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Be Prepared For Brickbats As Well!

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by Devika Menon, Jun 30, 2008.

  1. Devika Menon

    Devika Menon Gold IL'ite

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    I was watching the news channel today and I was horrified to see a girl badly affected due to some harsh comments the judges made regarding her performance. It was appalling to watch a life so badly affected by failure, so unfortunate to see the girl in a semi paralysed condition. There were many blaming the judges apparently ,saying the comments by them played with her psyche and confidence.

    There are a few lessons here for all of us.:

    Though we all love our children to excel in everything they do yet we need to prepare them to deal sportingly with failures. Life is full of bouquets and brickbats .Learn to accept brickbats the same way we are receptive to accolades.

    It is a competitive field but all have their limitations. We must understand the limitations of our children. One may not essentially be multifarious The may not be good at everything. Putting pressure to achieve something that is way beyond their capacity should be avoided.

    Some maybe good at one aspect of life another in something else. What is important as a parent is to understand their qualities , capabilities and limitations and set standards Mere comparisons just for the sake of competitons without realizing could be detrimental for their growth further. At such times they tend to develop inferiority complex and are unable to come out of it .

    We must teach them to accept criticism positively. To use it as a means to grow not as a means to curb growth. They will always be those who criticize. Accept it when you realize theres a point ,try to rectify the areas and if you feel there is nothing wrong accept it as a competitors words . But don’t let statements drop your will to do something.

    Survival of the fittest is a proven law. Theres place for you if you have it in you. Remember that one doesn’t just get what one desires but what one deserves. So if you think you deserve something based on your potential then you can achieve it

    Do you duty as a parent but then understand your child is an individual in himself/herself. You cannot plan something for them that they have to live with for the rest of their life , especially if it makes them unhappy. Nowadays many kids are succumbing to pressure at a young age due to the high expectations of the people around them and end up being nervous wrecks!

    If you plan to introduce your child to fields like TV , films , media etc , which make them a public figure, take care to see if they are mentally prepared. .Can the young minds take the fame and popularity in their stride or do they get carried away. We have seen many young lives get ruined because they are unable to accept their fame with profound insight .They tend to go overboard and land up in complete mess . viz a viz a Britney Spears.

    So the bottom line is not just to prepare your child for the bouquets but for the brickbats too!


    LOVE,
    DEVIKA
     
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  2. Anandchitra

    Anandchitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Devika
    The bottom is line very very true.. so glad you wrote about it.
    Mostly parents are blind to this fact and so many cannot deal with failures.. and the after effects are bad on this.
    Just winning is not everything.. Thanks for writing on an important topic in an incredible manner:bowdown
     
  3. SupriyaDinesh

    SupriyaDinesh Silver IL'ite

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  4. Saraswathipv

    Saraswathipv IL Hall of Fame

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    You are right Devika,

    Care should be taken to see that the child is not put to unnecessary pressure to achieve or excel in something beyond his or her capabilities......

    Their natural skill should be identified and it should be worked upon and as you say prepare them to accept brickbats as well.

    It is always better to climb up step by step than zoom ahead and get blocked and fall flat...

    Good Bye
     
  5. Devika Menon

    Devika Menon Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Ac,

    Thankyou so much for the prompt reply!

    You know sometimes parents knowingly or unknowingly put so much pressure on the kids. A week back a girl came in for counselling.Infact her parents had brought her in. She had suicidal tendencies. Little were they aware that they were the cause of it , which was later revealed. The constant high expectation and comparisons made her feel so inferior that she loathed her existence. Everyone individual has different capabilitis and limitations and that fact has to be respected.

    Thankyou AC for writing in!

    Love,
    Devika
     
  6. Devika Menon

    Devika Menon Gold IL'ite

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  7. Anushiv

    Anushiv Senior IL'ite

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    Dear Devika,

    Well-said & very true! Sometimes, as an adult we too are unable to take-up ' Brickbats'.
    I as a parent can & wish to bring this attitude in my children but as a Mom, I should first know how to take up failures sportingly. In spite of... be good, think good & do good attitude I do come across failures & mishaps in daily life. Nowadays, I try to learn from my mistakes...initially I used to cry & get disappointed with harsh criticism but now I am bit cool & less disturbed with it. I know, my children are watching out every action of mine...so, as a parent we need to change first. Our way of dealing with people & handling a situation can help our children to better job.

    Infact, I feel parents are the real guru(s) to the children. First, they need to be prepared for the brickbats & that can help them in preparing their children for the brickbats!

    Hope I have not confused you
    Witsend
     
  8. Devika Menon

    Devika Menon Gold IL'ite

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    Wonderfully said Sars ! Glad you joined in

    Yeah sometimes parents expect the kids to fulfil the desires they themselves nurtured as a child or something that has been achieved by a 3rd person,irrespective of th fact that they might not be potentially qualified to do so.

    Stress has become the greatest killer these days and plays havoc with the childs confidence and psyche.

    Parents need to understand that though we all want our kids to excel in life but each is bound by limitations so instead of expecting something beyond means honing the skill evident in the child is of supreme inportance.

    Thanks Sars,

    Love,
    Devika
     
  9. Arunarc

    Arunarc Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Poetess
    Aptly said your lessons and points that all parents should remember are super.
    Yes failure should be taken sportingly, and never force your kid in something that he/she doesn't want to do, give them an opportunity to decide what they want to do.
    Even if our kid is average in studies be it, he/she is number one in something else we being parents have to identify that and train them or educate them in that field. Only then we can see our kid in flying colours. As much we prepare them for success we should equally prepare them for failures in life.
    Thanks for the tips Devika dear for putting them up here I too have read so much news about the kids now a days as all the results are out and the kids going through so much of pressure, stress becoz of the failure. I really feel sad for them. Why do these parents want so much from their kids.............did the parents go through all this when they were young?? I am sure all the parents had a good time during teens why are today's teens have to face all this pressure when it is the time for them to enjoy and equally think of they future. Today's kids are smarter then us that is what I feel and know exactly what they want in future.
     
  10. Devika Menon

    Devika Menon Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Anu,

    Thanks for writing in and glad to read your views.No you havent confused me at all.
    Infact im glad to read it.Yes as parents we hold the mantle of training our children and if we ourselves are not equipped to deal with brickbats , how can we train our children. its important to be able to train our kids in accepting success and failure with a firm head on our shoulder.
    Im glad your doing a great job Anu. Thanks once again for joining in!

    Love,
    Devika
     

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