Kid not wanting to be touched in the playschool

asha_karthik · Dec 2, 2008

My LO's teacher today told that she wouldn't like to be touched by any other kids in the school. The very idea of sending her to playgroup as soon as she turned two was because she did not hv too many playmates at home or in the neighbours circle. Teacher says she has to be kept away from the other kids but thats not the reason why i wanted her to go to school in the first place. She has 2 of her old cousins (both boys) with whom she plays very well even though she meets them only once in a week or so.. and a few older kids in the neighbourhood she is very comfortable with.

She started attending school in june this year. Initially she used to cry a lot, but slowly she got used to it and in fact she was very cheerful when she started to school. But for the past 2 weeks i see a change in her (after new kids joined during vijayadasami).. she turns very serious when we approach the school.. sometimes she cries, sometimes she keeps a long face.. its very sad to see this. I am sure there is something that has happened in school.. maybe the new kids are still crying which upsets her or some other older kid might hv bullied her.. in any case, i am worried why she is so soft, timid and shy? she has not at all mingled with the other kids in the school - she stays away whereas other kids hv started playing with each other very well. i am very worried abt this nature of hers. pls help..

swathi14 · Dec 2, 2008

I suggest that in the play school after letting your child in, you keep watching her w/o the child's knowledge.

See she is approaching other kids / she is alone / What other children are doing / Is she participating in any play activities with them.

you take the help of the play school authorities for this. If she is fond of any toy at home - let her take that for the school for some times.

Is she crying / afraid if approached by other children? With girl children is she playing well?

Andal

asha_karthik · Dec 2, 2008

After entering the school, she stays alone. I requested the care takers to bring her out and let her play in the play area till the prayer begins. They do it only when told. I keep hearing that she takes part in all the play activities. What i hv observed outside of the school is, she plays with older children (girls and boys) but not prefers kids of her own age.

Once or twice i hv observed another girl pulling her by hand inside the school as soon as she enters.. talking to her something. only couple of days later, i heard the first complaint from her school that she was crying in the middle of the school all of a sudden. And today again, i was told that she doesn't like to be touched by other children.

Is this something to be worried about? How do i correct it?

swathi14 said: ↑

I suggest that in the play school after letting your child in, you keep watching her w/o the child's knowledge.

See she is approaching other kids / she is alone / What other children are doing / Is she participating in any play activities with them.

you take the help of the play school authorities for this. If she is fond of any toy at home - let her take that for the school for some times.

Is she crying / afraid if approached by other children? With girl children is she playing well?

Andal
Click to expand...

tikka · Dec 2, 2008

Not trying to scare you, Asha but have you noticed any bite marks, bruises, does she have an aversion to a particular set of children. Just wondering if she might be getting bullied there.
From what I have observed of children they do quickly form pecking orders and social hierarchy. Maybe your child does not want to be a part of it and is getting excluded from the group (?) Loud thinking. I see no other reason for her to regress all of a sudden. Any new teachers, help? What do the teachers at the playschool think about it... Do they observe her interaction with other students.
HAve your working hours changed in the recent past, your husband travelling, all well with your in-laws? Try and look if something has changed at home too, may be she is getting anxious about those changes home.

asha_karthik · Dec 2, 2008

Bite marks, bruises none.. but i am sure she is being bullied by other children.. not really bullying.. but she thinks it is. No new teachers, but there a few sub staff who are new. Let me check those aspects and discuss with her teachers.

Teachers keep saying that she is improving overall. this recent problem that they report is something they hv to work on. At home, there are a few issues, but at home, she is perfectly fine and i dont let any of the things at home affect or reach her. She is perfectly fine and happy at home. Even after getting inside the school she is fine. But she keeps a very sad face as she approaches the school road and the teachers say she suddenly cries when any other child touches her. The problem is only with her.. i am not trying to blame the kids who try to touch her or the teachers. She doesn't hv aversion to a group of children.. overall she isn't interested playing with kids of her own age. She plays together with seniors. From outside, how can i make her face all this bullying and be brave?

tikka said: ↑

Not trying to scare you, Asha but have you noticed any bite marks, bruises, does she have an aversion to a particular set of children. Just wondering if she might be getting bullied there.
From what I have observed of children they do quickly form pecking orders and social hierarchy. Maybe your child does not want to be a part of it and is getting excluded from the group (?) Loud thinking. I see no other reason for her to regress all of a sudden. Any new teachers, help? What do the teachers at the playschool think about it... Do they observe her interaction with other students.
HAve your working hours changed in the recent past, your husband travelling, all well with your in-laws? Try and look if something has changed at home too, may be she is getting anxious about those changes home.
Click to expand...

Traveller · Dec 2, 2008

Asha,

I am not able to think of any clear solution. But wanted to reassure you on your girl playing only with older children. My son is also like that. I don't think it's a matter of great concern if they also like her to be in their group. As Krithika says you might want to think on the bullying aspect. Here teachers normally handle such issues themselves but i don't know about your daughter's school. Did you ask her why she was 'sad' and 'cries'? They may not utter a word at the first chance but you might want to ask her when both of you are cuddled up. I do hope that she's only upset that she wants to play with her seniors and they do not 'accept' her.

Children do go through these phases of 'adjusting and adapting' in an environment other than their home. I'm only able to think that might be the reason for this 'don't touch me'. Do keep us posted.

Latha

Pavarun · Dec 2, 2008

Hi asha,

That must be tough - I don't have any real solutions here - one suggestion is maybe you can try to strike a friendship with one or two of your daughter's classmates' parents outside of school (invite them home for the weekend etc). Maybe your daughter will play with them better in a non-threatening environment and she can use that friendship going forward? Also observe the dynamics in the class - like Krithika mentioned, children quickly form groups and heirarchies. Is there a leader or one or two prominent kids? Invite them home so that they can form a friendship with your daughter and influence the rest of the group... Another thing you can do is ask her name by name about each classmate one by one (Like "Do you like playing with Priya? Is Priya your friend?") Maybe that may reveal something. My boy has 2-3 favorite friends and he talks about them all the time.

I don't have any experience with this, so these are just my thoughts.

asha_karthik · Dec 2, 2008

thanks to krithika, andal, latha and pavarun for taking your time out to reply to my concern..

i am not really happy with the school. they did not say this as a problem, but i hv been noticing certain other things about my LO which i keep informing them.. like when she enters school she keeps her bag in the rack and keeps standing near the rack.. no one attends to her or pushes her to some activity till the prayer starts. i hv a few other concerns with the school. If there is no improvement, i am going to look for other schools. i ll hope that brings a change in her.

today i tried speaking to her.. she isn't yet very expressive to say what she 'feels'. but i did ask her whether her classmates pushed her or pulled her hand or touched her. she kept staring at me as if to say "finally you got it". i hv put her to sleep after lot of pep talks. let me see what it does to her. she doesn't even seem to remember her classmate's names. whereas outside of school, she can remember all our neighbours' names and her cousins etc. maybe she isn't yet paying attention in the school.

anyway thanks for all your inputs. i will sure follow all of them (like inviting her school friends home, talking to her more etc).