Re: toddler scared of going to toilet!
Parvathi, my son also had the issue of not wanting to sit the school potty to do his thing. At this point, he is actually old enough to undress himself, stand and pee in the potty. We are now trying to get him to aim it into the western toilet.
Some children are scared of the big potty and the sound flush makes. It does take a lot of patience and reassurance to help them overcome their fear.
One of the mommies here suggested dropping a couple of fuitloops into the toilet and turning peeing into a game. The child gets to hit the colourful loops with their pee. I intend getting some colourful flushable stuff to start training to pee standing up.
I have no suggestion for your second question. We did a lot preparation for school last year with books and animations on how it is to go to school. DS was very happy for a month and the all hell broke loose. He would cry to the point of getting sick every day. It was not worth the while for us and we took DS off school. We are getting readmitted this June - fingerscrossed.
When a child fails to behave appropriately, is not a reflection of a parentís lack of commitment or skill. It is not an indication that the child is lacking in any way. It is simply a facet of humanness. - Elizabeth Pantley in No-cry Discipline Solution book