Taking Care of Me
Ok, This may sound selfish, but this is what I exactly advocate to myself. Be selfish. If I expect my DH or IL would take care of me, then I will be a laughing stock. The bitter truth is no one is going to take care of me. Hence I take care of myself as a princess. Everybody else comes next to me, even my daughter. All were blessed with beautiful life. So I don’t have to live for others. It is their job to do that.
I go out alone and enjoy the food I like. I go alone and purchase stuffs that I adore. I gift myself and encourage me to do things that I want to achieve. I splurge on beauty products. I regularly do facials. I exercise in spite of my hectic work schedule. I diet to look good. I do everything to keep myself happy, content, and confident. Only if I feel good, I could play the damn game with others. Expecting others to do it is a total waste of time.
Handling Issues Directly
Another issue I learnt with lot of difficulty is ‘Handling issues with IL directly’. Earlier I used to run to my husband like a wounded child whenever my in-laws rubs me. Just like nobody is going to take care of me, nobody is going to defend me as well. Either I handle it or ignore it. Handling or ignoring depends on the intensity of issue. I am not a saint to bite a bullet and ignore all the ill treatments. If something sounds atrocious to me, I speak out for myself. But I never ever repeat the mistake of involving my DH in the family trivia. If my co-sister gives me a hard time, I learnt to give her an equal hard time. I don’t want to chase my husband for it. If my MIL or FIL throws tantrums, I give cold replies then and there.
Be Guilt Free
After marriage, I realized, we women were troubled with unnecessary guilt. Blame the society for it. If I go out with my husband, I should feel guilty for leaving my in laws. If I want to set up a nuclear family, I should feel guilty for leaving IL. If I leave my kid with my parents and go for a beauty treatment, I should be guilty for being so selfish. If I don’t cook for a day, I should feel guilty for being irresponsible. If I come late from office, I should feel guilty for not taking care of my kid. Damn the guilt. I refuse to budge for any of these sentiments. I consider them silly.
Pursue Hobbies
I love reading books. Also I blog a lot. Before marriage I always dream of having a huge personal library for me. As soon as I stepped in to the wedlock, I gave death kiss to books & blogs. I almost lost my passion to read books. This was a grave mistake. When I don’t do something, which I always cherish to do, my self-confidence takes a tumble and feel like now why am I living this worthless life. Am I being invented to serve DH, IL and others? This wicked thought once played devil in my mind. Now, no matter what I find time to do things that I love to do. This brings me lots of fulfilment to my life.
Don’t Chase
This technique I always use against my husband. Just like most male my husband once was a momma boy. He just loves his mommy. So after a hard working day, when I wait for him to share all my life sorrows and desires, he most pleasurably chit-chat with his mother and would blindly ignore me. The more I request him to come and talk with me, more happily he spent time with others.
One fine day, I stopped looking for him altogether. I created my own world and started to enjoy it. He tried to speak with me, but I gave this careless look and continued to do what I do. I did this for one month. Now he got the taste of his own medicine. The lesson is don’t chase things. They will come to me if I ignore it.
