Varalotti shares his "sweet sorrow" with us !

Dear Sridhar,
that was very good. We, today's parents feel more bad at the departure of our children is because we have one or two children only and we lead our lives entirely based on them. Our parents did not live like us. We adjusted to them, the elders of the family an not the other way round. Our parents did not have the time to attend to us many children personally and so did not feel much. Sure they missed us, but very little, when compared with us.
I have made it a point to send Aravindh to my brother's house during the summer holidays alone so that both of us will get the practise.
When I read all such posts, I say to myself that I should develop a practical attitude in my life also.
With warm wishes,

It is a very nice middle Varalotti!! It set me on the memory lane down to my childhood. I was crying very badly for my mother but nowadays I guess this generation kids have lot of courage in them ...my younger cousins went happily to school...

Parting pain is not for the parents alone ; children also undergo it .
I have been married for a year and a half now and have come very far away from my mom. But that pain is still in my heart ...
I am longing for a day to go back to the life .I still get up many thinking why my mom is not yelling at me for sleeping so late...
I think I never will get used to the thought that I have left my mom and my house...

I never wrote any comments to your articles before even though I enjoyed it very much because I am a very poor writer...This is the first time I had courage to do so because the middle was no nice that I cant stop myself

Dear Sudha,
The poignancy of the situation arises because when our child is there with us we take her for granted and dont spend enough time with her. But when she is ready to go away we feel the heaviness. I think part of it is a kind of guilt feeling that we ought to have spent more time with our children when they are living with us.
regards,
Varalotti

Dear Kamla,
Thanks for those soft words of praise. Yes, Preethi is well settled in her new surroundings. She is very happy as she is into a people-centred course. They go out into the field twice a week.
Often i bury myself in work and writing. But there are times where you simply cannot help feel your child's absence.
Every day Preethi and I used to go for a long bike ride. We have been doing that for the last 3 years regularly.
Usually I return from work by 630 and if I don't go home by 635 I am sure to get a call from Preethi.

A few days back I was immersed in work that I did not notice the time. It was almost 7:30 when I came back home. My wife comes back from her games only around that time. So my absence was not noticed. It was at that time I badly missed my daughter.

Life goes on.
sridhar

Thanks, Sharada. I too cant imagine my condition when she gets married.
It is not that we are all crying every day. But every now and then the absence is felt clearly, though we are carrying on with our work.
Yes, Indhu did cry on our daughter's first day in school.
Life is full of surprises.
sridhar

We may not admit the truth, but many times we are sad because we are not missed especially by our children. But the undeniable fact is that the child never fails to miss his or her parents. The child may not show her emotions openly. But the feelings would definitely be there.
Simply because Jeyanth did not cry it does not mean that he did not miss you. He did not want to show that. That normally happens with boys.
sridhar

Dear Faultless One! (Just to recaptulate the meaning of your name)
Yes. sometime or other every one has to face the big day. And as parents our real wish is to see our child happy, even if we are not able to "see" them.
So how was your son's first day in school? Why don't you write about your feelings and thoughts? What did your son do?
Every child is unique. And every response of a child is poetry. Because God is the most creative poet ever known.
regards,
sridhar

Dear Varloo,
thanks for the words of appreciation. I just want to say two things.
Whether you have 2 children or 20, when one of them goes away you will feel the pain. In those days our forefathers lived in a crowded house and show of emotions was not encouraged. Even to utter endearments to ones spouse was not possible. Simply because there was no outwardly show of emotions we cannot discount their feelings.
My suggestion in developing a practical approach is: there is no such approach. Be with your child as long as you can. And when it is time for him to go, send him away with your love and blessings. And when you feel the pangs of parting just have it. I don't think it is possible for us to train ourselves to be otherwise.
I would like to listen to your response on this.
regards,
sridhar

Dear Rogo,
thanks for the response. I am very happy and proud that my middle has made you to write, to respond to me for the first time.
You said it right. Parting pain is also for the children. In fact when we were in my daughter's hostel, we were talking with her roommate. She told us that my daughter was badly missing us all. She did not show that on her face or actions.
There is no need to get used to the thought that you have left your mom behind. It is the love we have for our dear ones who are far away from us that gives us our emotional strength.
I am very happy you chose to write to me, Rogo. Dont worry about writing. Everybody commits mistakes. When I wrote the serial here in IL there were at least 3 ILites who pointed out dozens and dozens of mistakes.
We are on the same boat, Rogo. The number of mistakes may vary here and there. So please do write every now and then.
If not for your sake, write for mine. Responses from readers are the vital food for any writer, and more so for me.
regards,
Varalotti

Dear Sridhar,
what you say is correct. Atleast, we could try to tune ourselves for the parting to some extent. When they are sent some place for holidays, they and we also learn to cope the parting to an extent.
And in olden days, girls were always said to be someone else's property and the parents' mind is set in that way. Sons usually stay with them or go for employment outside, which was not very common.
Like you said, there will be a huge crowd in the homes and no one will have the time to show their emotions and then they were not encouraged also.
Here comes my point, now that the family is small, we interact very closely and so it becomes more difficult to part. You must be close to your daughter, what about your mother's father? He would not have been close to his daughter. I am sure he would have done everything for her and loved her very much. But they would not have been buddies like us.
We respected our elders and then loved them. Now , the youngsters are friendly and they even tell us when we are wrong. We also take it without any bitter feelings. Could this have happened in those days?
I don't remember correctly, but I read in a Tamil story that love is like water - it flows down only. So the parents love their children more and once those children have their own children they too love their children more than the parents.
I am not a writer like you and I have said whatever came to my mind.
With warm wishes,