how to balance work and new baby...nervous.

sanjuruby3 · Sep 15, 2014

Hi ladies..
Please throw in your suggestions from your experiences.i am quite nervous about return to work tomorrow. I had baby after 10 yrs of long wait. Struggled through US H1b probmes, recession, marriage issues..what not. Finally got into stable job and my life my baby.
She is 2 months and my mother is here for 1 more month for baby. After that, she has to go to daycare. 2 days/week programme was what I planned to start with. Rest of days, both me and DH, WFH to take care of baby. Also I am starting 2morrow, so thinking to WFH MOSTLY FIRST FEW WEEKS.
Now I am having 2nd thoughts about leaving my precious in daycare.
Not that they are bad ....it's just nervousness. Thinking of hiring Indian nanny at home with me or DH, WFH 5 days. Now it's upto if and when I find right person. There are licensed american nannies too.

I was thinking If at least 3 days I can WFH a d take care of my baby too with no external help and 2 days fo r DH. DH is not agreeing.
I am in highly competitive IT work as developer and can WFH 3/4 days.
I want to hold off on daycare till 6 months in january. I feel 3 months is too small and my heart aches. In extreme cold, baby won't have much immunity yet and taking out for daycare I amscared.
November/December has lot of thnxgiving/Xmas holidays plus winterstorms keeping ppl WFH.

I know babies r too much of work...I have flex work, can finish in the evenings. Don't know how it will go. I know I will not get any peace.
One more thing - she does not latch and mostly on formula and expressed milk. Going to wean
soon.

Any experienced ladies? Your thoughts please....

armlakshmi · Sep 15, 2014

HI
I am a slient reader of this forum, But after reading ur post I wanted to reply.
I am in NJ but u know that Boston is a lot more cold and bitter in winters She is a very small baby, Please try to hire a nanny so your baby can be home. As you can work flexi hours and work from home - try to keep her home instead of day care - as baby will fall sick in day care often and its not good to give antibiotics to babies. The struggle is for sometime only once baby turns 1 year - life will get better. Please try to keep baby as priority. We can struggle and get another job also if needed. Hope you dont mind me saying this. I am mom of 2 kids myself so I understand what u r going thru.
Thanks
Mahalakshmi

malinisarovar · Sep 15, 2014

Hi Sanju,
if your work schedule permits you may choose to keep her with you rather than sending her to daycare at this age. I have not yet started to send my 5 month old to daycare. I work from homebBut my job is so demanding and too many back to back calls making it pretty difficult to take care of the baby along with work. However, my husbands job does not involve too many meetings. Thus, he is able to manage his work and baby. He stays late and completes his work. He works from home three days. It is more towards my mindset that does not allow me to send her to daycare.

It all depends on your flexibility and your choice. But always make sure that you are able to give your 100% to your roles and responsibilities at work.

sanjuruby3 · Sep 15, 2014

Hi girls - thanks for ur suggestions. I feel same. It gets too cold, slippery here. My daycare is in basement and they keep babies on foam mats on floor.
My friends also told me kids get sick in daycares for no immunity.

If job gets tough, I will start looking nearby. Right now I have 40 min travel.
My husband somehow does not agree to not to send baby to daycare. I do not understand how to make him undrrstand. He thinks baby can not be handled by one person at home. We both have to be working from home togethr for nondaycare days.

Of course baby needs interaction. I do not know how soon I will find good Indian nanny.
Right now my mom is doing everything so I am not adapted to calm her when crying, I get panicky.

Mine is software programmer job with few fixed calls and mostly coding work which can flexed.
Husband job is back to back calls.
I can WFH with him coming early so I can finish up work. Same is his case.
I was thinking part time work option but not much benefit into that.
I am praying to god to help me work out these for few months. I got to see my baby after long wait. I can not see her crying in strangers arms.

sanjuruby3 · Sep 15, 2014

One question - are u managing baby all alone or have hired nanny. How do you manage cooking? Also baby as small as 3mon, how did u manage work and interaction with baby and cooking or feeds.
Babies can be cranky sometimes. Mine once in daytime wants to be carried and moved around.

chocolate · Sep 15, 2014

Op, Your baby maybe too small for daycare. Instead of all this confusion ask your mom to stay back for 2-3 months. That's the best solution. In case of this not possible look for an in home nanny. American kids are adapted to such things by blood so for parents its not a big deal leaving them and babies adapt too.My suggestion wud be a step further here. See if you can work from home until the baby turns one. In that way she will be mature enuf to interact with other babies and her immune system is considerably better off than a 2 month old baby.Being a bottle fed baby she is more prone to such things.If bf babies can catch a cold from daycare in 2 days she can catch it in a day.That is also a major factor. Good Luck.

sheztheone · Sep 15, 2014

I agree with chocolate.
You should see if your mom can get return and get back in a month or so, so she can stay for 6 more months.
Else try bringing your MIL or someone else who can handle a small baby and who you are comfortable with.

1 year would be ideal to start daycare IMO, and if push comes to shove, maybe around 7-8 months. By when she would have started to sit up/crawl and will be entertained by daycare playmates and surroundings.

Hang in there-the 1st year is the hardest, after that things become a bit easier.

sanjuruby3 · Sep 16, 2014

Mom coming back or someone else coming is not an option for me ((((.
So complicated. .I talked to my manager today to ask about WFH fully in first few weeks.
I was surprised to hear no.
I work for company that boasts for flex environment and best for women and new moms.so many people work remotely. His best buddies work remotely.
He said 3 days/week is doable in beginning. I could not even talk about later months when actually mother would leave and I really need to WFH.

Also read some bad experience about infant dead in private daycare because of negligence so hubby also agrees for in house care /Indian nanny.
I am under lot of stress. I have been assigned work and given deadlines. My body is still not fully recovered. Lots of backaches.
Cursing husband to make me return after 9 weeks.

And my relatives think I am in all luxury, all rich life.

KavithaUS · Sep 16, 2014

Hi Sanju,

I am in Boston too..working women with 2 kids in daycare.
WFH while taking care of baby alone during work hours is not a good idea...may be you can do till he is 3 months(all they do is sleep for longer hours/eat). Later months baby needs interaction..talking..playing..for their healthy development.
Some IT companies do not allow it if they find out you will be the primary care giver for the hours that you are logging for work.
WFH for Sick kid or Dr appointment is whole different thing.

You would find lot of good daycares in boston and its suburbs. Go and visit them in person. They take good care of babies. I have sent my kids to 3 daycares in different location..all of them were good.
I also had very good experiences with nannies with my first born. I have had H4 ladies willing to take care of babies. Also nepali ladies who does the housework whenkids sleep.

Let me know if you need further info on daycares/nannies.

Rin123 · Sep 16, 2014

Hello OP

I am full time working mother of 2 kids. I have gone through all this for 12 years almost. I am working in IT for more than 16 years now. Please take my word all the pain/stress I had all these years, not worth at all. I had lot of bad experiences with nannies, daycare infections etc Plus all saving was going in daycare,nanny salary. Its not worth at all. After coming home tired I had to cook, clean and hold crying baby and my day ended with fighting with my hubby. It was really horrible period of my life.

If I have to do all over again I would take at least 1 year complete break from job. Its too much stress working and raising baby together. You will get another job after one year since you have experience and GC. So please don't waste precious time with your baby in stress. Enjoy this time, it won't come back. You will have to work whole life after baby becomes little bigger. Take care.