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A Good Bargain

Discussion in 'Stories (Fiction)' started by twinsmom, May 25, 2009.

  1. twinsmom

    twinsmom Silver IL'ite

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    A Good Bargain
    by
    Vijaya Prakash
    This story got published in April 2009 in the book Inner Voices by Mirage Books. This was written in response to their contest for short stories with unconventional endings. Though I had conceived the idea for this story some 4 years back, I never got round to writing this. And, it is purely fiction!

    A jarring noise jerks me out of my doze. I turn my head to see where it has come from. The dim blue light lights up the frightening features of the man snoring in the seat next to mine. I am filled with revulsion as my eyes take in the pot-bellied hairy creature next to me. Rage fills my heart and overflows out of my eyes in the form of frustrated tears.
    “How dare he do this to me,” I think. I am angry enough to strangle him… if I can. The guttural snore makes me glance at the figure again. A sneer shapes itself on my lips…” Husband!” my mind utters with distaste. It is as though I shouted it out. One heavy eyelid after the other opens and I find myself staring into bleary and red eyes.
    Feeling utterly stupid, I murmur an apology and peer into the dense darkness outside the hurtling bus. A clearing of the throat makes me turn again to my right and I find the bloodshot eyes under the bushy eyebrows focusing on me.

    “Am I keeping you awake with my snoring?” he asks and I am, for a moment, touched by the concern in his gruff voice. I shrug.

    “ I forgot to thank him for his kindness,” the voice continues. “Will you please do that for me? You see, I need to be in Tirupathi by tomorrow. I am going home after a long time…”
    I try to hide the anger in my eyes. Apparently in vain, as the conciliatory voice continues. “Tickets were all sold out it was lucky that you had the extra seat. Of course, I paid double the ticket cost for this seat, you know…” The voice lapses into silence as the eyes see that it was the wrong thing to say. I turn away in disgust.

    ‘The miserly devil!’ my mind screams silently. I curl my fingers tightly into fists and push one into my mouth, as if to stop myself from screaming. In rage, I close my eyes… only to visualize the recipient of my wrath… my husband!

    My mercenary, niggardly excuse of a husband… I have always loathed the parsimonious side of his nature. How I hate shopping with him! He would bargain and bargain, till the vendors and salespersons start ridiculing him… My face would turn crimson with embarrassment, but he would be oblivious to all the scornful looks and derogatory tones… getting a bargain was raison d’ etre for him…

    No wonder I was pleasantly surprised when he had come into the kitchen one evening with a pink notice in his hands.

    “Kanthi… you keep asking me to take you to Tirupathi. Here, pack your bags… we will go on your dream trip.” I could not believe him. It was not in his nature to be so generous. I looked at him in disbelief. “Aho! Woman… you don’t believe me? See August 15th falls on a Friday and the Saturday that follows is a Second Saturday… so if I leave early on Thursday, we can return by Monday morning and I can join duty.”
    That is another thing that irritates me about him. He never takes a day off from work. Not because he is a dedicated worker but, because his office reimburses his untouched leave.

    Seeing my skeptical look, he snorted in anger and thrust the notice into my hand. I looked at the thin cheap quality paper in an awful shade of pink- the kind that comes with the newspaper, advertising sales and exhibitions… the ones he confiscates always, lest I get ideas about visiting them and start pestering him. It was of a new travel and tours operator in the town. “ Free ticket for Spouse” said the notice. It was an offer for a pilgrimage trip to Tirupathi. The offer was for couples. You paid for one ticket and two could travel.

    ‘Sigh! The end justifies the means,’ I had thought in a resigned manner and had happily packed our bags for the trip. But as usual, it was too good to be true. We had just got to the boarding point near the travel agency when his phone rang. It was his boss. There was some crisis in the plant and he was ordered to get back immediately.

    Telling me to wait, he had gone into the office to ask for a refund. For fifteen minutes, I waited gloomily. Another disappointment… this slip between my cup of dreams and my lip. When I would get another chance to go to Tirupathi?

    Then I saw him hurrying towards me talking on his cell phone. There was a stranger with him.
    “ I know you have been longing to go to Tirupathi. You carry on with the journey. I have told your uncle to pick you up at the bus stand in Tirupathi.” Relief flooded over me. Four days of freedom, I thought gleefully and bent to pick up my kit when he caught me by the arm and pulled me to one side. “Look, they refused to refund the ticket cost and so I had to do something. That gentleman there needs to reach Tirupathi urgently… Since you very badly wanted to go, I have sold my part of the ticket to him… “

    As the impact of what he was telling me dawned, I turned to him in disbelief. “ How can you?” I hissed angrily. “Why the hell didn’t you cancel the ticket? You expect me to travel with a perfect stranger, pretending to be his wife? What kind of a man are you?”
    “Look, Kanti… You were the one who pestered the life out of me with your desire to see Tirupathi. So what if I am not there? Uncle will take you to the temple and then put you back on the bus on Sunday night… You know I can’t travel with you at the moment…” As the conductor blew the whistle, he pushed me unceremoniously towards the bus and handed my kit over to some helping hand inside…”

    “ How much did you get…. Did you make a profit?” I wanted to yell at him through the window but he had already moved towards an auto to get back to his office.

    Anger wells up inside me as I glance at the intimidating form of the stranger beside me and on an impulse, I decide to ask him how much he had paid to pretend to be a strange lady’s husband. He seems to be in deep sleep and I turn back to peer into the darkness outside, bemoaning my fate of being married to a bloody skinflint.

