Happiness Poll:Working women families India/USA Vs Non Contributing Wives Families

Hi Manuu Raghuu,

A very very interesting topic. I have lots to share with you people. Like many other I’lites, I too would say, both have pros & cons. Ultimately, the happiness at your later stage of life is what that matters! I have seen both the sides.

My Mom was a working person; she worked for more than 25yrs. Each phase I had a different opinion about her. During my school days, I looked at her as a busy woman, always in hurry. She gets up early does all the household duties, sharp 8.30 am she has to leave home…literally runs to catch the bus & those days there was no washing machines or dishwashers, weekends she used to wash all her saris & other clothes. Luckily, being in a joint family, I have grandma/aunts to take care of us but I always miss my mom for everything. Later, in my college days…I admired her for incredible energy! After my marriage, I pity her. The biggest plus point, as a working woman you are more independent & your hard-earned money gives you confidence & strength but there are lot of side effects. She worked endlessly for the family but failed to take her of health! It has completely ruined her; she had no time to take care of herself or the children. Now her children are well settled, everything & everybody are there for her but she lost her health!

On the other hand, My ML is a multi-talented homemaker. She can cook well, dresses-up well, can sing, does crochet works/embroidery, knows tailoring…what not? She enjoyed/ still enjoys all the homely pleasures like Spending more time with kids,watching the TV serials, has afternoon naps, gossips about neighbours/relatives, goes for evening walks, does her own grocery & vegetable shopping etc. In short- A perfect homemaker. Now she too has multiple health problems but depending upon children for money at old age, she feels uncomfortable & in secured! This insecurity at times leads to unhappiness. Money becomes a top priority & harmony in the family is disturbed!

Therefore, looking at both the sides…I feel a woman should experience both the world & no matter what. Whether it is health or money, she has to take care of herself well & happiness is something within her. For being happy…It doesn’t matter whether you go to work or stay at home!

Originally Posted by Anushiv

Hi Manuu Raghuu,

A very very interesting topic. I have lots to share with you people. Like many other I’lites, I too would say, both have pros & cons. Ultimately, the happiness at your later stage of life is what that matters! I have seen both the sides.

My Mom was a working person; she worked for more than 25yrs. Each phase I had a different opinion about her. During my school days, I looked at her as a busy woman, always in hurry. She gets up early does all the household duties, sharp 8.30 am she has to leave home…literally runs to catch the bus & those days there was no washing machines or dishwashers, weekends she used to wash all her saris & other clothes. Luckily, being in a joint family, I have grandma/aunts to take care of us but I always miss my mom for everything. Later, in my college days…I admired her for incredible energy! After my marriage, I pity her. The biggest plus point, as a working woman you are more independent & your hard-earned money gives you confidence & strength but there are lot of side effects. She worked endlessly for the family but failed to take her of health! It has completely ruined her; she had no time to take care of herself or the children. Now her children are well settled, everything & everybody are there for her but she lost her health!

On the other hand, My ML is a multi-talented homemaker. She can cook well, dresses-up well, can sing, does crochet works/embroidery, knows tailoring…what not? She enjoyed/ still enjoys all the homely pleasures like Spending more time with kids,watching the TV serials, has afternoon naps, gossips about neighbours/relatives, goes for evening walks, does her own grocery & vegetable shopping etc. In short- A perfect homemaker. Now she too has multiple health problems but depending upon children for money at old age, she feels uncomfortable & in secured! This insecurity at times leads to unhappiness. Money becomes a top priority & harmony in the family is disturbed!

Therefore, looking at both the sides…I feel a woman should experience both the world & no matter what. Whether it is health or money, she has to take care of herself well & happiness is something within her. For being happy…It doesn’t matter whether you go to work or stay at home!

Hi AnuShiv,

Thanks a lot for contributing to this thread especially for sharing both scenarios from your own family.I agree with you that women should see and realize different phases in life like staying at home for sometime and if possible also as a working woman...take timely decisions and lead a complete life.I can relate very well with you as i had a working mom but she had to voluntarily retire as her company was in losses...in this way she is at home since more than ten years got good relaxation...earlier she had a hectic life style..and a grandmother who was a homemaker but always felt insecure and unhappy as she was always financially dependent on her sons and lost her husband at a very young age.

You are right a woman should take care of herself and that happiness is within her.

