To deal with betrayal of a spouse is painful. Infidelity is a distressing situation that can kill a marriage. And yet some marriages survive in spite of infidelity of a spouse.
If you have just learnt that your husband has cheated on you, then be prepared to feel a lot of negative feelings like anger at him for doing this to you; hurt and shock of being at the receiving end of a broken trust; and depressed with life for handing to you something you feel you so clearly do not deserve. A cheating spouse creates havoc with our beliefs, and emotions, and our confidence levels. Getting over this trauma is not easy. And yet, some people seem to cope better with life after infidelity than others.
So what is it about them that makes them come out of this situation with astonishingly fewer scratches?
Don’t be Hasty
To survive infidelity, it’s important not to decide on anything in haste, which may cause regret later. To hit back because your spouse has hurt you, may not be the ideal solution to mend or break a relationship that is already being strained to its maximum capacity. There are as many instances of couples breaking up because of infidelity, as there are also cases of couples endeavoring to keep the marriage from falling apart. Any decision, to keep the marriage or to break it, needs to be taken in a calmer frame of mind, by talking it out with the spouse.
Analyse your Relationship
Often, infidelity causes are deeply entrenched within the marriage itself. Relationship between couples which is sheer fun, thriving, loving and full of companionship stands a better chance of remaining strong through admitting mistakes and forgiveness. On the other hand, marriages having problems ranging from individual perceptions and thinking to lack of warm loving relationships, may break at the hint of an extramarital affair. It’s often easier to forgive a husband having a one-night stand as a mistake, than a husband who cheats regularly, as habitual cheating may be a part of the personality of the husband. On the flip side, a truly forgiving spouse makes a cheating spouse bolder and the cycle of betrayal continues.
Communicate without Judging
Communication with a non-judgmental person, a friend or an accredited counselor, often helps in resolving strong emotional issues, if you are a wife who has just discovered a cheating husband. Opening up and sharing feelings can result in identifying basic issues in a marriage, including vulnerabilities and incompatibilities of a relationship. All you need to do is to find a trusted person to vent out your feelings that will help them give you a proper advice. Talking is important otherwise too. Talking to your husband will help you decide if you want to continue your relationship or not.
When you talk, it’s important to analyse the stress points of your marriage to find out why your husband strayed in the first place. Also you need to know if you are willing to forgive your husband for this one instance and continue your relationship, for yourself, and not because you have responsibilities as a parent, or any other societal pressure. Marriages which stay put under social pressure, is a disaster waiting to happen, and may not get the same commitment from your husband, as yours.
Most important thing in an extramarital affair is moving on with life. Whether you decide to stay or end your relationship, it’s important to put it behind you and begin afresh. Give yourself a new chance to life and your husband, if you want. Whatever it is, do remember, it’s not exactly your fault, neither is it your humiliation. It is just a way of life; unfair may be, but nothing that cannot be overcome.