A Love Story For You!

Dear Varloo,
First accept my apologies for the inordinate delay in responding to your fb. I was engrossed in professional work and had to make the gracious ladies and the graceful men, wait for my reply both here in this thread as well as in HE Final.
I fully agree with you, Varloo, that there are women who are suffering a thousand times more than Stella Bruce. And men in worse condition. And they have not opted to kill themselves.
When people who lost their children in Tsunami decided not to kill themselves but instead adopt children who are orphaned by the same Tsunami, should Stella Bruce resort to that act of ugly cowardice?
Objection sustained your Honour.
But suicide is not a rational decision. He did not weigh the pros and cons of killing himself and then acted out his decision.
And for that matter neither love is rational. I know women who madly love their husband in spite of the fact that their husbands are worthless creatures. That does not in any way diminish their love. In fact if a woman loves a man knowing him to be worthless, I would rather salute that love, though that is irrational.
And Varloo to top all that you have even charged Hema. That is a new dimension to the whole incident. It is next to impossible for a woman to drive away her husband from her when he keeps coming to her.
Do you remember the story of Romeo and Juliet? Juliet is acting dead. But due to some mess-up the strategy is not known to Romeo who kills himself. Seeing him dead Juliet kills herself.
Applying your logic Romeo and Juliet are the greatest idiots in the world. In a way they are. But they are also the best lovers.
So the idiocy of Stella Bruce's act only makes his love shine even more.

I also feel sad for his mother. But again that only serves to show his love for his wife in a much better light. Even after knowing that his mother would be hurt, he has killed himself. Then imagine how much should he have loved his wife?
If you bring in the mother-sentiment to love, then all the lovers would look like idiots. Juliet is an idiot and so is Romeo, for they did not think about their mothers. Ditto for Laila, majnu, Salim Anarkali ...... Ambikapathy....


thanks for making me think in different direction.


regards,

Dear Malathi,

You know something? Once I read your strong post of objection I was really jumping in joy. Now I know that you are one woman who will never be afraid to speak out your mind. So with this post the words of praise you heaped on me in the HE Final episode assume a special significance.
Believe me,Malathi, I went to HE and read them again and now I enjoyed them even more.

Now coming to the point. If we learn the lesson "suicide is the answer to all the problems" from Stella Bruce's death, then I am pretty hopeless in communicating whatever I have thought. Stella Bruce's death teaches us about love. About how much a man can love his wife.

When it comes to love don't bring the intellectual scales to weigh the action. Intellect is a currency not recognised by love. Ambikapathi did a foolish thing. Of falling in love with the princess. It was as much suicidal as Stella Bruce's hanging himself. But we praise Ambikapathi. Juilet and Romeo killed themselves. I think suicide means killing oneself.
You can make two different statements about Romeo-Juliet's death:

1 Those idiots killed themselves. They never gave a damn to their old parents. Or like Varloo said, Juliet did not love Romeo properly. Otherwise she would have taught him how to live alone in this world without her.

2 Unable to be away from their beloved Romeo and Juliet killed themselves.

If you choose the first then R&J will look like an idiot's tale told by an idiot, whom the world calls Shakespeare.

And if you choose the second, then it is an epic of love written by one of the world's greatest poets.
"Good night Good night parting is such sweet sorrow
That I shall say good night till it me morrow."

Ultimately it is a matter of perspective.
And there are times in life when we should throw away our intellects and see everything with our heart. I sincerely feel Stella Bruce's death is one such instance.
You, Madam?
Thanks a lot for your fb. That makes your words of praise even more endearing, Malathi.
regards,

Dear Sridhar,
You need not apologise for your delay in replying. I know how busy you are.
Romeo and Juliet are only characters in a play where the writer made them commit suicide to make it a classic, only tragedy lives on in this world. But people struggling to live life fighting against all odds are unsung heroes. People who commit suicide are cowards who do not face the truth, they are courageous only in that moment. You need more courage to fight against hardships.
He could have done something for people to remember about his love forever. Instead he had done a very foolish thing. I won'tsay that he loved his wife more than his mother, each has their own place. Can anyone say that they love one particular person more than anything else in this world? He did not know how to live without his wife, so opted the easy way out.
Last issue of Ananda Vikatan has an article about the boy who loved the girl Kokilavani (who was burnt alive in a bus in Coimbatore). That boy Arul has decided to do things to remember her for ever. He is setting up many trusts and has decided to do social work. Now that is real love. May be he did not spend his life with that girl, they were only going steady. But still, te good intention of that boy shows his true love for that girl, even when he has not lived with her.
Opinions differ, that is why the world is so colourful, don't you agree?

Dear Varloo,
I salute the spirit in you to have come back with another round of beautiful arguments.

You need not apologise for your delay in replying. I know how busy you are.

Thanks for the understanding.

Romeo and Juliet are only characters in a play where the writer made them commit suicide to make it a classic, only tragedy lives on in this world. But people struggling to live life fighting against all odds are unsung heroes.

