Working for whom?

Wearing too many hats has had its toll on you. But I think this situation calls for drastic measures from your side.Isnt it your husband's home and kid too.He is conveniently escaping from doing anything around the house.
Why dont you use the some solutions I used . When I have done too much for the day , I just throw in the towel and tell my husband to cut veg or make dinner. Initially he used to escape giving excuses. I could see right thru them and told him the work will only get done if he does it otherwise I wont do it. You need to be little firm. Its like teaching kids something. Only here it is adult. Being firm is the key.
Why dont you have your husband check your kids schoolwork and help you around the house like washing vessels or cutting veg.Dont request. Be firm and tell him to do it . If he doesnt do it be prepared in mind not to do it. It will help you in long run and he will learn to do it.Thats what I used to do with my husband. My husband used to wait an hr before he used to drag his feet to do it. But used to do it. Now it has come to if I say I cant do it he is ready to do it.Its just that we wife's need to train our husbands to do it.
Its like giving tasks to each employee in an office to run a project. Here its in an house.Good luck.

 

Okay, One more way.Why dont you have a maid who does all the work like cooking and cleaning. You know one of my friends works long hrs in India. She has hired a cook and a maid to do all the work.In that way you dont have to worry about doing house work and instead concentrate on kids.
One more thing I do is when I feel like we are in a rut, I plan for an outing say a neighbouring city even for a day or 2 to relax ourselves. My husband doesnt take the initiative . But he has always been that way so I do the planning and just do it.
You are feeling a lot of stress due to handling everything yourself. If your parents are in the same city, you can visit them with the kids for a weekend or holidays you get to relax yourself with the kids.Good Luck.

 

Hi Andal,
You made a good point. Yes, finally hubbies are getting benefited out of it. Eventhough we appoint a maid or cook, even supervising them will be our responsibility. Sometimes, if hubbies dont like thier cooking or cleaning, so we hav to do it. Yes, it does help a lot to reduce some stress on our heads but definitely gents should come forward to takeup the responsibility sharing across all the things.
So, we need to have some maid or parents or inlaws for full time at our homes to take care of our things. Really, at times I too feel like stressed out due lot of work pressure and carryig out things at home smoothly. Eventhough I too conveyed the same msg to my hubby, but all the actions went in vain. Probably I m used to take care of several things by now. But the initial days of marriage may be upto one year, we expect cooperation from our respectives.\, but they are intelligent enough to escape.

 

Andal,If its one day ,one week ,one month we can say lets do it. Its everyday. Your health will be spoilt if you have to do too many things. Try for a maid who does the cleaning regularly from neighbours. And a different lady who can cook. Your best source will be neighbours and friends.Good Luck.

 

Andal.. my blood boils when i hear such things. If we talk of husbands not sharing work in a class of the worker ladies who worked for you, it is no different in a literate class like yours and mine. Things should change at least in the next gen. We should train our sons and daughters equally well to share work in the family (which our inlaws failed to do). Delegation is an art.. one should learn to be patient with the other person's working style and timings... but still make them do the work.

now dear.. u start getting smart. tell ur hubb clear that u r employing a cook to help you, since you are not getting that help from ppl inside. And just do it. My hubb is like urs too.. but he at least feels for what he cannot do. I cannot make him do the work completely coz when he is 10% done with the work, my mil grabs it and does it herself. She just can't stand her dear son doing a thing at home. The reason she gives "he is tired after the work at office"... i work too.. but she would prefer to forget that fact. As a result, i hv left any work within our room to be done by him and only him. i dont do any sharing here, and he is ok with it. Be it cleaning the room (as i hv a toddler, my room generally is very messy most of the times), making the bed, cleaning the washroom, changing the bedsheets, and everything possible.. i know that its really not a sharing in its literal meaning. My hubb can just not stand a messy room.. and i used this weakness in him to get things done out of him in our room and my kid's room (sometimes the fridge and other areas too when inlaws aren't around). You hubb might be hving a similar weakness too.. try to use that and start from there. Good luck !

 

You need to tackle one thing at a time. First of all your husband is getting away with not doing anything in the house.I know with our husbands sometimes fault is with our in laws treating them as though they are precious things.As I mentioned earlier my husband had a good run of not doing any work. Now using many tactics I have atleast made sure he can do something in case I cant do it.

It also seems to me that your husband is not taking initiative to spend some time with family.You need to talk to him regarding this. Hire a maid and a cook . You will also be relaxed to spend time with the kids and your husband.Let it be him watching TV, you can give him company.Try on weekends to have an outing with your husband and kids. I feel your husband and kids and you do need a little bonding. Outings may help as you will all be relaxed and enjoy .In that way kids will relate to their dad well. Good Luck.