Is woman doing JOB for DREAM or for MONEY?

Discussion in 'Working Women' started by Reesha, Dec 20, 2014.

  1. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

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    hi,


    may be my question is different from others hear. i completed B.tech 5 yr ago & M.tech 3yrs ago. i dreamed for IT profession since 8 th class &did hard work allot to reach it.after 10th class with nice %, i got offer from famous college & took a dare decision that time to join in that college even that it makes my life busy & pressure just to reach my dream. 2 yrs suffered allot with sleep less nights studies & continues study hours. finally i got nice % & rank. Later also i chosen a far away college which is having campus selections in it even though i have choice to choose home town college. but due to IT recession, i didn't get chance of campus selection but passed with good %. later my job hunt started.


    my home town is small sized town even with out internet connection. so that to search IT job, i need to go city. but hear my dad rejected my proposal to send me to city just for job search. he argued that, "due to recession no one is getting job now even in cities also. so that its waste time now to search. you should either go for marriage or higher studies. for any other proposals, i am not ready to obey". my mom also logged in to confusion with his argument & unable to support me. so she said that" because you are finantial dependent on your dady, you have to choose any one of his decision instead of your wish". i am not at all interested in marriage, so i gone for higher studies option even though i am not interested in doing M.tech. I joined in M.tech in city. during my final semester starting days i got job(which need immediate joining) in one famous company with B.tech degree itself. but due to m.tech college constraints, i have to choose either M.tech course classes or IT job. by that time some of seniors suggested me that, i can complete that course even after next academic year by writing backlogs. don't leave that great opportunity. so i joined in that with out informing to dad(i knew he will reject my joining. so i did..) & i tried to convince my dad later by showing my 1st month salary(10K). but he blasted like a bomb on me.


    (just before getting that job, my dad paid college fee(3Lak.)


    so that he argued with me like.." you are wasting my money allot. no one will invest this much of amount on a girl. i am only stupid to believe you. but you are taking your own decisions with out my permission. how you will answer to my money & belief on you. you should complete m.tech to satisfy my fee paying. & i won't allow you to continue with this small pay in current job".


    i tried a lot with various reasons. but he didn't satisfied.with lot of heart burning & lot of tear full nights, i resigned job just after 1 month & continued in M.tech. finally just after 4 months of that incident i got my M.tech certificate. later also i got selected in one company with nice pay(20K) but location is orrisa which is far away from my town. at same time, my dad is busy with alliance searching for me(dad gave my photo to match fixer with out my permission. actually lot of guy's parents are calling him.). strictly i said NO to marriage by that time. but he is very stubborn nature & again opposed like "how i can send you alone to other far state. you should marry any one of my choice & go after that as per your wish(if guy allows). i won't stop you by that time. now even if you don't get marry i will not send you to job. you have to stay in home".


    again stucked in his plan. by that time i didn't have any dreams & plans about marriage. even i didn't think about my future partner. so bluntly i chosen a well settled guy(younger son) who is working in IT field& married him. after 6 months of gap from my academics finally came to DH's city & got freedom from my dad. but my situation has changed totally after marriage.


    just after 2 months of my marriage(while i just started job searching in DH's city), my old aged PIL joined in hospital & directly came to my home(totally unexpected. they stayed with elder son before my marriage & said they will continue there) as a patients because no one is there to care them(BIL &co-sis are working).so me only don't doing any job by that time. i explained about my dream to DH. but he said like "currently we don't have any financial needs. we have enough. so at present take care my parents. once they cured, you can go for job."


    first 6 months are ran away with PIL service. they cured very well. so 1 yr gap came from my pass out year. so i didn't get any calls in that city. so i joined in one coching center & did lot of hard work(daily travelling to classes & house hold works & husbands works & PIL service). but due to competition i got one internship job in small start up company after 4 months. so i joined in that with less pay(3k). but i don't care pay because i am dreaming for entrance in IT field. continued there for 4 months. My DH demanded for pregnancy because his age is crossing 30. even though i requested to wait for more 6 months, he didn't. he questioned me like "i am not objecting you to continue in job. but due to your plans, how you can stop my RIGHT to have kids in my life? how many years you will post pone pregnancy?"


