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  1. #1
    ruchvarsh's Avatar
    ruchvarsh is offline Junior ILite
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    Angry help me plzzzzzzzzzz

    hi
    i m ruchika i have a 3yr old daughter staying in tokyo my problem is
    anna(my daughter) is becoming more and more stubborn day by day ,she just not ready to listen anything i do try to talk to her and try to tell her ,making her understand but everything in vain she dont want to listen all she do is keep crying shouting,yelling, throwing things i m upset and this she dont do sometimes but this is scene of everyday life.
    i dont understand what to do.
    yesterday i went to a mart while i was taking things she ran away from me and went to the cosmectic section there she started putting lipstick when i found her and ask her not to do she started crying and shouting she didnt wanted to come with me when i pretended that i m leaving her here and going she didint came with me and she started saying that you go from here ..i was shocked that she is not scared that i will leave her there .

    her tantrums are now getting over my head this is daily routine now i dont go anywhere with her just becoz of her tantrums.

    plz advice me what to do and tell me what i m doing wrong ..how to correct my fault.

    bye
    ruchika

    Last edited by ruchvarsh; 28th March 2007 at 11:04 AM. Reason: some mistake

  2. #2
    Vidya24 is offline Platinum ILite
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    Default Re: 3yr old daughter's behaviour problem

    Ruch,

    I have heard many people say that 3 to 5 years of a child's life are the most difficult for parents, since in these years the child becomes very stubborn and cranky. Their own individual personality starts developing and they resist parents and try to get their way. I am sure your daughter will outgrow this.

    I am sure that many matured moms in IL will have better parenting tips and advise for you in this matter.

    regards
    Vidya


  3. #3
    ruchvarsh's Avatar
    ruchvarsh is offline Junior ILite
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    Unhappy Re: 3yr old daughter's behaviour problem

    thankx vidya,
    i m really looking forward for the advices and experiences of ladies here please advice me as now the situation is getting out of my control i m not able to handle her.
    thankx


  4. #4
    arshi1611's Avatar
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    Default Re: 3yr old daughter's behaviour problem

    Quote Originally Posted by ruchvarsh View Post
    thankx vidya,
    i m really looking forward for the advices and experiences of ladies here please advice me as now the situation is getting out of my control i m not able to handle her.
    thankx
    hi,
    I'm having the same problem with my daughter. She's 3 1/2 yrs but she's become very stubborn these days but in my case i have another daughter who is 1 so i guess she's just reacting toward her and thrws tantrums to gain our attention. Sometime it gets very frustrating when she doesn't listen to me but then we have to be patient with them at that age... my mom says that once she's a lil older say 5-6 she'll turn out fine and its just that she doesn't understand at this age. just be patient with her but maintain discipline cuz they should know who has final say...
    ( u know its even more frustrating for me cuz my younger daughter observes my elder one and even she has started throwing tantrums. she thinks that she can get her way if she shouts and wails!!! The present generation is too much i'll say!!!! )


  5. #5
    krishnaamma's Avatar
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    Default Re: 3yr old daughter's behaviour problem

    Hi Ruchvarsh,
    <!--?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /-->
    First don’t worry. She is only 3 years old. I have some questions before I start telling my views.
    • Is she behaving normal with her father?
    • Do you tell her that she has to go to school from next year?
    • Is there any person with you? What I want to know is, are you living with your husband and child and no elders?
    • What about her eating habit?
    • What she will do in the house? Like playing, seeing tv or interested in music like that?


    Please answer me.

    Generally,
    1. We have to cut sugar for those children who are very stubborn and cranky. Sugar means direct sugar as well as chocolates too. (I know it is difficult but do it. Definitely she will come to your control. Then you can add slowly)
    2. Talk with your daughter at her bed time.
    3. You just tell her about your wish and what are you expecting from her.
    4. You just go on telling her even after she slept.
    5. Definitely you will find difference in her in the morning.
    6. Spend more time with her and try to know about her likes and dislikes.
    7. Teach her poems and small small slogas.
    8. Ask her to pray God.
    9. Ask your husband to spent some time for her.

    I think I gave many tips, even you want more than this, write to me. Don’t worry, SUB TEEK HO JAYEGA!!

    Last edited by krishnaamma; 28th March 2007 at 09:15 PM.
    guesshoo likes this.
    Bye, Krishnaamma "Kitchuppa's diet Plan"


    Dont Work Hard, Work Smart





  6. #6
    Vidya24 is offline Platinum ILite
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    Default Re: 3yr old daughter's behaviour problem

    Ruch,

    Sumathy(Krishnamma) has given some valuable tips. The point on sugar is very true. Cut down her sugar and carbonated drinks. That will reduce a lot of behavioural issues.Besides, if she takes less white sugar, the general mineral absorption will improve. So, it is better for her in many ways.

    Dont worry.These are just growing up pains.

    regards
    Vidya


  7. #7
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    Default Re: 3yr old daughter's behaviour problem

    Dear Vidya and Sundari

    This is new to me...what is this about sugar?Does it really cause behavioural issues?My son has about a tsp of sugar with his milk daily (3 cups) and also has one small chocolate almost daily.I have never had any behavioural issues with him.Also, is this a western thought because in India,I have noticed,that people do add sugar in milk for children and this has been going on for ages.Does it mean that those children too have /had behavioural issues?Only here,in the west,do people avoid sugar in milk and generally avoid giving too much sugar to kids.Because of this,do we find the kids here having no behavioural issues at all...definitely,my answer is no.