Romeo and Juliet are characters. And so are Rama and Sita. So are Stella Bruce and Hema. So are the countless people who inhabit the world. The drama we see in the theatre is no less real than the drama we see in this world. Shakespeare said, All world's a stage.

You shred Shakespeare into pieces by saying that he make them commit suicide only to make the tragedy live in the world. But tell me Varloo, if all people are "practical and pragmatic" then Romeo and Juliet would not have been a hit.

The review for the great Shakespearean Tragedy would have been like this:
"Though Romeo and Juliet love each other, we cannot accept their foolish decision to end their lives. Did they ever stop to think of their parents? Of their brothers and sisters?
We condemn Shakespeare for writing a tragedy like this just to make sure it lives on."

People who commit suicide are cowards who do not face the truth, they are courageous only in that moment. You need more courage to fight against hardships.

Agreed Varloo. No doubt about it. The point here in discussion is Stella Bruce's love for his deceased wife. He might be a coward. A fool. An idiot. But I am still drawn towards him for the love he had for his wife.

You are right. A mother has a different role to play. A mother is the most important person till the child grows up and after that the child has to only show his respect and gratitude for his mother.
Take it from me even the holiest of mothers can never hope to fill up the place of a wife.

He did not know how to live without his wife, so opted the easy way out.

It is not a question of knowing or ignorance. It's a question of love.

Last issue of Ananda Vikatan has an article about the boy who loved the girl Kokilavani (who was burnt alive in a bus in Coimbatore). That boy Arul has decided to do things to remember her for ever. He is setting up many trusts and has decided to do social work. Now that is real love.

I don't deny Arul's love. Love manifested in one form there. It manifested in another form in Stella Bruce's life.

Simply because love manifests in a form not acceptable to our "practical mindset" we cannot deny the existence of love.

I dont deny that suicide is an act of a coward. Stella Bruce did not hesitate to show himself as a coward. His love was so overwhelming that he threw aside other considerations and took this decision.

I will have to reiterate my earlier statement that unless we can put ourselves in the worn out shoes of Stella Bruce, we cannot pass any moral judgment over his act.

Opinions differ, that is why the world is so colourful, don't you agree?

That was one statement I do not want to differ from.

regards,

Hats off to you Sridhar for this wonderful sermon. As I have time and again mentioned, I become more and more enlightened after reading your replies!
And you have brought in Shakespeare, my favourite writer to prove your point. Yes, now I have realised, some times we have to keep aside our intellect.I am still learning the beautiful principles of life and that too from people who have really had great experiences and exposures. You are one among them. I am really blessed to get such people. Thank you once again, Sridhar.

You know something? Once I read your strong post of objection I was really jumping in joy. Now I know that you are one woman who will never be afraid to speak out your mind.

Thanks a lot for this compliment.( Shall I take it as a compliment?)But, that characteristic of mine has put me into lots of trouble!
I am sorry, In 'He' I had not left much of my comments as I was preoccupied with my own work. But it is flattering to know that you went back to my comments and read them a second time!
Regards,
Malathi

I will have to thank you Malathi. You have a knack of making me think on what I have already stated.
Yes, I sincerely met that as a compliment. I know for sure that such a characteristic will always put us into trouble.
Some time ago I approached my friend who is ten years my senior with the same problem. He is a scholar in sanskrit. And he quoted a verse in Sanskrit to give me advice.
I don't remember the exact words. But it ran like this:

sathyam brooyath; priyam brooyath;
na brooyath sathyam apriyam

May you always speak the truth. And whatever you speak may be pleasing. Dont speak the truth that is not pleasing to others.

When you want to say the truth that is generally not pleasant, you will have to look into the nature of the person you are speaking to. Many people can bear a lie; only few can bear the force of truth. To those people unless we have a fiduciary duty (where the other person is a spouse, a child or parent or a sibling) we should not speak out the unpleasant truth.

But rest assured Malathy, whatever you wrote here was very pleasing for me. For as I said that added an extra glow of authenticity to whatever you said in HE Final.

Thanks once again for the nice words.
regards,

sathyam brooyath; priyam brooyath;
na brooyath sathyam apriyam

May you always speak the truth. And whatever you speak may be pleasing. Dont speak the truth that is not pleasing to others.

When you want to say the truth that is generally not pleasant, you will have to look into the nature of the person you are speaking to. Many people can bear a lie; only few can bear the force of truth. To those people unless we have a fiduciary duty (where the other person is a spouse, a child or parent or a sibling) we should not speak out the unpleasant truth.

Those words are very true. But, to whom-so -ever we speak the truth, Truth is always bitter! I hope I can take the liberty to speak the unpleasant truth with you! Burt you have always been able to convince me with your indisputable replies.

