I Am Ringing The Warning Bell. Are you Listening, Ladies?

Another piece that Vandhana has rightly described as 'honing our personality'. As a race, we humans need to develop the art of listening. Have nothing original, candid, malicious to add-so am pasting two quotes from the net.

regards
Vidya

'Just as water receives and accepts everything poured into it without preference or judgment, so we, as we turn to listen to our self, receive and accept everything that arises, free from that same preference and judgment. In this clear open space deep healing happens.' www.happy-buddha.co.uk/

'Listening is noting what, when and how something is being said. Listening is distinguishing what is not being said from what is silence. Listening is not acting like you’re in a hurry, even if you are. Listening is eye contact, a hand placed gently upon an arm. Sometimes, listening is taking careful notes in the person’s own words. Listening involves suspension of judgment. It is neither analyzing nor racking your brain for labels, diagnoses, or remedies before the person is done relating her symptoms. Listening, like labor assisting, creates a safe space where whatever needs to happen or be said can come. — Allison Para Bastien' from www.listen.org

Mr.varalotti,

I joined this IL after reading the writeup in "The Hindu",hoping to befriend lots of intelligent ladies .I mistook you for a lady too in the begining:confused:.But whenever i see your threads ,it always makes me wonder if this site is for adult women or kids.Its all so preachy .As you said in one of your posts that we ladies learn a lot from day today experiences,do we have to go through all these moral lectures again and again ?Aren't we facing enough from our families from the time we were born ?sorry for being frank. Somehow i find in everythread be it ageing or beauty or whatever ,it brings back the memories of my school days.Hope you understand and start discussions in stead of you saying what is right or wrong.As you already pointed out you are good at listening , i don't need to worry about your negative reaction

Ms. Radha,

I am really surprised as to how you can classify a thread like this as a moral lecture.

Mrs. Radha, you might have been bored by lectures from your in-laws and parents. And so much so that you have dumped Varalottis writings as moral lectures.

Mrs. Radha, if you are listening really, as Varalotti says, with your ears, (eyes in this medium), head and heart, let me tell you this. This is a great site which has many forums. Right now discussions are going on as to, what is the best way to keep your hair healthy, or which is best nail polish remover, why Beckham is moving over to the US to play for a Californian Team, Abishek-Aiswharya engagement, the significance of Markazhi Kolam or the method of celebrating Kaanum Pongal, not to mention the beautiful cookery section where the making of various dishes are discussed in great detail.

Even family relationships are discussed, love marriages are analysed and technological advancements are explained and discussed.

Having said this if we ask Varalotti to discuss any of these things we will be duplicating the efforts and wasting Varalottis time.

Mrs. Radha, please dont get offended. I suggest you please read the whole thread again before coming up with such comments. We ILites are waiting for Varalottis threads, not to know about anything else, but to know more about ourselves.

And I am amazed Mrs. Radha that this thread reminds you of your school days. If in your school they had discussed sweet nothings, mental ageing and listening in this objective manner, well, that should have been one of the bestest schools in the whole universe. We will be grateful if you can post a detailed thread on your great school.
regards,
sriranjani

Dear Sridhar,

Your writing has made all of us stop and think about where we stand on our listening skills. I just came out of a meeting and I will be honest that half the time I was not listening properly...thinking about some other problem is what I was doing

You are very true when you said that listening can have therapeutic effects during counselling. It surely brings out all the tensions and worries from the person affected and will help him/her come out of the problem by themselves. As Sudha has rightly pointed out, I also feel that not listening to each other is the cause of most of the issues in marriage.
Reading your article I will surely try to improve my listening skills.
Regards,
Sihi

Well Said Sriranjini.

Radha, believe me, all of us IL ladies are pretty straight forward and we do call a spade a spade. If we all felt that Sridhar's Articles were preachy and lessons in Moral science, we would have told him so long back.
I think he is doing a great job in engaging all of us ladies in a healthy discussion on various topics, thereby ensuring that Indusladies.com is not a site that falls prey to needless gossip etc...
Please go through all the articles and stories that have been posted here by Sridhar. Am sure you will change the way you are thinking right now. All said and done, these topics may have been taught to us when we were in school , by our parents , but as time goes by, we do tend to forget the finer points in life, and it is good that Sridhar is doing this meticuluous service to all of us ( amidst his busy schedule as a successful auditor and writer) , so that we may not forget to appreciate other beings, and try to lead our lives in a more positive way.

