Need inputs for discipling my 4 year old

@JGVR,

You have found out the reason yourself. She needs more attention from mommy. That is her way of protesting how she feels at present. Probably, your attention to the little baby is causing it. I suggest the following:

1) Whenever she is not listening to you, you need to sit down to look right into her eyes, hold her hands and then talk to her. You can easily get her attention by doing it. I have done that successfully for many years to make my son listen to me.

2) It is not enough if you reward your daughter for good behavior and it is also necessary to give her small punishments for bad behavior. It should be something like taking away her toys, time outs, cancellation of her play date, etc. depending on the gravity of her behavior.

3) Immediately after her bad behavior at friend's place resulting in your carrying her home, please continue communicating clearly to her that this behavior has repercussions and she won't be able to get her toys or make the next play date. Follow it up with refusing to take her for a play date and by not giving her favorite toy.

4) Try and distribute your attention to your older child as much as physically possible while at home. Reward her with more time to spend with mommy whenever she is in the best of her behavior. Let her associate your not spending extra time with her as a punishment so that her behavior will keep on improving to get your time.

5) Read books for her in the night that would teach her the benefit of best behavior. You can read moral stories for her that would make her think a little bit about the need for improving her behavior. Don't assume she is a child and she can't apply her mind to associate her own behavior with stories. You will be surprised how much they know as she makes change to her behavior.

Please don't blame yourself for her behavior as you have nothing to do with it. Try talking to her most of the time by sitting down to keep 180 degrees eye contact and hold her hands while talking. This method communicates to your daughter that she has to pay attention. This is going to make dramatic changes to her listening skills.

Viswa

 

Yes, birth of a sibling is supposed to be quite unsettling for the child - in my 4 year olds nursery, they give those with new siblings a bit of extra TLC!

Viswa sir has given excellent tips. I would suggest that you watch super nanny videos. They help me ground myself and be fair to my child.

the best tool to show consequence of behaviour is a timeout (beautifully xplained by supernanny). It needs to be carried out swiftly and consistently.

Screaming and and threatening has extreme adverse effects as I have personally experienced... I have to be the change I want to see in my daughter... I would confidently say that would work for you too.

Make de it a habit out of engaging with your daughter before you ask her to do something - "wow! You've made a lovely picture. Did you choose the colours yourself?" And talk to her for half a minute before you switch tracks.

Set expectations before you go out. That we are going to xyz's house. We will be there for 2 hours. Then we will leave. Give her a 10 min warning, 5 min warning, 2 min warning and then leave. Any tantrums, kindly say, " I Understand you really want to stay. It must be frustrating. However, it is time we left" don't give her any more attention.

Hitting other children, I would grab my DD's hand to prevent more hitting, say we don't do that and swiftly move her to a timeout zone. The timeout technique is super nanny's - it could take a couple of days for her to respect and follow it; but if you are consistent, it certainly will work.

another trick is getting a bag of marbles or toy cars and handing one out for good behaviour, confiscating one for bad. It works a charm with mine. Take care! Your sweetheart will soon be back on track.

 

Is someone suggesting that your child is autistic?

There is nothing related to speaking and autism. Your side comment seems misplaced.

Don't worry, your child might just be fine. Reward her good behaviour and give less focus when she does bad things. She will know that she won't get attention through bad behaviour.

Don't feel embarrassed if she is stubborn after a play date about going home. Apologize to your friend and tell that she loves visiting them. Later, when both you and your child are in a better frame of mind, talk about it.

Create more and more fun things, so, she will not feel too pressurised to leave one fun activity, as another one might be around the corner.

 

Certainly all the mommys time which was for her now she has to share with her sibling...so must be little upset wth the change...
Give her sometime to grasp the change in her life...
Kids throws the tantrum when things dont go as par their wish....she wanted to play more so she throws a tantrum...nothing to worry about.. just dont givin the tantrum....be firm....u did gud even if shw is crying but u brought her back....for sometime dobt try to soothe her.. let her cry...after 3-4 mins talk to her and soothe her...wth my dd it works...if i try to calm her then she starts crying more but if i ignore her then after some mins she comes to me herself....
tantrums are the outlets for kids to show their anged n frustation so dont get embarrassed by those ....just handle tact fully....
when she hits other child stop her firmly and tell her if she will hit others nobody will come to play wth her...