Editor’s Note; Getting married is only the beginning. Staying in the relationship and that too happily is what’s most important. So how does one remain so? Here are some of the rules that Nd123, one of our IL members has laid down. Visit our forum Here and tell us what you think.
Money ( I am working so this is from my perspective)
Keep a separate account for yourself. Contribute to a common account for household expenses but keep most of your savings in your own control. This gives you a sense of control and increases your confidence. Do not let in laws control the money that you earn. If you can earn you can manage it.
Do not let in laws be the guardians of your jewellery or savings. Its better to put up a fight early than to let it go in the beginning and crib later. This almost never ends well.
Do not lend money to relatives. If you do, consider it as a gift and forget about it.
If in laws ask for money. Don’t give anything that you earned ( unless you want to). If DH wants to give, then make sure he contributes half to household and don’t worry about the rest because you anyway can’t control that so why stress about it?
Once you give to in laws or relatives accept that you can’t do anything if they waste the money. Just let go.
Companionship and Romance
Stop chasing your husband. More you chase, faster he will run. Let him come to you
Ignore him once in a while. Let him realize that you can have fun without him. This keeps him from taking you for granted.
Accept that he can have fun without you too. So let him hang out with his family or friends.
Do the things he likes once in a while but let him know sweetly that you are doing it for him and please don’t sulk or barter ( i do this for you then you do this for me)
If you feel that you are doing more things for him than he is doing for you, then stop doing those things and explain that you feel that you are being taken advantage of. Don’t blackmail that you’ll stop or barter. Let him offer …
Work really hard at being happy and having fun. He will want to join the fun.
They are your in laws not your parents or monsters. Accept that they will always look out for their son.
Maintain a decent distance from them. Don’t get too close and don’t blabber or gossip with them. They are constantly judging you.
If they offend you, tell them there and then. Be polite but don’t be a pushover.
You are an adult. Act like one. Don’t come running to your husband for everything.
If husband says that he will fight with in laws for what they did to you, then let him. They have had a great relationship with each other without your help so don’t interfere.
I personally believe that most of the fights about housework can be resolved with a maid but one thing that I can say is be fair and begin as you mean to go on.
Also please don’t kill yourself trying to be super woman.Just because you can do everything does not mean you have to. Leave some time to relax and do the things you enjoy.
Set an expiration date to all fights and complaints. Don’t keep complaining about things that happened months or years ago. Achieves nothing.
Don’t fight dirty. Control yourself when you are fighting. Remember you still have to live with him and some words are never forgotten.
Your husband is not your father, he doesn’t need to protect you from everything or talk for you. He is also not your son so you stop trying to fix his character, or teach him good habits or tell him how to manage his money. He has been living well even before he met you so he doesn’t need you to teach him how to live his life.
Respect each other. Even if the other person’s actions seem absurd to you or just plain wrong.
Pick your battles. Don’t compromise on things that are important to you but let go of the little things that bother you.
Be nice. To him and to in laws but don’t hold an account. It has a huge effect.
Be happy and he will too. He wont know why but happiness is contagious.
Always remember he is just a part of your life and not your entire life and behave accordingly.