We are indeed very lucky to have him here to prod us ladies to introspect about these serious topics and learn something from it.

Vandhana

I travelled through the whole lesson
To make my mind enlighten
With wonderful words of listening
There started questioning
Of my conscience
Have I ever done this
Got some answers fine
Others are faults of mine
But I am sure
Have listened you is true!

As usual, you are back again with a great thread, Sridhar. Like others here have said, you are turning into the personality sculptor of IL:) Our own Deepak Chopra!
On the outset, it may sound very insignificant. But 'to listen' has many aspects attached to it, to listen with heart, mind and ears is all the more important. One can learn a lot about oneself and others from listening 'properly'. As a parent, how many of us have not told our children to listen first and then answer? Almost every teacher too must have done that. But it is with age and experience that one really realises the importance of it. Many of us do not listen and like you mention, are always in a hurry to voice our own ideas and impress. But if one is really smart, one learns the value of 'listening'. As a matter of fact, it can begin at home first, with one's own spouse! (Refer Sudha's post!)
I loved Bastien's quote by Vidya. It says all.
Nice one Sridhar. That you write books like 'Jannal' and 'Vetriyin Vidhaigal' are proof enough to show that you not only listen, but also learn.

L, Kamla

Dear Sridhar,
This was very informative and you have put it down so well. You have shown me that I do have a long way to go. Have to start someday and that will be from today. One thing I have noticed is that while listening you have to listen correctly,carefully,adequately,unassumingly,quitel y and effectively. I write this after years of practice but I stilll have a long way to go.........
You have said it right that relationships thrive more on listening skills. If parents take more time to listen to their kids as you have said such tragedies can be avoided. I have also found that while listening you have to keep yourself more in the background.Thanks Sridhar for sure I will try to listen not just with ears but head and heart!!!!!!!!!!
Love,

Mrs. Radha,
Being an overly competitive profession for the past 23 years and being a writer for the past 9 years, I have been trained (as part of my survival techniques) to listen to a voice of discord first.
Hence I am prioritising you for my immediate response.
A little history will not be out of place here. I have been writing for IL since June 2005. And had I written my first post on listening or ageing, then I will have to accept your charge. I tried discussing various topics, as you have suggested, in various formats.

For a while I introduced a fictional character Lakshmi and discussed all non-preachy, adult world issues like husband having an affair, the lady herself having an extramarital relationship and so on. I also used to discuss the current news items. For example these Sat and Wed thread started with discussing some shocking current news - like a wife murdering her husband while on honeymoon, a lady who after having an affair with a young man killing her husband of several years and so on. Of course it was not just news but news analysis.

And slowly I came over to topics like ageing of the mind, sweet nothings and now listening. Planning to cover some hardcore truths like greed, jealousy et cetera. But I do interlace my discussions with appreciation of poetry or something relaxing so that the discussions do not tire our minds.

But Madam, if you do not want discussion on these topics and want something else to be taken up (you have to remember that we cant discuss specific topics for which dedicated forums and trained professionals are already there in this forum) please let me know your areas of interest. You may do it in this forum or send a pm to me. I already have a long list of such topics thanks to enthusiastic ILites eagerly following up these threads.

Eagerly looking forward to hear from you,
regards,
Varalotti

Originally Posted by radha_chennai

Mr.varalotti,

I joined this IL after reading the writeup in "The Hindu",hoping to befriend lots of intelligent ladies .I mistook you for a lady too in the begining:confused:.But whenever i see your threads ,it always makes me wonder if this site is for adult women or kids.Its all so preachy .As you said in one of your posts that we ladies learn a lot from day today experiences,do we have to go through all these moral lectures again and again ?Aren't we facing enough from our families from the time we were born ?sorry for being frank. Somehow i find in everythread be it ageing or beauty or whatever ,it brings back the memories of my school days.Hope you understand and start discussions in stead of you saying what is right or wrong.As you already pointed out you are good at listening , i don't need to worry about your negative reaction

Dear Sriranjani and Vandhana,
I find that it is not even possible to express my gratitude to you for standing up for me, let alone repaying the kindness.
Though I must say, that Sriranjani, your words were a little stronger than necessary.
Vandhana, my prayer to God is to make me deserve your kindness for all time to come.
Thanks once again, Sriranjani and Vandhana
sridhar