Editor’s Note: Not everyone is vivacious and an extrovert. Not all of can make friends very easily. Either because of their personality or because of lack of time. But when they do, they are for life. But how do such people make a friend?
I’m wondering where or how to start this issue. I’ve been away from home for 4 yrs now. I’ve very very few friends here. Even the friends I’ve are either married or a couple. They are busy in their own world have not cared/ bothered about me. I feel left out and all alone.
Sometimes I wonder that if something happens to me say for example, I faint, meet with an accident or something of the sort, unless I call and let people know, no one will ever find it out. Especially over weekends, I find it so annoying. I keep myself busy by going to visit the temple, do yoga, read books, watch TV. Not allowing my mind to be idle and feel depressed. But sometimes it does hurt.
I don’t drink and pubs/clubs don’t fantasize me. I do talk to people in a friendly manner. Especially people at work keep complimenting me for being energetic, talking to all department people, not finding differences etc. But still they all remain in a distance. I had a single friend.
I used to initiate talk with her regularly, so that she would introduce me to her friends and I would have some company. But she never did that. No one wishes me on my birthday either.
Let me give an example. I was having the usual casual elevator talk with one of the guys living in my building. After a year, we exchanged numbers. He suddenly called me and made an open invitation that he is coming home for lunch. After lunch, we did go out for sometime. But after that he stopped talking to me. It left me wondering.
Few office colleagues when the tell me what they did over the weekend and that leaves me hurt.Sometimes my mind travels so far that what will happen if in future my husband also has few friends, my kids will have no friends etc. I’m not sure what to do. I just wanted to vent out.
This is what Ansuya, one of our regular contributors had to say.
Have you thought about dating? That’s what young, single people usually do as part of forming a social circle. You don’t have to go to pubs or clubs. You could take a dance class, or join an ultimate frisbee club (or whatever sport you like), help out at your local animal shelter, join a book club..You really do have a lot of options for meeting new people (girls and boys).
It seems most of your pursuits are solitary (yoga, temple, reading, watching TV) which would explain why you are craving social contact. I understand that you want meaningful social contact, but I’m afraid the only way to get to that stage is to go through a lot of superficial social contact first.
Also, make sure you are not filtering people out based on age, sex, nationality, or whatever. Rather, look for people you find it easy to talk to, people who seem interested in your social overtures, and people who have a similar sense of humor or personality to you.