Regards,
ManuuRaghuu

I don't know if I could stay home and just relax and just wait for my husband to come home.. I love the high pressure work enviornment, the responsbility, learning new skills and sharpening your mindset.. then again, I just started working and not yet a mom.. almost everyone my friends circle and my parents circle are working and if they're not, they are retired and they're enjoying their time off..

I posted somewhere else regarding this topic, but it is very hard to bounce back into career or any job this day and age.. it's a cut throat society.. either you are good for the money or you are not.. so you do what you have to do.. and especially in NY and maybe even in general.. things are so expensive and it's always good to have another income..

Hi MrsV,

Thanks a lot for contributing to my thread.Good to know that you enjoy your working life...just gathering all opinions.Your right everything is getting expensive these days...and there is competition everywhere...Am not much aware of the difficulties in starting a second career...it would be great if any of you can share your experinces on it.

All the Best.
Regards,
ManuuRaghuu

while i was a student
-career was the 1st thing on my mind
-when i got married it still was so,but i had to first finish research work i was doing


--bang!!!!! a new entry..my bundle of joy...and i just did not feel like going out leaving him with somebody about whose devotion to my son i was not sure of...career..
gone with the wind...by the time i started to think of career again...the son wanted rather demanded a sibling...so at the moment i am just looking after both. and enjoying the same. people who knew me earlier can't imajine i just sit at home.but what the heck---i do not have to prove to anybody except my hubby, kids and ofcourse
my parents who spent a lot while i stayed in the hostel away from home.

how i could do it?
my mother while she was a student got good education
her father was a maths prof.,but he would tell her ..education should be good so that if u wish to do a job u can do a good one..but it is not easy for a lady to do both home and office, my mother did a job when i turned 5(.she had better options away frm home but she declined.)but the credit goes to my father who felt that a lady cannot do justice to both home and office without a helpful family and ofcourse the family comes first in priority.
so when i had good job options, away from my family i declined without remorse

the only thing i miss is ---not money but my earned money...u know what imean.

Hi Muzna,

Good to know about you and your family..thanks for sharing about them and on your views on this topic.I appreciate your decision of choosing to be with your family and taking care of them.

My thinking on career sometimes goes on same lines as yours as my parents too have spent a lot for my higher education...but i dont think we have to feel guilty for having to sit at home ...if not today some or the other day we can be successful..may not necessarily by working for a company...there are many ways i believe...

And coming to the concept of "our own earned money"(women's)....in the intial days of my married life though i constantly felt insecure of not having my own earned money...but now i realize that that this concept is highly misleading and divisive...as it bring differences in relationship with the husband..when i consider both being one ... though i have a separate income... it will not bring happiness and peace to me unless i discuss how iam spending/saving that income with my husband..i know women feel like spending it their way and dislike husband questioning( incase he does)...but can we tolerate the husband doing the same thing ...no right??..so i feel that irrespective of having a separate income/not a woman can be happy if the husband and wife take good care of each other and both are soulmates...and when there is absolutely no secrecy between them..nothing else matters...this is what i learnt in my 2nd year of marriage.We will be completing 2 years this August.

Regards,
ManuuRaghuu

Originally Posted by ManuuRaghuu

Hi Muzna,

Good to know about you and your family..thanks for sharing about them and on your views on this topic.I appreciate your decision of choosing to be with your family and taking care of them.

My thinking on career sometimes goes on same lines as yours as my parents too have spent a lot for my higher education...but i dont think we have to feel guilty for having to sit at home ...if not today some or the other day we can be successful..may not necessarily by working for a company...there are many ways i believe...

And coming to the concept of "our own earned money"(women's)....in the intial days of my married life though i constantly felt insecure of not having my own earned money...but now i realize that that this concept is highly misleading and divisive...as it bring differences in relationship with the husband..when i consider both being one ... though i have a separate income... it will not bring happiness and peace to me unless i discuss how iam spending/saving that income with my husband..i know women feel like spending it their way and dislike husband questioning( incase he does)...but can we tolerate the husband doing the same thing ...no right??..so i feel that irrespective of having a separate income/not a woman can be happy if the husband and wife take good care of each other and both are soulmates...and when there is absolutely no secrecy between them..nothing else matters...this is what i learnt in my 2nd year of marriage.We will be completing 2 years this August.