    I am not saying we should not limit sugar consumption.Yes, too much of anything is not good for health.I agree with that.

    I think a lot depends on what the kid sees/observes on a daily basis.My son used to watch teletubbies a lot when he was around 6 months to almost 1 1/2 years.I noticed that he started behaving like the teletubbies too.Then I slowly stopped him from watching that.Now too,he watches it maybe once in 6 mnths,but that has no affect on him now.Sometimes, while watching fight scenes in movies, he too would sometimes start hitting me thinking that it is alright to fight.So ,these days,we avoid scenes like that so that he is not exposed to the same.I can definitely see the changes in him.If at all he throws a tantrum, I just ignore him.Most of the time,it works.He comes around all by himself and then,I slowly sit and explain to him that what he did was not okay.Sometimes, distraction works. If the kid is throwing a tantrum over something,we can get him/her distracted by talking about something else and making that sound very interesting.

    Also,like Sundari said,talking to the kid about what you expect from him/her also works but that works only when the kid is sitting quiet and willing to listen to us.


  8. #8
    ruchvarsh's Avatar
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    Smile Re: 3yr old daughter's behaviour problem

    hello Krishnaamma
    1.she sometimes behave same with her father also. but donr get much time with him as he comes arnd 9 oclock in night.
    2.she goes to school .
    3.me and my husband stays in tokyo no elder with us .
    4.she is not a picky eater but sometimes do some donts in eating otherwise she is good. eat everything.but milk is one problem dont drink milk .
    5.she watch movies and very much intrested in doing makeup may be my mistake as i baught that kit to her bcoz she used to destroy my cosmectics.

    thankx.


  9. #9
    Kamla's Avatar
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    Default Re: 3yr old daughter's behaviour problem

    Dear Ruch,

    Like others have said here, do not worry too much about your daughter, she is three. That ofcourse is no consolation to you if she is defying you in everything. Krishnamma and Vidya have given you some valuable advice.
    Sunitha, I had to smile reading that your son started behaving like a teletubby:) Give him a big hug from me, he sounds cute.
    I have a three year old grandson. Generally, he is very well behaved. But he too became very 'stubborn and cranky' after joining pre-school. He is good with words and I often have to pinch myself to realise that he is three and not thirteen!
    However, we all are careful that his behaviour does not get out of hand. Because, like Ruch says, it can be inconvenient if the kid is throwing tantrums while shopping or when at friends etc. Besides, all of us want to teach good manners, right?! One should remember to be consequent with kids. If you promise something to them, then one must keep the promise. Also, no matter how much he/she may cry and fuss, one should see to it that certain rules must be simply followed and that they understand there is do's and don'ts.
    Krishnamma's tip about making time for them and sitting with them and reading and talking and finding out their likes and dislikes is important.
    If she is attending school, then it is very important to talk to her teachers and find out her behaviour at school and if she has any problems with her friends in school. If they face difficulties at school, they may show their frustration at home by being cranky.
    As for sweets, Sunitha, you are right. In India, perhaps one is not too careful about sweet stuff because our food is pretty well balanced. Here, almost all the kids have a lot of sugar in their food and drinks. Many were not aware of its effects till now. Too much sugar is not good. My daughter avoids giving my grandson sweet drinks and cookies etc in the late evenings. He does eat a pudding after dinner, but no juice or sweetened drinks in the night.
    All the best Ruch, just show her who the mom is and how she loves her:)
    L, Kamla


  10. #10
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    Default Re: 3yr old daughter's behaviour problem

    Dear Ruchi,
    wow, you have got such nice suggestions from our members, I have nothing more to add to it. The one thing I wish to insist is BE PATIENT AND NEVER LOSE IT. That is the best way to deal with the child. Tell her stories where children who behave badly get into trouble and say that she being a good girl, would not face such things. Always say that she is good and well behaved, before friends and guests.
    This idea keeps reminding the child that she is a good child and mummy is happy when she behaves herself.
    One bit of thought to keep in the back of the mind- if the problem persists, then try to get her assessed. You can find out if there is any problem then.
    I say this out of experience. My son was a very soft shild and never cried or threw tantrums. By the time he was5, he started to behave very badly. He was uncontrollable sometimes and I dreaded going out even to the hospital. I am strict about discipline and such things so never pampered my son.
    Then, I was askied to getmy son assessed. We found out that he had Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD). And then with medical help and councelling, he overcame that problem. By the time he was 8, he came back to normal and behaved well and studied. Now he is a very pleasant child and I am releaved that I took the decision of getting medical help. My mother and other elders were of the opinion that a male child will usually be very naughty. My hubby was against going to the therapist. But my strongness in this matter bore fruit and he is well now.

    I am not trying to scare you, mine is a diffent case. I pray and hope and your darling does not have any such things, she is just difficult due to this age.
    All the best to you.

    guesshoo likes this.
    With warm wishes,
    Varalekshmy
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