A Love Story For You!

Most Gracious ILites,
I love the way this love story thread developed into a discussion forum. That's one thing I love about IL and ILites. It's always a 'no holds barred' discussion but carried in a very friendly way.

I had of course given my counter arguments to all those who said what Stella Bruce did was wrong. I had all the arguments words can make but still had a feeling that my work in this thread and on this discussion is unfinished.

As if to answer my prayers I read a news item today which I want to share with you.

Those who said that SB did a foolish thing, just compared him with those husbands who survived their wives and were leading a good life helping the rest of the family and their community in their own way. I, or for that matter, any one cannot find fault with such an argument. Any person compared with a better or a wiser person always looks foolish. Anyway the discussion was not about SB's wits but about his love.

Compare Stella Bruce with the Nobel Laureate V.S.Naipaul. In his authorised biography written by one Patrick French, he is described as a cruel and a selfish man.

Naipaul admits of having sought prostitutes' company when his first wife Patricia was dying of cancer. He even admits , "I think that consumed her. I think she had all the relapses and everything after that. She suffered. It could be said that I killed her."

Now my dear friends go back to the leader post and read it once again.

Love,

Dear, dear Sridhar,

The lead post in this thread was probably not acceptable to many of us. But what it tried to show was that there are different ways of looking at the same issue. While the whole SB incident cannot be glorified or even accepted in the logic of 'persepective', I do agree that taking that angle rationalises the whole episode. Let us for a few minutes suspend our arguments that SB's suicide will shatter his aged mom. We will totally overlook the fact that suicide is a crime against the state, a crime of passion albeit a crime. And we will forget all the cancer, spastic and other challenged persons, and their care givers and their determined efforts to hold on to life and hope.

Let us for a wispy moment float in the cloud of love that SB had for Hema and allow no other emotion to cloud it.

As you say, the first discussion was unfinished. There was something more to be said and heard on both sides. And with the new post on Naipaul, you have reminded us that the first discussion was on SB's love and not his wits. Agreed. Period.

Now getting back to wits, any incident or person, as you say, when compared to a better one will look poor in comparison. Sunil Dutt and Nargis had a committed relationship based on love.When Nargis succumbed to cancer,Dutt chose to live and fill his life with other commitments. And I can easily find another example where the bereaved spouse did not cope efficiently. An emperor might build a Taj Mahal, a DSP in Rajasthan became a transvestite after his wife's death, going to work dressed in saree and jhumkas. People cope differently.

Now, you have chosen the example of Naipaul who emotionally brutalised his dying wife even hastening her death. A cruel man, he was selfish, self centered and chose to think only of himself. He will not be able to forgive himself for wht he did. And compared to him, SB is the model husband and citizen.

Now, let me compare Naipaul to Picasso. A brilliant painter who used his models in abusive manner, treated his wives still worse, was a sex pervert, passed off paintings by his mistress as his own. Or Rodin who identified a genius sculptor in Camille Claudel. Made her his student, his model, his mistress, his cast away human wreck. Thwarthed a career, a person, her parents, her mind- she ended insane. Now campared to these artistic men, Naipaul is better. Atleast, he has spoken openly about his mistakes, he is probably contrite.

Right??? No, wrong, absolutely wrong. And here again, we have to take refuge in perspective. What each of these men did is wrong. Picasso,Rodin, Naipaul and SB- all were wrong in their own way. They all staryed and wronged. (I can find ten women who have also wronged, if we wish to keep the gender balance here).

A few words need to be thrown,' judgements', 'rationalisations', 'comparisons', 'absolute terms'.

What each man did was wrong in absolute terms. In comparison, I can find ten dictators who would make Hitler look angelic. I can quote five episodes that will make the Holocaust look like a carnival. In comparison, in leverage, anything can be rationalised and trivialised. And even glorified.

But courts of law and minds of humans do not go by comparison. We need absolute parameters to set standards.And in that context, I still say that what SB did was wrong. I know that he hurt no one except himself or his family, but in my mind I still cannot condone his suicide. And comparing him to Naipaul is not the answer.

To put a part of all this in perspective , all I can say is true love did not factor in any of these lives. Both men loved- but they loved themselves most. Naipaul showed his narcissicism in visiting brothels while his wife ailed. SB showed his self love by claiming his own life while an aged mother survived him. Oh, yes,love it was but all too misplaced.

