Is it right to send my teen son to hostel???

My son is going to complete his 12th std. He wants to do engineering. He is so dependent on me, never takes any decision on his own, for each and everything he needs mummy's help.....
To make him independent and a responsible person, I am thinking of sending him to the hostel. Is the decision right or wrong???

Bitika

Dear Bitika
I dont think it is right to encourage teenaged children to be too dependant on mothers. In todays society, they need to think for themselves and not be spoonfed always.
I dont have a son, but I can tell you the experience with my younger brother. He was the quiet type who was also spoilt by my mother . After his 12th., he got admission for Engineering course in two colleges.( This is 11 years ago) My father took the decision to send him to the college in another town , just for him to gain self confidence. At first, for a couple of months brother was miserable, but by the end of the year, he dint want to come home even for long weekends !
Today, well settled in a good job, he says his hostel experience has proved very enriching for him ( His wife must also be relieved he's not a Mummy-boy !)

Good luck Bitika. Do thorough background checking on the hostel you put your child in. It also helps if any of his old friends are joining hostels too.

Manjula

My dear bitika,
I can understand ur mindset now bcz i face the same situation my son has to go to hostel next yr after he finishes his 10th bcz he needs to acheive a goal a target but really painful to send our kids to someplace i sometimes feel how will he sleep alone in an unknown place surprisingly whn my son sleeps in the next room also i make sure my mother in lw is wht him and if she has to travel somewhere either of us share his room now i feel i shd take a painful step of making him more individualistic our love shdnt come in their devolepment and we shd not be a hindrance to them isnt it
cheer up and encourage ur son abt the life hes going to see how to be careful wht money and his own materials there in hostel how he is going to face wht different ppl and situations which make him more independant and focussed tc

Thank you Manjula and Radha....Its so relieving to read ur messages...
Actually, the problem with my son is sometimes he behaves like a very responsible boy.....sometimes he is so rough and tough...and sometimes he behaves like a small kid....so i am just wondering howz is he going to manage in the hostel????

I wish i could get more replies from ladies who have their wards in the hostel or who has undergone the hostel experience.....

I know this is another one difficult phase a mother has to pass through...

Dear Bitika

I can understand your anxiety, but this is the right age for children to learn how to be independent and mature. Their behavior will also change once they start living with their peers.

As long as we protect them under our wings they will not learn any individuality. That to after coming to engineering I do not think there will be any problem for him. So, cheer up and go ahead. Now-a-days people are joining their wards even from LKG stage in the hostels.

Regards
Varudhini

Dear Bitika
I fully understand your anxiety about sending away your child to a new place. I have gone through that. Actually, it was my daughter who had to be put in a hostel in her eighth standard because we were relocating. More than her, I was upset for weeks ! She adjusted beautifully. And after one year, she started complaining that being at home was a bore ! She would just wait to go back !
The experience has helped her. It has contributed a lot to her all round development. Have no fear. Your child will be fine.
All the best
VS

Dear Bitika

My husband was in hostel from around 7 yrs of age till he finished his MBA.My MIL too had a very tough time sending him to hostel at such a young age.But my FIL wanted to give him a good education and since my FIL had a transferable job,they did not want his education to suffer.

My husband tells me that hostel life has taught him a lot-right from being very independent to keeping all his things neat and clean.Has helped me a lot too since I don't have to run behind him picking up his messy clothes and trying to keep his closet clean.Even if my son messes up the room with his toys,my husband patiently sits with him and cleans up the whole room.

Thank you Varudhini, Vidyasarada and sunitha for ur replies..... I look forward for more replies....

Another thing which keep coming in my mind is that my son is so used to all the luxury and comforts until now... so will he be able to cope up with the new situations... in case he get involved in a bad company???

bitika