Varalotti shares his "sweet sorrow" with us !

Dear Varloo,

Love flows downward is a very nice thought and a sad truth. I always complain that my daughter does not speak enough with me. While my parents complain that I do not speak enough with them. You have captured the truth very well.

It is also true that having small nuclear families we develop too much of attachment to our children. And the irony is that in those days where the family was large, the child normally will not go very far. But now in our small families almost every other child goes abroad. This is particularly so for us living in Mofussil Towns. Our children would necessarily go away for studies and work.

A friend of mine who has two boys told me, "It is better to have boys because they would always be with you." I told him "You are out of date by at least 20 years."
When the boys finished their degree they went out. And now they are setlled in the US and the Europe.
"Empty Nest Syndrome" which describes the children leaving our homes, has been classified as a major stress factor.
Another thought comes to my mind. Ours was a large family. We were four children to our parents and a few other relatives like aunt and uncle were staying with us.
My Dad who is in his 70s belongs to an earlier age where show of emotions was not allowed. He would not show his affection openly to the children. When my sister was married long back, my Dad remained pretty cool.
But when she made her first call from Chennai Dad, on hearin her voice, simply broke down and was sobbing uncontrollably.
The point is that even in crowded homes these feelings are there. But people cleverly conceal it till a point where they could not hold it any longer.
Varloo, you need not be apologetic about your writing. You convey what you have in your mind. And I always love to interact with you. There is no need to write like a writer. Enough we write like human beings with a heart full of love and affection. In that sense you write very well, Varloo.
Just keep on writing. One day you would have blossomed into a real writer.
regards,
sridhar

Originally Posted by varloo

Dear Sridhar,
what you say is correct. Atleast, we could try to tune ourselves for the parting to some extent. When they are sent some place for holidays, they and we also learn to cope the parting to an extent.
And in olden days, girls were always said to be someone else's property and the parents' mind is set in that way. Sons usually stay with them or go for employment outside, which was not very common.
Like you said, there will be a huge crowd in the homes and no one will have the time to show their emotions and then they were not encouraged also.
Here comes my point, now that the family is small, we interact very closely and so it becomes more difficult to part. You must be close to your daughter, what about your mother's father? He would not have been close to his daughter. I am sure he would have done everything for her and loved her very much. But they would not have been buddies like us.
We respected our elders and then loved them. Now , the youngsters are friendly and they even tell us when we are wrong. We also take it without any bitter feelings. Could this have happened in those days?
I don't remember correctly, but I read in a Tamil story that love is like water - it flows down only. So the parents love their children more and once those children have their own children they too love their children more than the parents.
I am not a writer like you and I have said whatever came to my mind.
With warm wishes,

Dear Varalotti,

Your article is short, yet so apt. You have bought out the feelings of a parent very well! My daughter is 21 months old. But my hubby and me sometimes talk like shes 21 years!, Yes..the other day, he was telling me "Sho namma kutti kalyanam ai poidume!", somehow that hit my heart!I totally understand what you are going through. Experienced people of IL may know what is in store for you next(ur daughter getting married), but for me, the school and college parting seems to be too tough even to think of!

Nice article , Varalotti. I can understand the feelings, if the mother of a girl child had written this, but being a father you are getting so emotionally involved is something that surprises me pleasantly. Hope all men are as sensitive as you are!!

Regards,
Purni

Dear Purnima,

I am surprised that you have begun to feel the pangs of parting even now. But one thing is sure. In these days our children - boys or girls - are going to leave us one day or other.

Many of my relatives use to say, all said and done, a boy is a boy, he will always be with us. Naive, foolish and incorrect.

I always quote my father-in-laws example. He has 3 sons and one daughter. One son is in the US, the other is in Germany and the last in New Delhi. Whereas his only daughter is right here in Madurai and can visit him once a week at least and is available on call when needed.

A time to shatter the "boys will always be there" myth!

About sensitive men. I know many men who are sensitive. But the problem is that the society would brand them effeminate if ever they show or declare their feelings. So they have to pretend that they are hard and insensitive.

And when this lie is practised for long, it becomes truth. That's why many men are insensitive.

We the society should learn that we should not mock men when they weep. Even now when I read something profound I cry. When I see something moving on the screen (big or small) I shed tears. But I am not ashamed of it. I am proud of it. That is the way it has to be.

Thanks for sharing your views, Purnima.
sridhar

Originally Posted by purnima_2k

Dear Varalotti,

Your article is short, yet so apt. You have bought out the feelings of a parent very well! My daughter is 21 months old. But my hubby and me sometimes talk like shes 21 years!, Yes..the other day, he was telling me "Sho namma kutti kalyanam ai poidume!", somehow that hit my heart!I totally understand what you are going through. Experienced people of IL may know what is in store for you next(ur daughter getting married), but for me, the school and college parting seems to be too tough even to think of!

Nice article , Varalotti. I can understand the feelings, if the mother of a girl child had written this, but being a father you are getting so emotionally involved is something that surprises me pleasantly. Hope all men are as sensitive as you are!!

Regards,
Purni