I went back to the leader post and read it again carefully to make sure I have not missed any points. And I still contend SB should not have committed suicide.

affly
Vidya

V24,

My god. you have to write more.
I just don't have words to describe what I felt as I read through your fb. The strength and conviction in your arguments is

Dear, dear Vidya,

I read your response once, twice, thrice... And then went on and read Shanthi's post. Along with Shanthi I also

Honestly Vidya, you should write more.
And as I say often in this site, the defence rests. And it rests in peace and love. In peace, knowing about so many other people and other incidents and in knowing about another perspective, as powerful as that of the leader post, if not more. And in love of the beautiful way it was communicated.
Hats off to you Vidya.
As a service to posterity I am quoting your entire response in my reply. Just to make sure that those beautiful words stay at least in two different forms.
Hats off to you my dear friend.
love,

Originally Posted by Vidya24

Dear, dear Sridhar,

The lead post in this thread was probably not acceptable to many of us. But what it tried to show was that there are different ways of looking at the same issue. While the whole SB incident cannot be glorified or even accepted in the logic of 'persepective', I do agree that taking that angle rationalises the whole episode. Let us for a few minutes suspend our arguments that SB's suicide will shatter his aged mom. We will totally overlook the fact that suicide is a crime against the state, a crime of passion albeit a crime. And we will forget all the cancer, spastic and other challenged persons, and their care givers and their determined efforts to hold on to life and hope.

Let us for a wispy moment float in the cloud of love that SB had for Hema and allow no other emotion to cloud it.

As you say, the first discussion was unfinished. There was something more to be said and heard on both sides. And with the new post on Naipaul, you have reminded us that the first discussion was on SB's love and not his wits. Agreed. Period.

Now getting back to wits, any incident or person, as you say, when compared to a better one will look poor in comparison. Sunil Dutt and Nargis had a committed relationship based on love.When Nargis succumbed to cancer,Dutt chose to live and fill his life with other commitments. And I can easily find another example where the bereaved spouse did not cope efficiently. An emperor might build a Taj Mahal, a DSP in Rajasthan became a transvestite after his wife's death, going to work dressed in saree and jhumkas. People cope differently.

Now, you have chosen the example of Naipaul who emotionally brutalised his dying wife even hastening her death. A cruel man, he was selfish, self centered and chose to think only of himself. He will not be able to forgive himself for wht he did. And compared to him, SB is the model husband and citizen.

Now, let me compare Naipaul to Picasso. A brilliant painter who used his models in abusive manner, treated his wives still worse, was a sex pervert, passed off paintings by his mistress as his own. Or Rodin who identified a genius sculptor in Camille Claudel. Made her his student, his model, his mistress, his cast away human wreck. Thwarthed a career, a person, her parents, her mind- she ended insane. Now campared to these artistic men, Naipaul is better. Atleast, he has spoken openly about his mistakes, he is probably contrite.

Right??? No, wrong, absolutely wrong. And here again, we have to take refuge in perspective. What each of these men did is wrong. Picasso,Rodin, Naipaul and SB- all were wrong in their own way. They all staryed and wronged. (I can find ten women who have also wronged, if we wish to keep the gender balance here).

A few words need to be thrown,' judgements', 'rationalisations', 'comparisons', 'absolute terms'.

What each man did was wrong in absolute terms. In comparison, I can find ten dictators who would make Hitler look angelic. I can quote five episodes that will make the Holocaust look like a carnival. In comparison, in leverage, anything can be rationalised and trivialised. And even glorified.

But courts of law and minds of humans do not go by comparison. We need absolute parameters to set standards.And in that context, I still say that what SB did was wrong. I know that he hurt no one except himself or his family, but in my mind I still cannot condone his suicide. And comparing him to Naipaul is not the answer.

To put a part of all this in perspective , all I can say is true love did not factor in any of these lives. Both men loved- but they loved themselves most. Naipaul showed his narcissicism in visiting brothels while his wife ailed. SB showed his self love by claiming his own life while an aged mother survived him. Oh, yes,love it was but all too misplaced.

I went back to the leader post and read it again carefully to make sure I have not missed any points. And I still contend SB should not have committed suicide.

affly
Vidya

Oh wow.....That was some post from Vidya!
Yes Vidya...me three......and sure more will join us.
Do write Vidya...Write more here, write for yourself and do think seriously about publishing your works and join the Writers' clan.
You have it in you....Go ahead Vidya..

L, Kamla

Yes Vidhya.....that was so strong and so convincing!
Come on, where were u hiding all these days.....OUT Vidhya.....we need more from you!

Vidya!
Hats off to you! I wonder if Sridhar still has any way to defend his write up about Love. Even if he does so, it will be too weak in comparison to your strong defense! And now I give my judgment! The Defense lawyer has won the case! And I do hope I am a fair judge! Varalotti, would you answer this please?

Most Gracious ILites,
Whenever you have the time please do click this link

My Dear GFs, Please Forgive Me! I Lied!

love,

Nice story...well developed theme