how to handle a cranky and reserve kid

Rachna · Nov 14, 2014

Hi ladies, my daughter is 2 years old. I am a housewife and stay 24 hr with her. We live in a nuclear family, me, my husband and 2 yr old daughter. I have not enrolled her to any pre-school yet(planning to start at 2.5yr). My problem is that

1)she is extremely cranky to handle..She gets irritated soon, gets angry at small things. If we try to distract her and take something from his hand , which he is not supposed to keep..then thats it..seeing this behavior I am so vexed..I have seen kids who are just opposite of her.

2)She is introvert and reserve when she is outside. we live in a society where there are so many kids. I take her to playground everyday but she wants to take swing separately and doesn't talk or mix with any other kid of her age.But, she is very active and talkative at home and tells/understands almost everything. I am not able to convince her to play with other kids anyhow

Plzzzz help me. Has anyone faced this situation?

CrayoNess · Nov 14, 2014

Two of my children (have four) were reserved and shy. I learned that for them it is very exhausting to be with other people/children. I tried to plan our days that there was enough of "lonely time" and only short timespans with a lot of people. When I looked for daycare options did go for small settings where the group was very small. They were daily exposed to other children but only for shorter times. Kids under 4 are not usually playing together, they play side-by-side or alone anyway.

Regarding the crankiness is to first do hungry/thirsty/tired-check. Some kids need to eat quite often or may need more napping/sleep time. It is important to not leave the child alone when having tantrums. Not to give too many options to select from. Having stable routines help. When they are 2-3 year old they have this phase showing their own will. It is a very healthy phase but drives the parents nuts.

Rachna · Nov 17, 2014

thanks crayoness, even if my kid has tummy full and hav taken enough sleep, she is cranky for small things. she always wants those things in her hands which is not supposed to be with her and thus crankiness starts

Rakhii · Nov 18, 2014

Rachna, what exactly do you mean when you say "things she isnt supposed to have?" The reason i ask is, if there is something which she must NOT have (like a knife), it should not be accessible for her. Match sticks are another example. Looks like she is testing your limits.

You already identified the trigger (things which she isnt supposed to have). Can you give us some examples?

saps105 · Nov 18, 2014

Hi Rachna,

My dd was also reserved when she ws around 2. Preferred to play alone. Now she is 4 ..after starting school she plays with other kids. Some kids aged 2-4 yrs show temper tantrums, become difficult to handle. You have to be very patient..difficult i know but do try not to get angry.This stage will pass. Dont worry.

pantu · Nov 18, 2014

Yes, you should not give anything if she is not supposed to have. If you accept
her demand then she will demand more. Divert her attention to other things. Keep
things out of her reach.

preetiparikh · Nov 19, 2014

I donno if this helps, but she should be exposed to listening rhymes/watching action songs/animated videos/mom reads picture books that have instructions about child safety along with other.

shaiesta26 · Nov 19, 2014

Hi I am working as a counsellorworking in Dubai, I know this generation kids are more hyperactive,cranky,patientless, but we need to divert their energy in educational resources,keep apart them from electronic gadgets,video games. The new research is showing why the kids r canky, coz we keep them busy in e-gadgets and unknowingly all e-games r in their mind, u must have seen their mood swinging,this all due to e-gadgets,if they lost the game on e-gadgets,you will find their cranky ness is more.It is a vast topic, and can't explain in short paragraph,only all mothers need to send their children for physical exercise, and keep away them from e-gadget,then u will find the difference.

Rachna · Nov 20, 2014

thanks a lot rakhi, saps, pantu, preeti, shaiesta for valuable suggestions.

rakhi, my dd wants to have my mobile in her hand and she wants to operate it herself. if i lock it then she will throw it away. she is too young for electronic appliances like camera, i phone, handycam etc. Due to this, i have minimised the use of these things in front of her, but sometimes i cant help. Another example, If i do her malish, she wants to oil herself and creates a mess by rubbing so much oil on her body and creates lot of mess with it...so many examples like pen,some sweet medicines like homeopathy as per dose (she wants more). If i cook, she wants to cook too and wants to have all dabbas/masalas in her hand.

showing rhymes etc is yet not good option for me, bcoz she never wants to switch off tv after that (anyway i have fixed schedule for this and show some cartoons for a fixed and limited time)

Rakhii · Nov 21, 2014

Rachna, she is 2 years old and she is doing what typically every 2 year old does. However, i see no reason why she should not have fun. Trust me, when you let her have the forbidden apple (you know what I mean i hope), they will lose the charm for it. Or maybe they will even show some excellence in it. Basically she wants to be a big girl. Let her be.

As for the electronic items, I let me child watch TV and have the tablet for a specific amount of time for "play". If you are totally against the idea of giving your phone to her, then consitantly say no and she will eventually understand her tantrums will get her no where.

For oil massage: take her to the bath tub and give her a small bottle of oil or a small bowl filled with oil. Let there be mess! No big deal. let her play with the oil. Its actually good because she wants to be independent. You can show her how to apply oil. If she wants to spill, no worries. she is in the bath tub.

Of course we dont give more medication and thats a no.

Let her sit with you while you cook. I let my DD sit on the kitchen counter and we often have the best evenings communicating that way. She learnt so many things while sitting on the counter. Luckily mine didnt ask to hold the dabba's in her hand but I give her a spoon ful of salt which she is allowed to put in the dal/curry. She is allowed to stir the soup pot...all with very close supervision.

Choose your battles. Let her win some (like oil/ help with cooking etc). You win some like a big NO for extra sweet medication etc. This mantra has helped me immensely. Make it clear to her that mommy will let things happen as long as they are reasonable. She will slowly trust you that you would give it to her if its a safe thing and will not say NO if its safe.