Editor’s Note: We love giving advice. It makes us feel good about ourselves. But do we always really think before we speak? Here’s our member Shanvy‘s musing over giving advice. What do you feel? Tell us here.
For the past two three days have been watching this ad Advice. Everybody gives advice. It was too jarring on my nerves and my conscience…WHY! WHY! WHY!
This weekend, I met somebody who said her advice was very costly; you have to really ask for it. And she did not believe in free advice. How true.
Then it hit me right there in between my eyes. The wrong note that was taunting me the whole week.
“OMG what am I doing” Am I doing the right/wrong thing?? I have been with this forum for the past 2 years..initially as a silent member and then actively involved. Sometimes I also have gone and advised (no..only my perspective/suggestions..??) others and have asked for suggestion and opinion (here I have been cautious…..the reason…I’ve always had some trouble with criticism since I am my own worst critic may be it is the Virgo in me…. As an independent kid, I liked to figure things out on my own without parental influence..don’t we all..ok ok…I can hear some you saying what a SNOOTY kid.
But do you know…. Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t.
So when I analyse and want to give a suggestion on relationship, I should question myself if I am really capable of giving that suggestion, what would I do in a similar situation. But am I really stepping into the person’s shoes..and looking at it???:confused::confused::confused:
But what do we do actually?
We on the basis of personal and vicarious experiences/heard/seen ones and common sense, we formulate our own ideas on what constitutes a good relationship.
The answer is simple and applies to all – we like to give advice, but we don’t like to get it – especially when it comes to relationships. Many of us like to think of ourselves as experts. We think we can serve as source of honesty (sometimes comforting and at other times brutality) to those who are caught in a problem.
When giving advice, we tend to think high of our own guidance, and overlook sometimes there are emotions in between the lines which are not actually revealed. Only the two people in the relationship can really know what it is between them.
We tend to think our own thought process, analysis and methods are right for us, and so it would be right for others too. Well sometimes we hit the bullseye, sometimes No, sometimes we need others opinions to find out what is right.
No two individuals are same, no two situations are same. We tend to think so……
But one thing is for sure, When I come into the public, seeking advice or giving opinion, I should really be ready for all…(if not just ask your near ones/friends…). Some of us think that the anonymity of forum really does cover all tracks…I don’t think so…..In some cases, the emotional trauma that a person goes before finding the guts to post here is really visible in the post.
But it’s important not to tell people what to do. There’s a significant difference between saying, “I did this and found it quite helpful” versus saying, “You should do this.” Don’t you all agree.
Friendship will not stand the strain of too much good advice for very long.
Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your guts as you think in your mind that the guidance is wise.
George Washington, said “Give not advice without being asked, and when desired, do it briefly” – Thats good advice!!!
Well looks like I will be encountering lot of brick bats for this post of mine:frown: ….but honestly not trying to hurt anybody…my musings (should I say essay)…over the whole week…….Do any of you feel the same way????