My toddler refuses to wear diapers

Hi,

My son is 1 1/2years old. He refuses to put on his diapers. I have tried to distract him with a toy, shout at him, ignore him for sometime but nothing works. It takes me 1/2 hour to change his diaper. He is not yet potty trained. He also gives me a very hard time when I try to change his dress. Any suggestions?

Thanks,
Kavya

oh dear Kavya.. i'm so glad that I'm not the only mother tortured like this (what a pleasure... wicked me!). My son is 3 yrs old and same story for everything. Because I also take him to a nursery in the afternoons (and also a highly irritant 3rd trimester pregnant me) mornings are nothing short of a world war at home. I've tried scolding, distracting, crying, time out... but this little one is sooooo stubborn. Atleast my boy is old enought to understand what we tell him so we try and talk to him adult way ('okay looks like you want to do it yourself... i'll leave you' sort of dialogues) and even that technique doesn't work everyday. I'm eagerly awaiting other responses to your thread! Latha

Just a thought...would training pants help...the kids could put it on themselves (atleast Latha's son could)...might let tham feel that they are independant?

Vanathi.

Hi there,

Refusing diapers is one way of indicating that the kid is ready for potty training. My daughter started refusing diapers in the night when she was 23 months old...and I stopped it for 2-3 nights...I see that she doesn't even wet her bed. But the moment she wakes up in the morning, I have to rush her to the toilet. But I am happy that she has got rid of diapers in the night.
But for some outings, I do tell her sweetly that she has to wear it in case there's no toilet or its difficult to stop when she feels the urge, she kind of understands. So now the practice is...no diapers at home....and no diapers for 1-11/2 hours outing. This is 'Just my experience'. Hope it helps.

Best regards,
Hema

Hi Vanathi,

I use training pants for my son. The issue with him is when we have to get ready to go out he creates a big hungama to shower, change etc., Even at home we're insistent that he has to shower everyday in the morning which he has started to resist. Resist in the sense he'll really test our patience by shouting, screaming and then after 1 hr of fight and struggle will get into the bath tub (and getting him to finish the shower is another battle!). The care-taker in his nursery says this is just a phase where they want to assert their independency and let their parents know that they want to take decisions. But the problem is they don't know there are some things in which no leniency can be expected (like not washing your hands before and after food etc.,). In such instances I'm told the parents have to simply put their foot down and say no.

I agree with Hema that refusing to wear diapers is also an indication that the kid is ready to say bye to it. But if I understand correctly kids like Kavya's and my own are not in that category (atleast as yet!). Why I say this is they refuse to change when they have done the job and run around! and also my boy, for example, is already 3 and uses the toilet in his nursery. But at home I'm training him without diaper and he doesn't like that at all. Y'day I had to hide all the diapers and tell him we've run out of stock to make him accept. Oh dear... parenting these days is such a challenge Latha

Latha...I really feel for you. Knowing all the theory behind the behaviour doesnt always help when you have to deal with a screaming/obstinate kid does it? Makes me so scared of what Aadhu is going to be like next year!

Vanathi,
PS - What is your little boy's name? Been meaning to ask for quite a while now.

Hi Vanathi! He's Aniish. He's really a sweetie but only when he throws such tantrums I get very very angry and upset. My mom says because he sees only me most part of the day he's also bored. Many times I think of sending you a PM (for expert advice) to ask if this is normal behaviour for kids his age. Some times I'm afraid he'll grow up to very stubborn and hate me for being strict:( Even this morning I spent so much energy getting him to eat, get ready etc., by the time it was noon my BP went low and i just wanted to lie down. At these instances, self-help and assurances does not help at all Latha

Hi,

One thing I notice with my son is that the more I force him the more assertive he becomes. I need to respect his individuality and allow him to make small choices. I can't treat him like a baby but I need to treat him like a young man !!! I tried to force feed him when he was 11-12 months and he would give me a very hard time during meal times. He would eat well in the daycare but not at home. At the daycare they allow kids to feed by themselves. So the children like the independence and they also learn to use the spoon. I started trying the same technique at home and it worked.

Maybe my son is ready to be potty trained. He needs something new. I was not yet ready to start the potty training I feel so lazy to start the potty training. My house is carpeted and I am afraid of the accidents.

Thanks,
Kavya

Dear Mothers,
Have you tried to change your tactics regarding the diaper war?
I hope you get the diapers with cute animal prints? When my son turned one he used to create a big fuss over wearing diapers. But I used to tell him that today you are going to wear a diaper with puppy or a diaper with kitty etc. and he used to be fascinated with animals on the diaper. "Pampers" has got different animal babies on their diapers. These days he wants to wear diaper with dolphin when he goes to sleep, diaper with puppy or tiger when he goes to nursery etc. It takes a bit of imagination and effort from my side to find the animal prints and all, but saves a lot of shouting and tears for my son and me.
This applies to the dressing also, try to catch his attention with the print on the shirt or something. Like a car or a boy's picutre etc. Say that "Oh... you are going to wear a Shirt with Mickey's picutre on it............" . My son usually falls for this...
Some times make it a point to ask the kid "Do you want Mickey's shirt or Teddy's shirt". OR " do you want dolphin's pampers or lion's pampers" . When they choose between the shirts, they feel that they are part of decision making.......
Kavya, I started potty trainning my son when he was one year old. Initially I thought that it will a big problem, but after 1 month it was easy.. Initially he used to run off from the potty, but I used to show him intersting books so that he will sit still till he finishes his "act". This has turned out to be a good method for me, becaue now he has started liking books also. He doesn't need books to sit on the potty anymore, but he still enjoys seeing the books.
Also every hour or so,take your son to the bathroom and run the tap so that he will pee automatically when he hears the sound of running water. You can use a attachable potty for this. The main advantage of this attachable toilet seat is that kids can't run off till they finish peeing.
Anyway like all kids he acts super decent while he is in the nursery or with others. But with me......I'd rather not comment...
Anju

Hey Latha,
Not to worry. Aniish is absolutely normal. Its called "the terrible twos" for a reason! Now that he's 3 and getting older he will get better and easier to manage. Like Anju and Kavya said this is the age when they are trying to do everything for themselves but cant and so they get frustrated and angry. Unlike grownups they dont know how to deal with anger (ok, many grownups dont know that either!) and it comes out as tantrums. So try to give him choices and let him do things for himself (even if it means more work for you) as much as possible. Does he go to nursery everyday? I know that its very easy to dish out advice and you're probably doing all this anyway.....
At the very least just come and vent here...we'll listen...When is your mom coming there? Hope its soon..you really need a break.

Vanathi.