"Diya's Dilemma" - Contest for the month of June

Originally Posted by Malathijagan

Putting myself in the place of Diya, I would like to take sides with my younger sister Ria and convince my parents to accept Ria's choice.

The reasons that I would give my parents-

1. "I personally feel as parents you have duties towards your children. You do not have a right over them. They are not the properties at your disposal that you can do whatever you want with them. You have a right to feel happy or sad about them based on their decisions, choices and conduct. You have the right to inculcate good moral values in them (which you believe in, society's view points may differ), to enrich them with your experiences in life. Thus having performed your duties, just stand aside and watch them grow. Their decisions may go wrong. Their life my go hay wire. This may hurt you most. Yet, be there for them when they need you most." BECAUSE- That is when they will realise the value of true LOVE and the worth of parents."

__________________

Dear Malathy madam
Simply loved your entry !! Amazing analytical approach.

Especially the above point you have raised is exceptional. Words of wisdom.
"Live and let live" attitude if adopted by everybody minimises expectations and sorrows.

Thanks for your compliments too.

Regards
Sowmya

Originally Posted by Pushpavalli Srinivasan

Dear Sowmya,
Your entry also was equally good. Do participate in every contest. I really enjoyed your entry. Really the judges had a tough job. I think that's why the result was delayed for some time.
Love,
Pushpavalli

Dear Ma'am
Thanks a lot fo your encouragement! It made my day.

Regards
Sowmya

Originally Posted by induslady

Hi Geeta,

Yes, it is a great idea to get all the shortlisted entries posted here. They were best writings with great views.

Malathijagan, Honeybee & VidhyaS,

Please can you post your entries for the contest here?

Once again, Congratulations to all the four of you on your wonderful writings and viewpoints.

Malathy

First of all - thank you so much for a "special mention" of my post. I feel extremely honored!!!
Second - just a foreword before I post my entry - I understand that I did come across too strongly ain my viewpoint and expressed vehemently against the marriage. It was very well pointed out ot me and I thank you for the very intelligent comment from the judges.
However my strong views arise not out of bitterness, but out of practicality. Being a resident of the US, having a carreer that requires me to travel globally and working with a lot of multiculturally mixed people from around the world I knowI have seen a lot of real life events and situations that has lead me to believe that there are some cultures out there that sadly do not understand the depth of a serious relationship, the commitment to stand by your partner in good and bad times, and how sometimes the initial rosy hue of love sadly denigrates into a bitter depressing slur of hate and depression.
I am very proud of our Indian heritage and am not sure if our girls can just pick up and move one from a failed marriage as if nothing happened! Hence the very strong push to discourage this marriage, i.e. nip in the bud sort of approach in my posting.
I apologise in advance if anyone finds this too strong or depressing - didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings!

My response to DIya's dilemma

<HR style="COLOR: #ffffff" SIZE=1>Diya is in a difficult position - and the situation is not as fictional as it might appear to be either. This is something we all may have to face at some point or the other. Hence it is really value added to start thinking about a rational way to handle this, although I do not think we can be too rational when it comes to our own, right!

As Diya I would :

First calm my parents down and let them know that I am going to get to the bottom of this situation & that they should stay put!

Second would be attack on Riya - but very subtly. I would make a checklist of questions to ask Riya and all of them would be towards how much she knows this guy and his family , as though I have already approved & is moving forward: - How much does she know him, has she visited his family, does she know all members of his family, do they have any known criminal records, how stable is this guy at his job, did he have any previous girlfriend/s, how educated are his siblings (I am assuming he is since he works in the same Company as Ria), what are the financial committments after marriage towards his family / siblings, any health conditions to know about, food habits, etc etc etc.,

If Riya stumbles on any of her answers, I would actually encourage her to find out - visit them, or research about them or simply ask him. I would tell her that it is very important to get to know him & his family intimately. I would also encourage her to talk about our very strong & demanding Indian culture, strenous marriage rituals, how everyone is involved etc., the whole cultural thing. I would incite Ria saying that she should stick to her culture and get her way in the marriage (it is a girl's prerogative!)

In the meantime constantly send Ria through mails lots of info about the community- nice things, as well as all the bad things research shows up - how almost 85% of registered criminals in the USA belong to that community, how education is not so prevalent among them so bad that they are considered minority among the population, how most of them are among the lower income groups, how specific health conditions affect them almost exclusively, and how more than 95% individuals among the population have some criminal background or the other. I will slowly bombard her with all these articles under the guise of actually getting to know them better. I will also include my parents in this mailings. No personal opinions, only external research based stuff!

I would encourage Ria to go visit his extended family more & more - she would actually see them & their style of living, talking for herself real time. It is quite possible that this guy must be very suave and polished but not so all of his family - and this could very well disgust Ria!!!!

