Hi girls, I am new to indusladies and I generally see the forum, whenever I get time. Please help me with the following situation at work. In my previous job, i used to have very good collegues. We have a watsapp group still. Used to crack jokes. It used to be refreshing at lunch time. I recently joined in a company ie, 5 months. Here in our team there are few desi ladies plus few ladies who worked past and moved to other teams. They are working here from 4 years and one lady working from 10 yrs(they are very close). One or two days they called me for lunch and for coffee. I actually went with them but they where not talking to me much. I thought, it takes couple of days to mingle with them. One lady working from past 10yrs here, has something in her mind. When ever we all eat together lunch, that lady she says to me, you don't have to wait for us and you can go if you are done. She said couple of times this sentence. Some times she says you don't need to wait for us for anything, we go late sometimes for lunch or coffee. Now I have stopped going for coffee. Some how she doesn't like me. Other ladies don't talk anything if she says like this. Even if I go for lunch with them, they don't talk much with me, if she is there, otherwise they are fine. I can stop going to lunch also, but the point here is out of 4 ladies 2 people are from our team and I want to have a good co-worker relationship with them. And rest of the team are desi guys who eat together, and I can't join by leaving these people because it makes completely cut with them. Also we have general potlucks and all hands meetings, where these people leaves me alone. I don't know why they behave like this. Now-a-days she doesn't even wait for me while heating food, she waits for other people, if I am heating my food and rest of them are done, she don't even wait and says ok lets go. She behaves something like there is not person there. I feel annoyed. I feel depressed. No basic courtesy also. She never ever talks to me. These people are really numb when she is around, otherwise they behave normally. She is not even in our team. She has been moved to different team. Also here they don't eat lunch at desk because of indian food smell. How to handle this situation without any quarrel. Please don't make fun of it. Thank you in advance.
@d21a05: Welcome to IndusLadies! I kind of feel that the 10 years one is intimidated by you for some reason. May be that's why she is acting this way. Do not stop going for lunch because of such people. I also think the others are not speaking up because they are used to her inflicting her bossiness that way. 5 months in a new team is quite sometime to make relationships. Give it may be another month. Those 2 ladies in your team - how are they with you when the 10 years experienced lady isn't around? You should strengthen your professional/personal relationship with them. You can initiate asking for lunch and coffee, may be with these two ladies slowly, if they are easier to be with and if they acknowledge you well. In case of general meetings/all-hands, ask these two teammates in advance if you guys can be together.
may be you should start talking with her more, which makes her engaging in conversation with u and may be cooking a special dish n offering to them ( offer first to her). I mean if u think she is the problem and shadows others too, then u should first break the ice between u two, which in turn clears the problem with the rest. Some ppl cannot accept change so quickly be it a change to new place or a person joined. So give her space and assure that u really want to be a team and nothing changes even u being around. Though she tell u not to wait, say her in a friendly tone that i like being around with u. If at all she prepares to leave u , then make a funny comment, come on how can u leave ur friend alone or something like that. Just dont give up.
We are fairly comfortable with the notion that workplace romances can lead to trouble. So much so that it's prohibited in many companies. However, when it comes to friendships, we often forget this rule of thumb. Do not look for friendships in the workplace. General de Gaulle is reported to have said "Men can have friends, statesmen cannot" and that "France has no friends, only interests". This is somewhat true of the modern workplace. I would not advocate an aggressive self-centered careerism, but in a corporate setting, it is best to not get too emotionally vested in 'friendships'. Try and build solid, mutually supportive professional relationships. For emotionally satisfying human connections look elsewhere. As for all these lunch shenanigans, why all the 'waiting to be asked' diffidence? Find people who are interesting and ask them to lunch! Go on, eat a sandwich, make an American 'friend'. :cheers
I think the senior is waiting to be "acknowledged" in some way, that SHE is senior. Same team or not. she has been 10 years here, and you have been for 5 mnths. You need to decide whether you want to be one of her worker bees, or not.
Hi, Make some friends other than these ladies and go lunch with them. Slowly everything will fall in place
@All, Thank you for your valuable replies. @Sparkle, Other 3 people are fine, if she is not here. Also they talk normally. But, they don't talk in front of her. Initally I felt they also don't like me. But, if I go and talk individually they talk normally. @Susmithavijay Yes, I did the same. Also, in one occassion our company asked to give candygram note for the co-workers, I give it to her and one more lady, that they gave application overview very good(She gave me intially when our manger asked her to give for just 30 min only). Also I try to talk to her, how are your kids and also do they go to any camps in the spring break etc., She immediately replies me, just NO thats it. And she continues talking to others. @sokanasanah I am not looking for any friendships from her or from any others in the work environment. I am looking only for a friendly environment, that too, 2 of them are from our team and they are also developers(If they are not from same team, I don't even think). I might need to work together with them. We will have regular potlucks and all, I can't sit alone without mingiling with them) As I said, I can stop going to lunch also, but once I stop and make a bad environment. I myself can't talk again normally with them. @dimhere I was thinking the same. Also well said that "You need to decide whether you want to be one of her worker bees, or not." Need to think. @sweetsmiley, May be i should think on this.
@d21a05: If the chances of being alone at lunch or potlucks or all-hands are unavoidable and if you cannot ignore her behavior altogether, then you could try talking to her directly (talking won't make you one of her worker bees, to be clear). It could turn out to be something silly or she may snap again. Think about this if the situation persists.
Hah !! I follow Soka's principle. I lunch with my American Friends. However, I don't wait or expect anyone to wait for me for Lunch. Anyone available, we pair up and grep our lunch.