    what i can do answer him hear. so i obeyed him with condition of my job continuation. i got pregnant. until 3rd month i attended office. but due to my PIL emotional game play, i got affected allot mentally. They abused me in absence of DH along with BIL & co-sis. so i ate outside food& got food poison problem which turns me into serious condition that made me stay in ICU for 10 days. later also, as per doctor advise i unable to attend office until 5th month. but with support of company management(they believed my skills), i did Work from home until day before of delivery day. later i unable to sit in front of system me due to baby works. so i have taken leave for 7 months around. due to long leave company held me on bench for last 3 months. Now i got call from company that i allotted for a new project & i should rejoin by next month mid. i told to DH about my company call & explained about my care taker plan for baby.


    but now he is opposing like" If you go for job, who will care baby like you. care taker option will spoils baby health & his love needs. what you will do with that small salary? i am earning good now. so no need of your job. if you have interest in IT, do freelancer jobs from home & take care baby. once he became school guy, you can join with your freelancer experience." i shocked really with his answer.


    I cried with his words & shared my feelings with my mother. but my mother also not supporting my decision. she is saying that"as a employee with my experience, that job life is two boat work which u can't be happy. because of my financial situation i joined in job & continuing. but you have good financial position now. so why you eager to join? after 10 yrs you will be bored with your job but can't leave due to income addiction & you will regret for not satisfying motherness fully to baby. so stop that current job & take care baby until he grown.later you can think".


    Dear Ilites, what weapon they are using on me from starting onwards?
    which is stopping my career journey all times?


    what ever it may be i decided myself to rejoin again even though all of my family members opposing. because if i take 3-4 yrs gap, i can't re enter into IT field even with freelancer experience. If i joined, later i can go for high paying job with that experience. but my mom words are rolling out in my mind.


    all of you are working women's. so please tell me is doing job will takes a women's life in better way or worst way after having kids?

    Is women should do job just for money sake instead of her dreams/feelings sake?

    what you are feeling after having so many years of experience as employee whether great or regret?
     
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  2. Rise

    Rise Platinum IL'ite

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    You are one strong woman .... You have One life to live... Live it to fulfill YOUR dream.
     
  3. mirrorimage

    mirrorimage Silver IL'ite

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    omg..such a heart full entry to pursue your passion...
    you dont know how hard working and amazing you are...
    I totally understand women are bound to satisfy others needs in their entire life...
    firstly your father-- may be coming from a small village his need was to get you married without realizing you have to stand up for yourself in life...but stil i am glad he has bestowed you with education.
    and then you gave up your job because of taking care of your PIL--
    your husband-- planning for a baby is both of your choice still there wil be lot of pressure from your husband and their family so we women become helpless and give into their needs...
    now kid-- there is a restriction that you have to take care of your kid! take care of your pil...blah blah blah...
    if the kid is 1 year old its good..you can really search for a good day care or nanny if you are in India..its very easy to find a trustable nanny...there are options where you can video your baby and see the activities online even via work..
    Go ahead...live your dreams..dont listen to any one...
    I feel so bad for you OP...all is well...
    Take initiative..take responsibility...go ahead..and live your dreams...if you go for 5 months..you will get the confidence that you can proceed with your life ...
    This is the problem with people ,they dont understand that we dont want to work for money..we want to work for our confidence..for our independence..for our satisfaction..for our passion..for our desires....
    this is the big problem with our society.....
    trust me ..my in laws are also telling me the same that why are you searching for job and all,we have enough blah blah blah.....everyone goes thru the same thing....
    just be strong....get into some job initially..get some experiance....manage your life ..be loving but have your own mind and thinking.....I am almost in the same boat..I am searching for job and my husband wants me to get pregnant....but i dont knwo where will all these end up....
    dont let anyone decide what you are gonna do with your life..husband,kids every thing is just a part of your life they are not your life...in life even if you move like a snail,just make sure you are moving towards the destination which you want..no matter if it takes even till death...everyday you must have the courage and feel like you are taking a step forward towards your destination...slowly win your life to yourself....just have devil may care attitude if someone says something..


