Crying always :-(

teju · Nov 4, 2008

hi
My daughter is a cry baby.. She behaviour is such that, she cries for anything and everything. If she needs something, she cries, if she is tired, she cries, if she is hungry, she cries... Its really frustrating, I keep losing my patience.
Sometimes it goes from bad to worse, even to go to the loo, she cries.
And many times, she jsut looks at my face at cries :-(

Its not a regular behaviour. She does play a lot, very active, smiles and laughs when amused. But at times, she goes on a crying spree. Those times she doesnt listen to me. I feel like running away from her :-(
She is 3 yrs old.
Can anyone please suggest some ways to improvise things?

tikka · Nov 4, 2008

Teju, do these happen at a certain times of the day? Like perhaps in the evenings. Or on days she is very tired and has not napped well in the afternoonl. What are her sleep patterns like.
For toddlers who have not yet developed the language skills to say what is bothering them, crying is the only way of communicating to the parents. I am told my BIL used to fuss even after he started talking, every evening at 6 pm till my in law found it was because he was hungry and advanced dinner time.
Has there been a change recently in her schedule/your schedules. Any change in places, people you lived with. Is she missing some activity in her life. Investigate what could be disturbing her this much.
MY LO's fussy periods really suck my energy out and I do find myself testy. I get DH/In Laws/Parents to manage K for a while and take a break for myself. In the meanwhile, hugs. This too shall pass.

Riyasmommy · Nov 4, 2008

There are days when Riya is fussier than usual and I find that those days are mostly the ones when I am busy and not paying much attention to her. Like Krithika says, look for a pattern, and yes, if the kid gets too tired that can trigger unnecessary crying too since they don't understand why they feel the way they do and what to do about it.

She's definitely trying to communicate something, the key is to find out what's frustrating her. Good luck!

Raj

Traveller · Nov 5, 2008

Teju,

I have a 3.5 yr old who shouts, throws things (though the frequency is decreasing) to communicate his thoughts. May be you could start telling your girl that you cannot understand her when she cries. Get down on your knees (so that you're not this imposing adult trying to talk to her), hug her and reassure her that if she talks you can help her out. It takes some time for them to understand this process but with my boy it is definitely helping. As for crying when hungry and tired it's quite normal for their age, i think.

Latha

teju · Nov 5, 2008

Hey tikka, Raj and Latha,
Thanks a lot for your advise.
These are my observations:
1. There is no frequency for her cries. It happens anytime. Its like as if she woke up from the wrong side of the bed.
2. There is no change in her food, place, people caring for her, etc.
3. One pattern I have noticed is that if she wakes up crying in the morning, then the whole day is ruined, she ends up crying the whole day. I cant figure why she wakes up crying somedays. Because her sleep pattern never changes. She sleeps at the same time and wakes up at the same time everyday. So her crying is not an indication of lack of sleep. she also takes her afternoon nap regularly everyday.
4. The crying does not happen at certain times, its certain days. If she is crying one day since morning, then the whole day she keeps crying. If she is not crying since morning, then she never cries.
5. Her language skill is well developed. She communicates/talks easily.
6. Another wierd things is that, the day she is super-fussy, she fusses only around me, she shows the extreme behaviour with me only. She will look at me and keep crying, will want me to lift her and carry her through out the day. With her grandparents or with my husband she is totally alright. So those days, if I leave her and go somewhere, she is totally alright with others. Similarly when she gets sick, she keeps looking at me and crying, she behaves normally with all others...

Hope you all can help me more with this info.

Thanks

Traveller · Nov 5, 2008

just a thought... do you think something she watches in the tv before going to bed that bothers her?

Latha

Riyasmommy · Nov 5, 2008

teju said: ↑

3. One pattern I have noticed is that if she wakes up crying in the morning, then the whole day is ruined, she ends up crying the whole day. I cant figure why she wakes up crying somedays. Because her sleep pattern never changes. She sleeps at the same time and wakes up at the same time everyday. So her crying is not an indication of lack of sleep. she also takes her afternoon nap regularly everyday.
4. The crying does not happen at certain times, its certain days. If she is crying one day since morning, then the whole day she keeps crying. If she is not crying since morning, then she never cries.
5
Click to expand...

Sounds like she maybe having nightmares, and that triggers the crying and fussiness during the day. I recently read something about babies and nightmares and how to calm them. Let me see if I can find that article again.

Raj

Riyasmommy · Nov 6, 2008

Here's where I read about nightmares. This could be it or this may not be the problem, but give it a read and see for yourself.

Raj

tikka · Nov 6, 2008

teju said: ↑

6. Another wierd things is that, the day she is super-fussy, she fusses only around me, she shows the extreme behaviour with me only. She will look at me and keep crying, will want me to lift her and carry her through out the day. With her grandparents or with my husband she is totally alright. So those days, if I leave her and go somewhere, she is totally alright with others. Similarly when she gets sick, she keeps looking at me and crying, she behaves normally with all others...

Hope you all can help me more with this info.

Thanks
Click to expand...

I totally know the look you are talking about. I have a feeling it could be linked to the fact you are the one trying to bring order into her life and put her on a schedule. Not that it is a bad thing; I am wondering if your DH or the grandparents are on the same page as you.
In my case, I do tend to ensure that there is consistency in K's life and try to get him to sleep by 8 pm, wake up by 8 am, wake up from his nap before 3 pm, etc. I know when K is on a steady schedule he is a happy kid. But I do get carried away once in a while and end up pushing K to do things against his will/desire. K will have a meltdown, give me this accusatory glances "so you wont do what I want you to do?" and go stand in a corner and cry.
I realised I was not meeting all of K's needs. Eased off a little on his sleep, gave him an extra 10 mins to run around, put on HIS favorite music and then get him to sleep. (Just saying this as an illustration, not saying this is what is happening at your home.)
As her language skills are quite developed, can you try and talk to her to find out why is she so unhappy when she is fussing, validate her feeling of unhappiness over whatever is bothering her. If you are not already doing it, give her limited choice in picking what she would want to do that day - say wear a red dress, pick her meal, etc.
As to why she wakes up crying, I would look into Raj's suggestion.
When K was around 11 months old, he was the fussiest kid on the block, I absolutely needed to take some time away from him. But I also found that more I left him with DH, the more often he would nurse in the night/his way of reconnecting with me.