Regards,
ManuuRaghuu

dear ManuuRaghuu
u r right but it is that my 'my money' thing was in general esp when people around u c in diff way tell that u do not earn , or take a dig at u...
nothing to do with the my money inside the family.only the feeling inside of me that kaaaaaaaaaaaaash i would also earn and the money could be used to fulfill certain wishes. but that is just a sigh!
one can try but when writing it is so very imp to be able to express the exact thought, but not possible always, and i would never have realised the meaning which my words connoted had u not brought it to my notice,
thank u so much

Hi Mannu,

Being a homemaker is the best option if you have kids, so that kids can have a proper foundation in life. But at the same time, to achieve that peacefully, one should have a sensible, responsible husband, who treats the wife with respect and truly appreciates her sacrifice for bringing up the family and also saves money for the kids and the family's future. If the above is not done by the husband and if he keeps on sending all the money that he makes to his parents/siblings without any care for his own wife and kids, then there is no choice for the wife but to take up a job to support her, kids and future.

To conclude the long story short, though MONEY is not everything, MONEY plays a major roll in deciding the fate of the women, in every stage of her life. To add further, nowadays, if a woman doesn't work, she hardly gets any marriage proposals. If she wants to give up her job after the kids are born, husband isn't too thrilled. I found only miniscule of the husbands are ok with the option of educated women to be homemaker.

I agree with Oaktree's comments wholeheartedly, especially when a woman works after marriage, she will have less time to think about all her troubles at home, be it inlaw trouble, money trouble or anyother. Depression can never touch employed women as she is mentally occupied with variety of things.

Finally, though happiness is a state of mind, financial independence is more important for women in any age to live in peace and thats my 2 cents worth.

Good topic to open up,
GPriya

Nice topic! I was working even after my son was born but now a full time home maker. Here is my experience.
I have wanted to work from the timeI can remember. I got a job in Railways, in the essential services department (worked in ricket counters). Shift wa not a problem then, had more time for my hobbies etc. But once I got married, in laws started pestering me to resign. But as I got a 9-5 posting, they let me work. But it was a great problem, I am not entitled for holidays as mine was an essential services department. So while I took leave, it was a problem for the office and if not at home. I suffered a lot during the 4 years I worked. My family did not understand that I had to be regular and punctual to office. They expected me to be home whenever they wanted, whatever be the situation at the office.
After 4 years, my son was born. Due to premature birth, he had lots of problems and I was on leave for nearly 2 years. Then got a small girl to take care of him and worked again. But trouble because of in laws, they will ACCUSE me of going to office, just imagine. I was pulling along in the belief that all that will change.
But when my son was 4 years old, he developed epilapsy due to nuero problem and I had to take a decision. I opted to be a home maker to take care of him. That was a best decision because he needed medical attention continuoously for many years from that time. I could take good care of him as a stay at home mom. Now I am happy that he is doing well and I have done my best to him.
Earning money does not earn dignity and respect for all ladies. My husband and his people never respected me though I was earning. I have helped him monetarity to pay off the loan which he took from his uncle for buying the house. But he still does not accept that I have done that. My sister is working and her husband is jobless for the last 10 years. But he does not even give her a tiny credit, he takes all her salary and buys a recharge card for her phone for a paltry amount. She has to ask him for her expenses. He restricts her spending money for her siblings, while he spends her money for anything he wants. She is keeping mum inthe fear that he may leave her at this age (she is 56 and he is 60) and she may lose face in society.
I have not given my vote, have I? I feel that every woman should work and earn, to gain more exposure. It is best to spend time with children till they are around 5, then let them learn to adjust to life. They will become more independent and knowledgeable if they have to tend to themselves.
In India, it is difficult to get jobs after certain age. I too would like to work at least part time now. But hubby is so dependent on me that he will not let me work.
I will say that I do enjoy being a home maker. There is enough time for myself this way.

Hi manu...

As others tell both has both -ve and +ve issues... its always depends on how u take it... according to me..i awalys wanted to tk care of my family being at home... till i get married i was working... even after wedding.... but change of place immed i cud'nt cont... i conceived also...

so i allways prefferd to tk care of my kid and hubby being at home... just dont feel feel like leaving the kid with the maid or baby sitter... a kind of happiness which cant be replaced with anything else ....