The idea is to make Ria face reality without making her feel that her choice of a mate is crap. I am pretty sure that something will surely come up within the answers to all these questions or the articles that will make Ria think twice about what she is getting herself into.

Remember Ria thinks she is in love, and nothing matters at this time including parents or siblings. So the only way to penetrate the brain is through her & what she is going to face if she takes the plunge - slow poisoning if you may!

If inspite of this, she decides to stick to her decision, the final salvo will be through my parents saying that they cannot allow this suicide to take place and they will cut off all relationship with her. I will however not say that & stick to her side. Bad cop / Good cop scenario. I would tell her that since she is my sister I will stick to her and hold her hand in the eventuality of a divorce and/ or a sour marriage- which is a certainity no matter how she feels now. She should just make sure that this fellow does not get her into any legal / criminal issues (I will even advice her to retain a lawyer early on, just in case)

If all this does not make her falter in her stand - then it is her fate - AMEN!!!!!
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but that's OK!!!!

congratulations geetha,

i think all the entries are very good and congratulations to sowmya, malathi and vidhya too!!!

everyone is a winner

cheers
sreelatha

Hello Geetha
Congrats for winning the Dilemma contest. Your entry had a logial reasoning and came out to be very good.

Hello Malathijagan, honeybee and VdhyaS,
Congrats for such a wonderful entry. Am sure your entries would have given the judges tougher time to decide. Way to go. Keep participating in the forthcoming contests too and you could definitely win the contest with such a writing flair.

Thank you sowmya, for having liked my approach to convince my parents.
Regards,
Malathi

Originally Posted by honeybee

Dear Malathy madam
Simply loved your entry !! Amazing analytical approach.

Especially the above point you have raised is exceptional. Words of wisdom.
"Live and let live" attitude if adopted by everybody minimises expectations and sorrows.

Thanks for your compliments too.

Regards
Sowmya

Vidhya,
Your post was good too, only that it is difficult to convince the present gen. and dissuade from a decision they have already taken. I have a personal experience to narrate. Before that I will quote some of your words-
If inspite of this, she decides to stick to her decision, the final salvo will be through my parents saying that they cannot allow this suicide to take place and they will cut off all relationship with her. I will however not say that & stick to her side. Bad cop / Good cop scenario.
This happened in one of my friend's family where I did I played Shakuni! My friend's daughter was badly in love with a guy and she confessed to me when I had caught her red-handed. When I tried to talk reason to her knowing her mom's ririgd views about love marriage, I got the reply from the girl that she had only 2 choices left-1) to run away from home or 2) never to get married in life. I told her to talk to her dad about her love and and she heeded to me. But it didn't work out and after a 1 year wait I had to play Shakuni so that neither the parents nor the girl were affected and now they are a happily married couple!
But my friend doesn't know that I helped in getting this marriage come through!

Dear Malathi and sowmya.,
I loved both your narrations very well. Sowmya, you have analysed the eldersister,s role very well.It was a perfect responsible idea to bring the BIL as mediator.
Malathi, yours was fullof practical wisdom coming from experience.Your analysis of what a parent should be is wonderful.Infact i am sure thejudges must have had a very tough time decidingthe winner.My congratulations to geetha also.
Sowmya,keep writing.
Regards,
Meenu

Originally Posted by Malathijagan

Vidhya,
Your post was good too, only that it is difficult to convince the present gen. and dissuade from a decision they have already taken. I have a personal experience to narrate. Before that I will quote some of your words-
If inspite of this, she decides to stick to her decision, the final salvo will be through my parents saying that they cannot allow this suicide to take place and they will cut off all relationship with her. I will however not say that & stick to her side. Bad cop / Good cop scenario.
This happened in one of my friend's family where I did I played Shakuni! My friend's daughter was badly in love with a guy and she confessed to me when I had caught her red-handed. When I tried to talk reason to her knowing her mom's ririgd views about love marriage, I got the reply from the girl that she had only 2 choices left-1) to run away from home or 2) never to get married in life. I told her to talk to her dad about her love and and she heeded to me. But it didn't work out and after a 1 year wait I had to play Shakuni so that neither the parents nor the girl were affected and now they are a happily married couple!
But my friend doesn't know that I helped in getting this marriage come through!

Malathi,
Thank you for your review of my post and offering comments. Ofcourse this is all fictional and we can all try different methodologies - until we are faced with it in real life - and then I guess everything depends on the situation and other factors.

Kudos to you -for applying this practically and helping your friend's daughter out in a wise manner. And thank the lord that it is a successful one. You should be very proud of yourself!!!!

Vidhya

Dear Sowmya,

Thank you. I read ur entry. it was fantastic. The way u had narrated the whole incident like a story, i loved it. Keep writing......... Would love to see more of ur writings...........

Regards,
Geeta.

Originally Posted by honeybee

Dear Geetha
Hearty Congratulations!

Regards
Honeybee