Agressive Kid - Pulling Hair and Scratching face

Hi

I have a 2 year old daughter who is very agressive when playing with other kids of her age. Whenever her things get picked by some other kids or sometimes evenwwhile she is not provoked , she pulls the hair or scratches the face which sometimes hurts the eyes of other kids. And her hold is so strong that it gets very difficult to take her hand out. Her speech is normal where she can talk 2 word phrases , learns things quickly ( she knows to count 1-10 , started identifying colours, almost potty trained where she tells me when she wants to pee and poo though there are accidents sometimes etc) but this behaviour is just driving me nuts

I am a working mom and my parents take care of her in during my working hours. My hubby is now in London for the past 3 months and she is very close to her dad. Sometimes I think that she is missing her dad too much and getting more aggressive. With adults, she is the most charming girl ever but with kids I cannot beleive how her behaviour can change. We will be joining my hubby in London in another month.

Most of the parents who live in the same apartment as mine get terrified at the site of her and immediately protect their kids and don't allow to play with her. From their point of view, they want to protect their kids but this is getting ver y frustrating for me and I am starting to think that she is ending up with no friends around. I have really started to avoid taking her to parks or play with other kids. If at all she had to spend time with her cousins , I just keep a watch 100% of the time sitting with her and divert her if at all she raises her hands to hurt kids.

Please let me know IL of any suggestions where I can improve her behavior.

thanks
Meena

Hello Meena,
I am sure you are very worried and rightfully so. Here are my thoughts.
Your daugther sounds very intelligent, given all the things she does at 2; having said that... question is ... her behavior is different with adults vs kids... can you identify her intentions? I mean does she mean to hurt.. try with a doll etc.. how does she handle it? some kids express love in ways which could be hurtful. So when she does that the best thing to do is ask her why she did that in a calm and cool manner... scolding them or punishing them could be negative reinforcement/ negative attention if she really is asking for attention. I know other parents will want you to reprimand her..but remember only you are her mother and your first responsibility is to secure her. So take her out of the situation preferably lovingly and just tell her not to do that. May take more than once if this behavior has repeated many times in the past.
As far as worrying about behavioral disorders: Two is too early an age for diagnosing any such thing and any signs of such are treated with parenting skill modifications as mentioned above.
I think you have a lovely child..she's just sounds confused.. steer her in the right way by example.. and she will follow.

Originally Posted by meenamanohar

Hi

I have a 2 year old daughter who is very agressive when playing with other kids of her age. Whenever her things get picked by some other kids or sometimes evenwwhile she is not provoked , she pulls the hair or scratches the face which sometimes hurts the eyes of other kids. And her hold is so strong that it gets very difficult to take her hand out. Her speech is normal where she can talk 2 word phrases , learns things quickly ( she knows to count 1-10 , started identifying colours, almost potty trained where she tells me when she wants to pee and poo though there are accidents sometimes etc) but this behaviour is just driving me nuts

I am a working mom and my parents take care of her in during my working hours. My hubby is now in London for the past 3 months and she is very close to her dad. Sometimes I think that she is missing her dad too much and getting more aggressive. With adults, she is the most charming girl ever but with kids I cannot beleive how her behaviour can change. We will be joining my hubby in London in another month.

Most of the parents who live in the same apartment as mine get terrified at the site of her and immediately protect their kids and don't allow to play with her. From their point of view, they want to protect their kids but this is getting ver y frustrating for me and I am starting to think that she is ending up with no friends around. I have really started to avoid taking her to parks or play with other kids. If at all she had to spend time with her cousins , I just keep a watch 100% of the time sitting with her and divert her if at all she raises her hands to hurt kids.