Where there are roses there has to be thorns too.
Where there is joy there is sorrow too.
Where there is light there is darkness too.
We should learn to accept things as they are. More over perception differs from person to person.
What is day for us is night for the owl and vice-versa.
This thread, as many of your other threads has certainly made me look from the third angle view.
Warm regards,
Malathi

Dear Vidhya,
I could not express my opinion the way you have expressed so explicitly! I am a person who can be very easily be convinced. Both side arguments seem to be correct from the respective person's view. But as you very correctly pointed out, we all have certain social responsibilities and sure Varalotti's responsibility is certainly more. I am curiously waiting for his reply to see how he is going to defend himself to your FB!
Regards,
Malathi

Dear, dear vidya,

Your post shows that any day you are a far better writer than me. My God! What words, what expressions, what softness and what firmness! When you talk about my social responsibility, you did not sound like a critic; you sounded like my mother and my daughter. Only a few days back you made me almost choke in emotions reading about your Dad and the correspondence you two had. And now this!

If I know for sure that I will get this kind of response from you on issues where your views differ from mine, I will first try to find out what you think on a particular issue and then post something against it with the only aim of reading such a beautiful piece of writing.

Both in terms of the views conveyed and the way in which they were conveyed I will nominate, why nominate, even declare that this is the finest post of IL.

I have the reply written by you a few days earlier. If you permit me, I will post it here. But I would say this post of yours is much more beautiful and its softness has added to its strength.

I have always been against suicide and have never condoned it whatever may be the driving force. I now realise that there is a risk of my praise for SB's love being considered a tacit encouragement of suicide.

And I am fully aware of my social responsibility, vidya. Though of course I don't buy your argument of comparing your writings to a stale newspaper. I should say that if I have a social responsibility, yours is much more, as you write much better. Even now your role model post about the Ammani Mami and the African lady haunts me. Even now your mother's day post melts my heart.

Now let's get down to the issue. Writers are not just preachers. Of course many times a writer, directly or indirectly, touches a moral issue. Instead of saying 'gambling is bad' the writer may graphically describe a gambler's life and leave the conclusion to the reader. (My short story "Eedu" appearing in my anthology, Jannal illustrates this).

But the writer does not don the moral hat all the time. Many times he does not judge or preach, overtly or covertly. He is simply amazed by what he has seen and just puts that into writing. Any phenomenon that amazes a writer may have many dimensions. He might me so amazed by one dimension, that he might have ignored the other dimension.

In SB's case what amazed me is his love for his deceased wife which ultimately led him to suicide. Let me repeat what amazed me is his love and not the act of killing himself. If I had known him earlier and if I had had the opportunity, I would have even talked him out of it. But that is besides the point.

The amazing thing is the love a 67 year old writer had for his dead wife. And that was the highlight of the story. The fact that the love manifested in suicide does not in any way mar the intensity of it.

If we start seeing love wearing our practical spectacles on, then no love will look all right. Why should Romeo kill himself and Juliet follow suit? Does that mean that Shakespeare violated his social responsibility (if responsibility is proportional to talent, then Shakespeare's responsibility should be at least a million times more than mine) by advocating suicide as the solution?
No. Shakespeare just observes the drama of love unfolding before him and he just captured it for his readers. What I did was neither less nor more. Writers have a greater social responsibility of capturing intense moments of life happening before them. Discussion of moral issues is only secondary. After all they are not just writing moral text books for fifth grade students to talk only about preachy stories.

Ambikapathi falling in love with Amaravathi is a worse form of suicide. Being an intelligent poet knew very well that the Chola King would never consent to his marrying Amaravathi. Kambar cautioned him several times. Ambikapathi did not listen. By eulogising Ambikapathi's love do we encourage impertinence and disobedience? Do we flatter his not listening to his father's sane advice?

Mu. Raghava Iyengar has written a wonderful short story on how Kambar grieved after his son's death. Our speaking of Ambikapathi's love in flattering terms does not interfere with our social responsibility. Or does it tacitly encourage suicide? I don't know.

I am not so good at words. But something in me rebels against bundling SB and Rajiv Goswami in the same category. I don't know how to express that. But that's it.

Finally, vidya, my dear friend, it is all a question of perspective. Let me repeat an anecdote which probably you might have heard a hundred times.
A Professor in Medical college was quite concerned about his students taking to drinking. To demonstrate the evils of drinking he did a small experiment.

He took a small worm and placed it in a glass of clean water. The worm was squirming in it with joy. Then he put the same worm in a bottle of alcohol. The worm died within seconds.

The professor told the class: "See, this is what alcohol does to your body. It can kill you."

One of the students saw the incident from a different perspective. His inference: "Alchohol will kill all the germs in your body so that you can lead a healthy life."

Ultimately it depends on what we choose to see in an event!

Thanks for giving me the pleasure of reading such a wonderful piece.

regards,
sridhar

Most Gracious ILites,

That was one discussion I loved. Thanks to the gracious ladies who agreed with me; more thanks to those who disagreed and made me think more and write more.

I don't know about you. But I am much wiser than what I was when I started this thread.

"Will you be my GF?"

That is my next poser to you.

Before rushing to lodge a complaint against me, do spend a few minutes reading the post.

love,
sridhar