatever your life maybe like portray a confident, brave, loving and cheerful parent before her. More than an expensive education, your child learns a lot from her happy parents. That is the foundation for them.
- If you feel that your husband is not taking care of the kids and you are overloaded just drop everything and ‘become’ sick for a day. You will be surprised how well your husband can take care of things around the house. They are just lazy and know that they have a choice. If they don’t do it you will. But when you crash he will rise to the occasion. This is 100% true. Everything has to be learnt. Soon your kid may want dad for certain things and you will be more relieved
So be happy and confident and everyone around you will follow suit.