Tears and Warning Bells Again – A Real Life Incident

varalotti · Nov 9, 2006

JK (J.Krishnamurti), one of the original thinkers and saints of the 20<sup>th</sup> century was addressing a select audience.
In the middle of a lecture a 55 year old man, fat, short and bald came to the stage. Suddenly he started crying. Not just crying, but sobbing violently. The audience was shocked. But JK was not.
He let the man cry his heart out and asked in his characteristically soft voice, “Now tell me, what is the matter.”
The man wiped his tears and started a long narration. A narration which has never failed to bring out the tears in me. I even suspect that it was only after reading about this incident did I become vehement in talking about career preferences. The edited narration is given below.

“I was born the only son of a reasonably rich man. Even when I was very young I wanted to become a painter. I used to spend all my spare time in drawing pictures. I finished my schooling and boldly announced to my father that I was going to study to be a painter.
“My father gently smiled and told me. ‘Yes, my sonny, I find that you are passionate about painting. Go ahead. But not only as your Dad but as a friend, I suggest that you study Engineering and get a degree. The idea is you will have something to fall back upon when you are engaged in the risky profession of a painter.
“My father did not shout or make a scene. I was convinced and enrolled for an engineering course. Four years ran just like that. I finished the course and stood again before my Dad. I told him that now the time has come for me to take up the study of art.
“My father smiled and told me, “A mere degree would not be enough back-up. I’ll get you a Government job where the hours are less and there is assured money. You can take up study of art during your leisure.”
“I took up the job. And on father’s advice got married. Got children. Promotions came my way. I could never quit all these and become a full-time painter. I do paint but they are quite amateurish.
“I am now 55. I don’t have any hopes on becoming a painter now. My father is dead; so is my passion to draw. I feel a great vaccuum in myself. I don’t know what to do.”

He started crying again. JK let him cry and then asked him gently,
“Do you eat when you are hungry?”
Amidst sobs, there was a soft ‘yes’ from the man.
“Do you sleep when you feel like it?”
A puzzled ‘yes’ this time.

“Your urge to eat and sleep was sufficiently strong that even if your father had ordered against eating or sleeping, you would have done the same. But your urge to paint was not that strong. So when your father gently brushed it away with his clever words, you were easily dissuaded.”
JK remained silent again. The man was still crying.

What I feel after reading the story is that the father could have fanned that urge in him. At least he could have let him try. There are many corporate executives who in their 50s are realising that they have not opted for the jobs they love to do.

You want more on this subject, you may read Somerset Maughams all time great classic, The Moon and The Six Pence.

There cannot be any arguments for or against this incident. Because it has already happened and all the people concerned are dead and gone. There are lessons to be learnt, feelings to be felt and thoughts to build on.

Most Gracious ILites in the same way you made the other thread on the same subject rich with your contributions, make this one deep with your views, feelings and thoughts.

Loving Regards,
Varalotti

safa · Nov 9, 2006

Your previous post prompted us to think!

I think, I have nothing to say more, have already told in the previous thread.
I would like to share one of my experience with you all. This is a real incident happened in our place.
A man who was working as a Bank manager, decided to leave his job in one morning. He approached his father to tell his decision. His father got shocked.
He was angry, and didn't even talk to his son.
If it is some other person who hears it , might have expressed the same feelings.
Every one thought, this man is having some mad ideas. I am not sure about his wife and what was her response.But later, I have seen her happily , working very active with her husband. Certainly , she might have supported him.
Sorry, I didn't tell you yet , what he was going to do.
He started a parallel college for women! Every one surprised and began to criticize him. In the initial stage there was only five or more girls joined in the college. Imagine, how would be his condition in family and society!
But he didn't fail and continued his efforts. Since he was strict in teaching and giving discipline more parents let their girls to study there.Later the college grew and before ten years it had about more than 2000 girls! And the college promised most of the courses, up to PG level.At that time only he had more than two lakhs monthly income.
I am not sure still the college is recognized or not..

God would have decided some thing for every one. We could not obstruct his decisions. It is waste of time saying , if I should have done this before........If it is late when we understand things, no need to hesitate to take a decision, still we can do it in a delayed time..I hope so.
You have a compliment from me , and have given at the topic.

Eljaype · Nov 9, 2006

Warning bells...

Hi,

As you said , warning bells should be taken into account when it starts sounding inside. We should understand them and take notice.
My husband had a passion for photography but never went ahead with it because it was a costly hobby then. Getting a camera for oneself was very difficult. He couldn't afford that one also.
So now that he has retired and at home he has taken it up as a hobby and his son is supporting him. Our son has also the same taste and both together are having fun.
Even if they are old , they can still pursue their interest. There are ways and means to learn everything easily nowadays not like old times. Instead of crying and complaining , that person should have started doing it with all interest. He would have atleast satisfied himself.
One shouldn't accept failure that easily.
Latha

Preethi · Nov 9, 2006

Better later than Never, Varalotti !

Dear Varalotti,

You are back to the same topic but with a different example (a real life incident this time!)

