A milestone in your daughter's life

Hi other ilites with adoloscent daughters, i have a daughter who has completed 12 and is going on 13. I am just scared (for want of a right word) with the question when...... will i be there to help her...what if at school...

I have told my daughter about the changes and what to expect. but even then,
what did u do or r u doing. if u have a daughter at this age of attaining puberty
and how are you coping with the anxiety of being a mom at this stage.

Hi Shanvy,
I really appreciate your anxeity. Though I dont have a daughter at that age, I know for sure what my mom did. I will share them with you. It was those times when there were no TV. And I really dont know what exactly a sanitary napkin is and how to use it. But I have always seen it in my mom's personal cupboard and wanted to learn all about it. Also it was days when my mom used cloth too.

When I started showing she slowly explained me what will really happen if this change in my body comes. And she also advised me it is actually nothing wrong for a girl to have it and if you see something while you urinate whatever be the place, whereever you are go to the nearest comfortable lady and explain that you have seen something.

She started giving me demonstrations of how to use sanitary pads,(there was only Carefree available in the Indian Market at that time). She wrapped two pads in a paper and put them in a cover along with a belt and asked me to keep them all below the books. So that no one will see it.

Thank God I didnot get it the first time when I was in school. But still my mom was away from home and was in my grandma's place due to a death in the family. So it was me, my younger brother and my dad at home. I dunno what to do. So I went to my neighbour's house and told the aunty over there and after confirming she told my dad and asked him whether I can stay at their home for the night and the next day. As per schedule my mom was supposed to return only on Saturday morning and when informed to her over the phone she cried like hell it seems.

Immediatly my grandma and uncles got me things and on Saturday she came and then the next day I was called inside the home. As I objected for pomp and show only that neighbour and my dad's cousins who were nearby were called.

Whew!!!! I still remember that day. But as it is no need to worry. Kids today are extra smart. In fact they really know what exactly to be done. We as mothers just need to guide them than giving false ideas.

Hope I am helpful

Thanks rajmiarun. I have my daughter prepared. but still...thanks for understanding.

Shanvy,
Got your message. You are welcome!

Always ensure that your daughter has napkins in her bag.I always ask my daughter to carry some plus a panty wrapped and tucked at the bottom of her school bag.You can teach her on how to use it.First and foremost prepare her for it and it is a natural process and there is nothing to be alarmed.Once you prepare them for it they take this in a better frame of mind.

Hi kanaka,

Thanks for your message. she is very much prepared. it is only a case of mother jitter's that all. thanks for understanding.

Hi Shanvy
I read about your anxiety and other ilites answers, I have a daughter who is just 10 years old and in vth standard. But in her class one or two children have attained puberty already. It is shocking for me and my friends who have girls of same age group. Today my daughter came to me and asked, ""What is a period? Today my friend did not come because she has period. She is very sad because she finds all the other friends in her class understands what a period is , She sadly said, All of them knows what is a period Only me I dont know anything."

I was really surprised to hear many children in the age group of 10 has attained puberty.

I dont know how to tell her and what to tell her at this age.

Please help me.

sumisen

Originally Posted by sumisen

Hi Shanvy
I read about your anxiety and other ilites answers, I have a daughter who is just 10 years old and in vth standard. But in her class one or two children have attained puberty already. It is shocking for me and my friends who have girls of same age group. Today my daughter came to me and asked, ""What is a period? Today my friend did not come because she has period. She is very sad because she finds all the other friends in her class understands what a period is , She sadly said, All of them knows what is a period Only me I dont know anything."

I was really surprised to hear many children in the age group of 10 has attained puberty.

I dont know how to tell her and what to tell her at this age.

Please help me.

sumisen

I can understand your angst Sumisen. With harmone enhanced food products, the age at which puberty is reached is getting lower and lower. It is not surprising to see boys with fully grown facial hair and breaking voices and girls with well developed body at 4th and fifth grades now a days. The best is to explain in clinical terms with out over / under emphasizing the significance. There are many sites that can give you guidelines.

This perticular one has very good guidelines...

http://www.nche.org/2005ParentTeacher.pdf

Shanthi, as a mother you have a right to worry but i am sure your daughter has many friends at school who had gone thru this and they have shared their experiences with her and she has a pretty good idea of what to expect / how to cope with this. More than 30 years back i sure did, it is another matter that in the all girls missionary school that i attended we had a compulsory sex- ed class once a week ( though i cannot recollect exactly what we were taught by those nuns ). And there used to be a special school vehicle devoted just for this purpose. All the others have given excellent suggestions.

Here where i live our school system has incorporated family life education into program of studies and this has proven to be a blessing in disguise for those parents who are shy / embarassed to broach these sublects with their children. When I tried to gently approach this topic with my daughter, her response was rolling of her eyes and 'Mom!!!'. I just made sure to stock her bathroom with the necessities and have a spare in the secret compartment of her backpack (one which is not visible to her marauding younger brother who has trouble keeping away from his sister's pencils and erasers). Also have a low strength pain reliever handy. Be sure to be extra gentle and have extra nourishment handy on those days until she learns to cope with them. Even a single curt response from me used to be enough to throw my daughter into a crying fit or temper in those initial years.(for all that external bravery she used to display)

Hi Shanvy,
i am sure you are going through a lot of anxiety, but put your mind to rest. Nowadays kids are brave and can take care of themselves. Also that you have prepared your daughter is a good thing, she will not get wrong information from outside.

Hi Shanthi,
Even my daughter attained puberty at the age of 12. Eventhough I had prepared her well, she was very much afraid to see it in real. This happened in the house, luckily. I don't want to imagine if she is in school.
as other ilites suggested let her have a napkin in her school bag, if there is such a thing.
Don't worry too much. They come out more than we anticipate them.
I also asked my eldest one to explain the matter to the youngest daughter.
So when the second daughter got hers ( at the age of 10) she was neither afraid nor screamed as the eldest daughter.

Don't worry.
sriniketan