Help DH spoiling DD badly...

Hi Joyoflife,



Like it or not, but, by nature Fathers have a soft corner, a less strict behavior towards their daughters. It comes naturally from within and he can't help it.

But yes, that doesn't mean you spoil your child's upbringing. A little strictness towards your kids is acceptable and in fact, needed.

Talk to your husband on this and explain to him, that, if he continues to have this soft behavior towards his daughter, he himself is giving her an opportunity to depend on him too much.
Moreover, this is creating a gap between you and her. If things continue, you would emerge out as a very strict mother, disliked and disgraced by her, which I am sure your husband wouldn't like.

Also, by accepting and fulfilling all her desires on a mere cry, he is turning her into a more demanding and stubborn kid.

Right parenting from the first day is very important. Good parenting molds your child for future.

 

its wrong....

fathers dont spoil daughters only....

fathers spoil even sons also.... my DH has spoils our son.... when i am alone with our son... he listens and does everything i tell him... but when DH around if my son cries and says i dont want to do something he should do... my words have no value and he listens to what his dad says... if DH scolds also he goes to him only... and if i mock scold him... i become the vamp at home.... i am saddened by this most times... and feel hell as... whole day i manage him alone (all those tantrums, anger, masti etc)... DH comes says ok and spoils all the work i done to discipline him!!

 

ohooo we are vice versa.... but my little one is a boy....

 

Same thing at my house too... my hubby says when I get home little one tries to act then... if iam not there he is good boy..

till now we don't have no big arguments.. from the time my son born we have two different opinions and starts arguing..i am too much sensitive towards kid and too much caring... where as dad is other way...

 

Hello dear,

I have been pondering over your question ever since you first asked it in another thread here. We all must pamper our kids but there is a huge difference between pampering and spoiling. Unfortunately I find a LOT of well-meaning people spoil their children / grandchildren on the pretext of showing them love. It really frustrates me.

And Yes. All parents and grand parents have a soft corner when it comes to their charges. We are biologically wired to have that feeling. Otherwise how would we have survived as a species which comes into this world as needy, demanding, helpless, self-centred creatures!! However, that doesn't justify spoiling.

What at you say here clearly is spoiling. And your clever little one is taking advantage of the situation! Anytime there is an inconsistency between my husband and me, my little one makes the most of it too.

My suggestion is this. Tell your husband - when your dd is not around - that by spoiling her he is crippling her from achieving her full potential. Tell him like him you want the best for your child but you are also looking at long term beyond the here and now. The child does not learn discipline, social skills and manners; as a result her confidence in public will go down blah blah. She won't be able to manage in the nursery. That your rather discipline her with love and firmness than have a stranger do that to your child. Scare him. Not in an accusatory tone but more like a documentary. Have articles from the net ready to show him. Show him examples of good parenting in your circle and the positive effect it has on the kids.

Pick out short parenting articles for him to read on the net. Everyday. Make him read it in front of you. Discuss the happenings of the day and ask what you both did well and how you think a particular situation could have been handled better.

Check out the supernanny website. If you can find her shows somewhere watch them together. I don't think they are staged. There is usually lots of parenting conflicts between couples - instead of supporting each other to bring their kids up well, they attack each other just to prove they are right and the spouse is wrong - as a result it is the kids who suffer due to lack of consistency. She gives them action points to follow. The points themselves work quite well. All it needs is consistency.

You need to slowly but steadily keep putting ideas in his head about how to deal with a child with lots of love, but without spoiling her. My husband mostly understands and parents with consistency; I learn somethings from him but when he is stubborn on some points incorrectly, I refuse to back off until he is being consistent. If it means taking my dd away to another room from him, I will.

I'm sure you will get through to him one way or another. Good luck.

 

thats a very good suggestions.. long time back i use to watch super nanny maybe i guess its time again for me to start watching as i feel like i am spoiling my son. my hubby is too rought and tought with little guy.. both need to learn something so need to have a talk with him... thanks guesshoooo as always for suggestions...

 

how about giving your DH that particular task if all else fails(reasoning with him etc.)...like if your DD refuses to sleep and goes to your DH crying, tell him that she has to nap now and if she does not then your DH will have to entertain her for that much time while you do your work and also make her sleep that night as DD will get cranky later on because of lack of sleep..

if she cries to eat, do not fight with DH but give the bowl to him and tell him to feed her the entire thing and calmly walk out...if your DH says why do you force her to eat, tell him that he eats his food on time daily so why feed his precious princess once in a while? isn't her health important to him?

 

Thats an excellent suggestion. My D is 6. Same scenario... Sometimes am so frustrated, our fights are because of her.. But one thing I noticed, I left her with her dad for five days and went on an emergency, she was visibly happier and had put on weight as well. And, she sneaks off from her naps when she hears her dad come in. Since I get up very early, I need my nap, so few times I slept off leaving her with him. Now, he makes sure she sleeps.. I think, since we are tougher, they are softer. In a way its good, the other way will be really tough on our princesses. Anyways kids are kids only once. You can always catch up on the discipline bit later!!