The father in this story is really smart, To express exactly the way I feel about the dad, let me say "Avar than pillaiyai thathi koduthu, than kaariathai saathichitaar"....

Now there is no point in the son crying at the age of 55 feeling he has missed what he wanted to do. ! The swamiji's words are very true, if the man's urge was so strong, he would have taken all efforts to become a painter and not meekly listen to his dad at every crucial decision making stages of life ! If he had been so passionate about drawing these words wouldn't have come out of him.
“I am now 55. I don’t have any hopes on becoming a painter now. My father is dead; so is my passion to draw. I feel a great vaccuum in myself. I don’t know what to do.”

Tell me Varalotti, is Passion something which dies with age ? certainly not...If you're passionate about something, you're passionate about it till you hit the grave !

This guy should have the audacity to chase his dreams, no matter what the interventions were. I feel the guy could have easily convinced his dad at his young age, than falling for his bait at every crucial stage of his life.

The man didn't even attempt him dream career, all the while he had given himself to the circumstancial needs of life.

This bit of regret what the son had for not having attempted painting at age of 55, had he done soon after his graduation, he might have taken the corrective measures to get back to his right track of passion and today he might have been a painter. His tears now has absolutely no meaning in my view !

Finally, I still feel he hasn't lost much...............! if he makes sincere attempts and has genuine urge, he can still produce great work in painting ! In reality, there are many old ladies/guys who start pursuing their passions after completing all their family responsibilies...I heard of a lady , who after settling her children with good jobs and marriage, went onto pursue her interest in tanjore paintings and now is making not only good money out of the sales of her paintings abroad, but also, realised her life-long dream into reality !

Age is never a blockade to your dreams Varalotti....If there is a will, there is a way, even at the age of 80 !

Love,
Preethi

Eljaype · Nov 9, 2006

Preethi is right

Hi,

Yes Preethi, you are right. Self pity won't get anyone anywhere. Always find out what your passion is and go for it. That should be the motto. There is no point in complaining over spilt milk.
Everybody has their own dreams. I also had .
I was never allowed to have a career at an young age. After marriage I didn't get time. Now that my kids have flown from the nest. I learnt computer not much, just the basics . Just enough to get into the net first and to slowly find my way in.
I joined ammas and got my first cheque from them last month. That was my first earning. I was so happy with it.
There is no age to go ahead and realising ones ambition.

Latha :wave

Preethi · Nov 9, 2006

Great Start Latha !

Latha,

My Hearty Congratulations to you ! You are indeed a great acheiver ! You are an icon to prove that age is no barrier to realise our dreams !

It's a great start for you and trust me, you're doing to make wonders ! At this age, your undettered spirit into learning and establishing your interest, is a way to start ! Great going !

I think its more appropriate to use you as an example, than the one I have specified to show "if there is a will, there is a way, even at ??" (Sorry, I don't know ur age !):tongue

Love,
Preethi

varalotti · Nov 10, 2006

Relax For A While!

Dear All,
Though this is not related to this subject, I am anxious that you should not miss Pankajas middle on Mysore Royalty and her poem on old age. You will also get Kamla's childhood memories as a bonus.
Please visit this thread
http://www.indusladies.com/forums/showthread.php?t=3311
Relax yourself for a while and then we shall continue with this heavy discussion.

regads,
Varalotti

Eljaype · Nov 10, 2006

Thank you, Preethi

Dear Preethi,

Thank you for encouraging me. As you said ' If there is a will there is a way even at 52 '. Yes I am 52 years old. But i never accept that I am old. Once you accept it , then you are a gone case. You get caught there. If you start saying that you are getting old, you will very soon.
Latha :wave

sudhavnarasimhan · Nov 10, 2006

Dear Sridhar,

I too felt that this person, maybe id not have enough passion to follow his dream....if he had he would not be crying in front of the swamiji....that is like placing the blame on some one else....escapist attitude.
Anyway i have been readin roben Sharma's ::::Monk who sold his ferrri and these lines seemed apt here....

"A burning sense of passion is the most potent fuel for your dreams. Here, in our society we have lost our passion. We do not do things because we love to do them. We do things because we feel we have to do them. "

I guess everyone needs to have this passion and try to follow their dreams , whenever it is possible. Where there is a will there is a way. We can already see this in Latha, and her post clearly advocates this thought.
So.....let us live and let live, should be our motto, right?

varalotti · Nov 11, 2006

That's a Good One, Shahana!

Shahana,

The incident you have quoted is quite powerful and is very instructive. The bank manager's passion was strong. That is why he did not mind his fathers anger or others ridicule and went ahead to realise his dream.

Whereas in the case of the man of my story, the passion was not strong enough. He allowed himself to be swayed by the gentle words of his father.

And now Shahana, a question to you. I am sure you will give an honest answer. The bank manager in your example achieved success - both financial and other wise. He earned much more money than he could do as a bank manager.

Suppose he had succeeded in his chosen avocation. He could make only one-fourth of what he did in his earlier job. As a result of which his wife and children had to cut down their life style. Will you still support him and will you still quote his example with pride?
regards
sridhar