Please let me know IL of any suggestions where I can improve her behavior.

thanks
Meena

HI Meena

Dont worry... its quiet common with kid ... ur guess is correct missing the dad... when i had been to india for 2 months vacation i faced the same issue... so no worries...

wht i did was just b4 she goes to sleep keep talking to her make tell her stories like she will meet her daddy soon and tell her stories abt being good with frnds... i did like that to my daughter it really helped me... but pls dont hit or scold them its of no use... it creates oppsite reaction only...

hope this works for ur daughter also...

hey dont' worry. my kid was the same at 2, he's just 3 now but what a difference!!.. he's just a normal kid now. Some kids are jealous, i rememeber when my bro had his second child, the first kid was always scratching the new born baby. it's just that suddenly there is new child and people are attending to the new one as well, and the first child cna't stand it. they feel that the full attention and care that was given to them are being now shared between kids and they don't like it. it's just normal, my brother's kid is now as normal as any other kid and she's 11 now and she loves her siblings more than anyone!! so don't worry, a 2 year old kid is still toooo small, give her the care and attention she needs. And, at the end of evverything, you as the mother knows best about her. was she the same even when her dad is around??? if not, then may be, yes, she's missing him. else, just give her her time and space, i'm sure she will come out of it.

cheers..

Stories are similar. My son 2 1/2 yrs. Too aggressive towards other kids. (Hair Pulling) (Hyper Active)

Today I got a complain from his playschool teacher, that his behaviour is terrible, unpleasant. His teacher was holding a small bunch of spring hairs, which my son pulled from a girl.

I was totally upset with the remarks from his teacher, Nowadays children around him get scared and starts to scream even if he simply stands aside.

I don't know how to rectify him. He never gets tired, fully loaded with energy for the whole day. Never sits in a place even for a minute.

People very easily say "Not to beat the child", But this is not posssible always. Many times I am out of control.

Please Help Me.

My son 2 1/2 yrs. Too aggressive towards other kids (Hyper Active) (Hair Pulling) (Hitting)

Today I got a complain from his playschool teacher, that his behaviour is terrible, unpleasant. His teacher was holding a small bunch of spring hairs, which my son pulled from a girl.

I was totally upset with the remarks from his teacher, Nowadays children around him get scared and starts to scream even if he simply stands aside.

I don't know how to rectify him. He never gets tired, fully loaded with energy for the whole day. Never sits in a place even for a minute.

People very easily say "Not to beat the child", But this is not posssible always. Many times I am out of control.

Please Help Me.

Hi Orange,

First...pal, dont panic or get upset. You relax and silently analyse your child when he gets upset and throws a tantrum.

See that you dont give him soda, sugar and other fast food kind of stuff that usually makes the child hyperactive. Your paed should tell you what is not good for the child. I am sure some stuff now a days is just not good for babies. Instead give lot of fruits if he likes sweet. I do that to my daughter.

Talk to the child before he goes to bed about what he did the whole day and tell him that amma was not happy with what he did today and that you were really happy and proud that he did something nice. I will mean a lot to the child to make his mom happy.

Try to speak softly but sternly with your child when he does something wrong.

Ask him to use words when he is upset with his friends or yourself also.

You have to be a role model to the child, check how you express yourself when he is out of control or when you are upset.

I am sure he will grow up to be a good child...dont worry.

Cheers
Poornima.

Originally Posted by Orange

My son 2 1/2 yrs. Too aggressive towards other kids (Hyper Active) (Hair Pulling) (Hitting)


Please Help Me.

Hi orange
This behaviour is not unusual among lil kids..Just keep u'r cool and be a role model to u'r kid..Dont allow him to watch cartoons which r very violent..Talk to him when he goes to bed that its not ok to hit his friends because it will hurt them..U have to repeatedly tell him each and every day..Im sure this phase will pass soon..

My small suggestion Do consult a Pediatric doctor. Just a suggestion to help:)

Dear friends

Thanks so much for all your suggestions, I hope he may change himself slowly, only thing is others (teachers) should tolerate him till that. Eventhough he dislike to sit in one place, he is able to tell all rymes, songs & prayers.

Poorni, that's a great idea, I'll talk to him before bed, which I have'nt tried before.

Ramya, Yes, everyday I repeat the words "Not to hurt anyone", but don't know how far it works.

Anandchitra, regarding Dr., 'hyper activity' with normal milestones are considered to be OK according to their views. But u see, mothers like me get tired soon, handling hyperactive kid.

I would like to know the difference between a real ATTENTION DEFICIT HYPER ACTIVE DISORDER kids (ADHD) (hope i'm right with abbrevations) and normal hyper active (too smart) kids.