Editor’s Note: Being happily married is not easy. It needs a lot of patience and a lot of adjustment. Read to find out what our IL member iyerviji feels. Share your stories and thoughts with us on how you made your marriage work here.
When a woman marries she is not only married to a man but also to the family. Its the union of two families and it is in the hands of the woman to make the marriage successful.
I was married at a time when parents used to believe that woman should adjust to the family they are married and once married they did not want their daughter to come back to their house. They are told whatever it is they should adjust and be a role model in the house. Since each family is different and we are brought up in a different manner in our house, it takes time to adjust and once we adjust then no problem to lead a happy life. First we have to know each one’s nature and be with them accordingly.
Some come from a well to do family and if they are married to a family where they have to be economical it becomes difficult for them. Its necessary for them to adjust with them and be economical because of this they have differences. So better think before getting married to such a family so that they don’t have regrets later.
I was married to a big family and each and everyone including the men were all experts in cooking. I was not so good in cooking, so beginning it was difficult for me as I felt inferior to them. But they were all good with me and whenever any function is there they never used to keep any caterer in the earlier days as that time they were not well off and everyone used to be seen in the kitchen. Since I had not seen my brothers in the kitchen I used to feel odd. But slowly I adjusted and learnt everything with the help of my dh. Now everyone is well settled and now they keep caterers for any function.
My husband is a very simple man and has come up in life because of his being economic and if we are leading a peaceful and happy life in our retired life its because of his being economic. Where as I spend a lot and in the beginning it was difficult to be without spending. Later I myself learnt because of him that should spend only for what is necessary. Seeing everyone’s house I also used to feel like having modern things and he used to tell me let people come to our house for us and not for the things we are having. When his mother was there he used to tell me that you both are my two eyes. He always used to be in the side of the person who is right, like if I am wrong he will correct me and if his mother is wrong he used to tell her .
As I was taught from childhood to adjust I did not find difficulty in doing that and was liked by everyone in my in law’s family. My sisters in law were very loving and give me respect We used to have some differences but that was only for a short time . For any functions everyone used to work like a team and outsiders always used to say your family is a Role Model to everyone. Our neighbors used to envy seeing all of us so happy. Whatever differences or fights are there in a family we should keep it among the four walls because one day there will be fight and the next day it will become alright. When there is any argument between the spouse they should not have it in front of the children because it might affect them.
We should never go for looks because they are deceptive. We should always go for a person who has a good heart and makes us smile to make a dark day seem bright. The moments we spent with our special people have to be treasured. Most women are very fond of their sons and when the son gets married they feel insecure. So instead of worrying about that we should be happy that someone is there to worry about our husband and should not go in between them as the mother has the first right, then only the wife . Later the same wife becomes the mother and she will understand. Some sons like their mother’s cooking very much and if the wife is not so good in cooking they praise their mother’s cooking. Instead of worrying about that it is better to learn to cook well and one day mil will definitely appreciate her dil .