Editor’s Note: These are our member, attitudegirl‘s thoughts on marriage. She asks herself whether marriage has changed her and if her parents would be proud of her today or not. We should also ask ourselves these questions. Tell us what you think here.
Just wanted to pen down my thoughts.
How I came across this site beats me to think what kind of a person I have become as of today.. I was looking for ways to irritate my ILs like they irritate me. Am I the same person i was before marriage? Is this what my parents have taught me, imbibed in me. Will they be proud of me if they know?
To start with ,I was married at the age of 20 and had a DD at 21 and DS at 23. Life was full of ups and downs. I was so naive and good natured. Always my ILs used to take precedence in my thoughts. I always wanted to please them, be like a DD to them. Take care of them in old age, be a support to them. I wanted to listen to what advice they wanted to give me. But did i get any? I leave it up to anybody’s guess…
Here I was neglecting my health, my kids, my DH cos all I could think of was, if I do something will they approve. We should leave them at Customs they’ll do an awesome job at scrutinizing. I was so afraid, so scared.
Then after 9 years of marriage, reality bit me. I was pregnant again I had screwed my health by this time.. Did anyone take care of me? I was punishing myself with so many bitter thoughts. I was so obsessed by my ILs attitude that I was punishing those around me too.
It was a reality check for me. For better or for worse, I turned into a stronger person. I started to give a heck to those who are not important in my life. I am not put on this earth to please or entertain everybody. I’ll do what I want to do not what they expect me to do.
My priorities changed. I am the MOTHER of my kids, I know what is best for them, I don’t need someone dictating to me how to raise them after 10 years of motherhood. Any advice is welcome, but whether I take or not is up to me. If it gives pleasure to someone by taunting me, I wont give u that pleasure by showing it on my face. I’ll pretend I didn’t get that taunt.
The reason I am posting in married life section is that above all how my perspective of my DH has changed. Ours was an arranged marriage, but the understanding and compatibilty we share makes anyone think its a love marriage.
Yes, like any other couple, we scream, we yell, we fight like mad dogs. But only to bounce back better and stronger in our relationship. There were times, I have cried myself to sleep with a careless DH by my side. There were times, I wanted to end my life. There were times when I wanted to run away from everything. There were times, I wanted to divorce him. But still our feelings and love for each other never faded.
We loved each other, but deep down in my heart I felt he wont stand up to me whenever I need him. Because of a series of events, I thought always he gave preference to his family rather than me. This “”feeling”” was killing me. I spent 2 years like this. It was getting to a point where we couldn’t stand each other. He was becoming emotionally distant for me. As days were passing, so was our distance.