Will You Play With Me?

Dear Ramya,

First things first. I apologise for the delay in responding to your fb. I'm sorry. I spent several sleepless nights on the next episode of HE which left me practically with no energy to do other things in my spare time.

I have been wanting to tell you this for a long time. But then I thought I can tell you when you visit my forum. I like your way of addressing everyone as "Dear most". That really sounds sweet.

It was very interesting to know about your experience in Tennis. We do have Tennis Courts in our club too. I first thought it was just a lazy game until one day I was asked to hold the Racket and hit the ball. Then only I found out what kind of stamina it demands. Your wrists should be very powerful if you are regular in playing Tennis.
Happy to know that you got a fairly good name from your trainer.

"We should win in the game of life"
That's true, Ramya. But when it comes to the game of life, the real problem comes when we attempt to define "winning" Winning the game of life is not being first in making money. Its not being in a powerful job or position. Or being married to someone beautiful, handsome, wealthy or powerful. Winning in life means being happy while playing the game of life. Loving others while the game is being played, whether the "others" are on this side of the net or that side. If this definition of winning is accepted, then I'll accept the statement appearing in bold letters.

And Ramya, your fb may not be the first. But I am sure, it is one of the longest I ever received for my writing in IL.
Thanks.
regards,

Dear Meena,

Thanks for the long fb which contains some pearls of wisdom. The incident you have quoted is quite touching. It is not given to all of us to be on the stage. Unless there are people like us sitting off the stage, there will be no meaning in people getting on to the stage.

Of course when you play, you need to play with the idea of winning the game. Otherwise we'll lose interest in playing. At the same time when we realise that the other team is a better team, the best strategy is to do our best and gracefully concede our defeat.

I wrote this post on Monday when we played and won the game by doing away with feelings of animosity.
We played another match on Wednesday. Now theirs was a decidedly superior team. My Partner and I was not fully prepared. We lost the match in just two straight games. Somehow I was not sad over this defeat. I was very happy. In fact now the whole ground is discussing about the winning strategy I devised on Monday.

In fact they are all singing an old Tamil movie song which goes like this:

சொந்தக்காரங்க எனக்கு ரொம்பப் பேருங்க
நான் சொத்தா மதிக்கறது அவங்க அன்பத் தானுங்க

Victory or defeat, we should let life go on as usual.

If you are desperate to get something, you’ll never get it........Wow!! Yours words are to be treasured sir!

Thanks Meena. I have been having this policy from very early days. And only recently I got an explanation for this. (I think from Neale Donald Walsch in Conversations With God Part 1) When you say or think, I Want some thing, the Universe just reinforces that want. That is to say that the Universe ensures that you will be wanting that thing for a long time to come. That means you will never get it. And when you are desperate the wanting is more intense and you will be in a state of want for a long time.

So we have to tell the universe, I have it. It is not just uttering a falsehood. It is not feeling the want for the thing. When you feel in the depths of your being you already have it and you don't have it physically, the Universe rushes in to fill your physical need. So never have the need felt at your mind or heart. The heart should always be fulfilled.

thanks for the fb, Meena.
regards,

Dear Chithra,
I think we are talking about different institutions here. In the Union Club I know only playing happens in the name of playing. Probably in those olden pre-historic days UC might have been like what you have said.
Oh, wait, wait, now I understand. You are talking of UC at night, and I at day. Yes, what you say is true. Gossipping happens in the night. The morning sessions are attended by very innocent, child-like persons like me who do not even know the meaning of the word Gossip.
Incidentally UC is celebrating its 125th Anniversary. I have been asked to write an article for the Souvenir. If its published I'll post it here. I have taken care of some of your views in that article. Let's see.

Please do not change your name to
Varalotti Controversy Rangasamy
As per your friends' statements, why not you consider
Varalotti "talking too much" Rangasamy

Thanks for being very soft with me, Chithra. I take this as a compliment. For when I talked about this to my wife (about the change of name from VR to VCR) she said that an apt name will be, "Controversy Controversy Controversy".
Howzzat?

Well analysing games, strategy etc - I am incapable !

