Need some parenting advice

I am a mother of 2.5yrs old girl and as a mother if I was in your place I would have slowly stopped this relationship. Just because his mother is good I cannot tolerate my child being bullied by some one.
I don't know if I am right or wrong, but yes I am possessive like many mothers about my child and I don't see anything wrong in that.
Coming to the hard facts of life, which children will have to face in future , I believe that will get developed over the years and when required. If you see many of us may not be very smart during our childhood days and mostly shy. But the hard facts of life did make us strong today. Similarly children will learn and grow by themselves no doubt.
But since I am not comfortable, I may not prefer to send my child.

 

OP,
I know people say learning to stand up to bullies makes one strong. But you are not able to do it and you are an adult! Stand up to your husband, people, convention thinking.

You want that woman as a friend so you are ignoring her son's behavior. Your child will be affected down the line.

What you should do is tell the other boy gently but firmly that he should 'play nice'. He may ignore you, cry, complain. Take your child away from there, distract her & play with her in another area of the park. If your friend gets upset because you corrected her child, be cheerfully firm and say lightly, "kids will be kids". You will find out her personality from her reaction.

Before teaching your daughter that as a child she has to stand up to people, show her that that you have her back.
Always be there for your kid. Teach her in age-appropriate language that it's not good to bully or BE bullied.

You will be teaching her not only that you are always there for her but that she should also stand up for someone else.

I did this for my kids. When they were in the wrong they were reprimanded and they apologized. But when it was a bully: older kid, teacher, relative...well, I weighed in until they could speak up for themselves, and for others. My elder one will just go into battle for the underdog.

You might make mistakes sometimes...I did. My kids occasionally took me for a ride. That's OK. They learnt the consequences of manipulation & I learned to understand them better.

It's not easy.

Read about it. Learn about it. There are books about it for kids. It's a valuable life-lesson you both will learn. She's your kid. Do right by her.

 

What does the mum do when her son is bullying yours? If she is neither explaining to him nor apologising to you, I wouldn't give much time to the friendship - with kids in tow. I wouldn't blame the child; the adults with the children should step up and ensure that things run smoothly at that age, IMO.

If an older child were being mean to my child when she was a toddler, I usually would speak up. I would say my piece to the child with a couple of darlings and sweethearts thrown in to soften the blow. - "Sweetheart! Please be nice. She is just a baby and she likes you. She is looking to play with you. Would you be able to be nice to her, darling? Now, let me show you how to be gentle. There. Well done! You are setting her a great example, sweetie." Or some such making elaborate eye contact and a smile plastered to my face.

If the child be being rough and adamant without slowing down to ensure mine isn't hurt/ upset, I would directly say, "Please can you not do that, darling? It is upsetting her. Is there anything you would be happy to share?" If not, I usually have a couple of toys in my nappy bag so that mine isn't bored; I'd pull it out at that point. If my child repeatedly tries to get something from the other - as kids are wont to do, I would just say, "Now now. He isn't in a mood to share just yet. Perhaps he will, in a bit. Let's give him some space." and distract my child repeatedly.

In your place, I wouldn't take it lying down if the other parent doesn't step up. Now that my child is a preschooler, I still watch out like a hawk to ensure that she is nice to the little ones or remove her from the spot instantly...

 

I would step in and explain to the other child that he is doing wrong. Ask him to let your child go to the slide, discuss about the importance to share toys etc. I would not let it impact my friendship to the mother. Either she is not so well skilled to guide her child or the child is more stubborn/have more temperament. Small "fights" children can manage themselves (and it is good for them to practice) but especially with smaller children the adults need to step in and guide the children.

 

@cutemonster thanks for the tag..will reply soon..need to type..i know you will understand buddy..

 

Cutemonster- I agree with Guesshoo. You will need to be tactful here. I feel that you connect with this woman quite well and can be friends with her and it will nice for you to have some friends around because you just moved to new neighborhood.
So, this boy is ~4 years old and I assume the only child. Your son is 2.5 yrs, quite younger than the neighbor's kid. The older boy might not see him as a playmate, however, that doesn't give him freedom to be mean. Next time you go to their place, take few of your son's favorite toys with you. If the boy says, No, you can't play with my toys, look straight at him, smile and say something like- sweetie, you seem upset, of course you don't want him to take this toy (the one he is playing with), would you mind if he plays with some other toy? And also tell your son- sweetheart, bhaiya will let you play with his toys later, why don't you share your toys with him now. If the older boy shares- praise him lavishly.
For the playground incidence, I'm sorry OP, if I were in that situation, I'd take my child to some other playground equipment and play with him. As much as we want to make our kids happy, we can't force someone to play with them. Let him play on slides, swings and help him find his own activities. Try to introduce him to kids of his age. If the older kid hits your child in anyway- step up and say a stern NO. You can tell his mom nicely- I think ......is not in a good mood today. I hope you will talk to him about this incidence.
I'd say give them (both mom and son) little more time. May be a few more visits but if the behavior doesn't change-you might just want to meet with the mom for coffee or something.

Your husband is right about learning to stand up for self but I'd say your munchkin is to little for that. If he were 4 or older, I'd have said the same.
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