    Just the fact that you are doing something to your dreams to come true can make you get a good sleeep at the end of the day...
    .......just live the life exactly the way you want to.....when they are financially good ask them to sponsor for a nanny and help you out..its not that 24 hours you would be in office...you would go and come back and still take care of the kid...its just you are taking a time out and kid is having a timeout from you as well..
    one thing everyone should understand is you can fully love people around you only when you dont fall back from your path..when you are fullfilled in your life..
    if you are not happy with your life there will always be that unfullfilled energy around you which is not even good for your baby....
    when you are happy and filled with radiance.. you can make your baby also happy...
    WHY CANT PEOPLE JUST UNDERSTAND THIS SIMPLE FACT OF BEING A WOMAN>?????


    Trust in God...by the post you have written i can surely say how desparately you wanted something and people are denying to give it to you...that too something which is yours.....
    you have literally poured your heart out...
     
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  4. Priya4oct

    Priya4oct Gold IL'ite

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    I am in IT from last 9 years and mother of one (another is due). I too belong from small city but had full family support inspite of all oppose from close relatives. My parents always wanted me to pursue my dream specially my mom wanted me to do something as she never got a chance being from a village. So here is my personal thought -
     
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  5. Reesha

    Reesha Silver IL'ite

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    don't do mistake like me. join a job & then get pregnancy. dont stop after that also...


     
  6. Chachi420

    Chachi420 Platinum IL'ite

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    OP, sorry for this detour on your thread. Mods will delete this post and the quoted post shortly.

    @CHACHIFUKSPKVJR Hey Buddy, you can start copying the messages, no issues but copy it on this thread I have created exclusively for you
    http://www.indusladies.com/forums/community-chit-chat/265745-dear-bully.html#post3462847

     
  7. Twinkel

    Twinkel Platinum IL'ite

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    That varies from woman to woman. Some work to cater their financial needs within family, some out of passion and some, to be financially independent. To certain extent, your mom was right when she said that, coz my mom always said that she missed out on details of our (mine and brother's) childhood as she was working, and looking back she now feels she might have opted to stay home rather than working. She still is working and have few years for retirement, but now she works simply because she can't be at home.
    A woman's perception about working and being financially independent may differ according to their own story line. I am one strong woman who is always a go getter. I worked for 6 years before marriage after my Btech and was in good position at a well named company. When I got married, I was not intending to stop working and even my hubby and in laws never objected to any of my intentions. Worked after marriage too. But when I faced problems with pregnancy and had to undergo fertility treatments, the alternate day scans and high dosage medicines made it impossible for me to continue working. With a heavy heart, I had to stop working. I always had doubts about how will I be treated at inlaws or how would I be able to come to terms with myself of being financially dependent on dh and being idle at home. BUT, things changed, I could see what a beautiful life I missed till then. No work pressures, no dead lines, no stress and loads of time for your hobbies. Learning to cook was a great therapy. Down the lane, now, I don't think I would want to work unless the financial situation demands and in no mood to get back to work.
    You may be yearning for it because it seems like a distant dream to you because of your commitments. Trust me, life in IT is not as beautiful as it is painted to be and definitely not worth on missing your's baby's precious moments.
    Might be a different story if your dh looks down upon you for being dependent or if he makes you feel he is paying for you. It doesnot seem to be the case. Sit back and enjoy the never returning moments with your kid...
     
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