Do you know Chithra that one should not lie in my forum? There is a clear rule on that. Since you are lying for the first time you are pardoned.
Now who's talking about incapability of analysing games, strategy etc. Or lying that you are incapable is in itself a writing strategy? I don't know.
Thanks for agreeing to play with me? (But have you agreed? I think I assume too many things)
Thanks for visiting the thread and thanks for the fb.
love,

Thanks, Sundari. Strategies like this are useful to break away the mind from the rut it has been travelling for many lives and make it travel upward, the only direction worth travelling.
Thanks once again, Sunkan.
regards,

Hello Sathya,
Thanks. We won that kuttiyundu match and lost the next kuttiyundu match. Strategies like this wont work with the team that plays better. Many a time accepting your defeat could be the real winning strategy.
Some 15 years back, a group of Doctors wanted to form a corporate hospital in Madurai. They were scouting for good auditors. One of the Doctors asked me whether I knew anything about getting Foreign Exchange Clearance from the Reserve Bank. I was tempted to say yes as I could learn that in a day. But then I thought honesty is the best policy and told him that I didn't know a thing about that, as I did not have an opportunity to do that work. But if it is necessary I can learn that in a day.
Then I thought they will go over to some other firm. A week later they gave the assignment to us. The Doctor said, "Yours was the only honest answer. Others said they knew. But when we asked probing questions they admitted ignorance."
So let's write this in our notebooks, no, in our hearts. Many a time, gracefully accepting a defeat will be a glorious winning strategy.
Thanks for the fb, Sathya.
regards,

Dear AGRji,

Missed you for a long time. Welcome back. You say everything is a mind game.I go one step further and say that our whole life, this world and whatever we see is a game played by our minds and senses.

And Madam, you have not yet answered my question. (See the title of this thread)
You said you are thinking about the strategy. Well, thinking for some 72 hours about the strategy to be used in a game that lasts for less than 30 minutes, is by itself not a good strategy.
Still waiting for your answer.
regards,

Dear Sridharji

I was just attempting a mind game........by giving such dhamaka to you.........probably overplayed it........still it is our dear Varalotti and so will of course play with you.......thanks for ur reply (since I am not calling u Sir, u need not call me madam)

Dear Varalotti,

Congrats on winning.... First....

Now... It reminds me of what I used to tell my son, when he goes to the karate competition... I used to tell him.... Winning or losing is not important... How you perform is important... Have you put in your 100%... that is what is important... Because, if he loses, he will start crying and I cant see kids crying.....

Similarly, when I am in extreme tensed situations, I just walk out of my cabin and go and chit chat/joke around with my staff... Once one of my staff said, you dont seem to be looking tensed... hahahahahaha... This helps me to come out of the tension and then I can clearly focus on what needs to be done and how....

I used to play cricket and badminton.... Those days my emotion was playing rather than my mind.... When you play for winning, then you will be more tenses.... Because you are trying to perform and impress upon yourself and others by winng... Then you are bound to get tensed... When you are tensed, you make mistakes, which leads to agitation and desperation, which will again lead ou to make more mistakes.... This is a cyclical process and keeps manifolding...

In such situations first you havce to come out of the vicious circle and go back to the basics... Play for the game .... Enjoy you game... that will relax you... If you enjoy your game and played your 100%, then whether winning or losing becomes immaterial...

When you fine tune your mind set up for that, inning or losing is immaterial.... then you play a natural game and you will infact appreciate the opponents strengths... this will put you on a upper hand....

So you have played a beautiful mind game here... You have made you partner to relax... whereas your opponents got agitated and tensed....

Great... Hope what I have conveyed makes some sense....

Veda

Sridhar Sir,

Thanks for your enquiry about DH. He is doing fine and is going for 2-3 hours office work.

It is true that every change must begin at home and closer to home.
Because if the home is fine,then the town will be fine, the comes the State and the country and the world as a whole.

sriniketan

Dear Veda Vyasan,

Your response to this thread should have come four days early. Then I would have read it, imbibed its teachings and would have even won the third match we played.

But honestly, I have no regrets on losing that match.

Well about our advice to children, there is a kind of risk in teolling them, that winning is not that important. I see especially in Europe and the US that the children have lost interest in everything and have gone to drugs and sex.

We should tell our children, "Winning is really important. But it should not come at a cost of your values or your health or your happiness."
But more importantly we should have, as parents, to tell these words:

"If after all your sincere efforts, all your hard work you are nowhere near winning in the game you have chosen to play, well, my dear, then you are in the wrong game. Quit this game and go for something else."

In his young days Dhoni wanted to play Tennis. He tried hard but could not make his mark there. He then moved over to cricket and the rest, as they say, is history.

Twenty three years back I had to dismiss an accountant from my client's service. He was good, known to me. But was not good at work. He had just married and his wife had suffered a miscarriage. "Do you have the heart to fire me now, sridhar?" He asked.

I told him with firmness, "you are not cut out to be an accountant. Go out to the world. You may be a good salesman. Who knows?"
He suffered initially but later came up in life in the marketing field.

My theory is that we should be able to dismiss ourselves from the game, if we cannot do our best there.

I am sorry that I went tangential to what you have stated. You write very well and have conveyed another message in your post.
Thanks for accepting my invitation, Veda Vyasan.
regards,