They want to use their knowledge:
Tweens are entering an age where they have a little knowledge about the ways of the world. They want to use their knowledge to make their decisions, rather than follow your decisions blindly. They honestly believe that they are equipped with the maturity and skill, to come up with some of the answers themselves. As I always say, pick your battles. If it is about smaller things, that really does not upset your domestic balance, let it be. That way, they feel that you trust them to make decisions.
They want to be independent:
They want to show the world, you and more importantly to themselves that they do not need their parents’ help for everything. The best way to deal with it is, to stop telling the kids what to do, and rather have a conversation where you could discuss situations.
Let me tell you this real incident:
Her: – My best friends likes this boy in my bus, she wants me to ask him something, should I?
(The mom in my head said: – No, No Way!! And stay away from that girl.’)
(But better sense prevailed and this is what happened)
Me:- Do you want to?
Her: – No, but she is my best friend; maybe she will feel bad if I don’t.
Me:- Well, for me the more important person is you, so if you are not comfortable with something, no matter how close you people are, I don’t think you should do it, but then the decision is yours.
Her: – Yeah! I think I won’t.
In that one minute, I managed to avoid an argument, teach her about peer pressure, and make it her decision. The bad news is that it is not a success story every time.
The good news is that studies suggest children argue and fight with their mothers, because they are confident of their relationship with them. So arguments are better than seeing your kids withdraw, or agree to everything you said. Go ahead, loosen your strings a little, try to start treating your tweens like your friends, and relive the age through them.
And yes, all the best for peace and sanity!