    The bus seems to be in the middle of nowhere… Gigantic shadows of trees loom large in array enjoying momentary limelight as the headlight of the bus illuminates them… They look ominous and I shiver in fright.

    And then I notice it… the silence next to me. The man has stopped snoring… I turn to look at him and see him slumped forward, bent over his briefcase. The unnatural angle in which he slumps, makes me uneasy and I decide to wake him. Now, how can an Indian wife touch another man? But he might topple off his seat in his sleep. Steeling my will power, I catch hold of the briefcase and pull it, intending to wake him.
    He falls in a thud. I know something is wrong…seriously wrong. I scream before fainting.

    When I come to, I see that I am lying on a hospital bed. “ Where am I?” I ask weakly. A lady in light blue sari, the kind worn by ayahs in government hospitals gets up from the rickety chair at the head of my bed. “In a hospital, amma,” says she. “The bus…” I say again. “The bus is gone, they couldn’t wait… besides, it is death due to natural causes.” I scream again…and this brings the duty doctor and a policeman to my side. “You are awake’” the doctor says. “Can you please tell the policeman how your husband died? We suspect myocardial infarction…the post mortem will confirm it. Why did you both travel by bus when he was so ill? Couldn’t you have...” I am too terrified to talk.

    At the local police station the inspector questions me again and again while I sit staring at the dirty walls with unseeing eyes. I still sit here cringing as I find my status of a widowed wife confirm when the dead man’s relatives arrive to claim the body. Probably, the police found their address among his things in the briefcase.

    They hug me and console me. “He probably was luckless to die without meeting his ailing mother after 15 years…You are welcome to our humble home…as the daughter in law, you are now a part of our family.”

    Unable to bear the kind and concerned glances of the people around me, I request the inspector to dial my residence number…
    Kanti!” hollers the voice at the other end. “Where are you? Your uncle is sick with worry that you weren’t on the bus…”
    “ My husband who was traveling with me died of heart attack,” I say calmly. “I am leaving for his village with his relatives.” I replace the receiver and slowly get up.

    May be this is the best bargain that will come my way!


     
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  2. Paulina

    Paulina Moderator Staff Member Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi twinsmom,

    SUPERB narrative style and skillful crafting of a story with a truly unconventional ending. Real nail biting suspense towards the end .Felt like giving a standing ovation to Kanthi .....she finally got her pound of flesh !!
    The reader is in a diellemma .....to cry or to laugh ?? !! I did it in turns !:biglaugh
    An immensely enjoyable read from start to finish .:thumbsup
     
  3. twinsmom

    twinsmom Silver IL'ite

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    Thank You, Paulina.

    It is a very unlikely story....right???
     
  4. poone

    poone Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi Twinsmom,

    Fantastic narration and a story with a twist ..:coffee

    This should have seriously taught a lesson to the stingy hubby.:rotfl
     
  5. Kamla

    Kamla IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Twinsmom (Vijaya),

    Thanks to Paulina who nominated this for the FP of the month, I got to read this brilliant piece of fictional work by you.

    I have always enjoyed anything penned by you. But with this little story, you really have put me in awe of you. The story was so brief, so breezy and so full of twists....it is just amazing! I do hope it won the prize in the contest.

    The husband surely got his payback and this time, more than double!! Paulina is so right when she says that it puts readers in dilemma. I surely laughed and was also sad for our protagonist!!

    L, Kamla
     
  6. Gowri66

    Gowri66 Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Vijaya,

    Wonderful narration with unexpected twist ! Enjoyed !!

    With love..
     
    Last edited: May 29, 2009
  7. twinsmom

    twinsmom Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Poone ( as in 'meaow'??)
    I was wondering if people would appreciate such an end... I was ( am still) soooo happy to see it in print. But as always, the real satisfaction of having written this came only after I posted it as a blog. Because, I know someone really read the story... I wonder how many people bought the book!

    Thank you for your lovely comment!
    Regards
     
  8. twinsmom

    twinsmom Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Paulina,

    Thank you for nominating the story. The greatest gratification i can get is when many people read it and like it....and you are icing the cake. Really appreciate that! :)
    Twinsmom
     
  9. twinsmom

    twinsmom Silver IL'ite

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    Hi kamla,
    Thank you for letting me know the story has been nominated. It feels very very nice to be back and be a part of the IL family again.

    I am really thrilled that you liked the story. As for it being brief, I agonized over the length as there was a word limit. I had to chop off so much of my verbosity and to do that with your fingers crossed can be really a hectic task. I was scared that I was maiming my own baby when I did that! Crazy... right?

    I had got the idea for this story a few years back. But I felt, it would sound better in a vernacular language. Since my Mom writes in Tamil, I told her to use it. It was during her Chemo sessions, when I was with her, I think. Somehow, she never got round to doing it. When the contest came up, I rang her up and asked if she had written the story. She said, she wrote it but never got round to finishing it and said I could borrow the idea back and go ahead with the contest. So I wrote this and and first sent it to her. She liked it. So I entered it in the contest...

    The men ( family and friends) felt I was being rather cruel at the end. Though they conceded grudgingly that the husband needed to be taught a lesson, they could NOT accept the end... The women, on the other hand, enjoyed the story. Hmmm... is that all about mindset ...or ...wishful thinking???
     
  10. twinsmom

    twinsmom Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Gowrie,
    Thank you for liking the story. It is probably the most unlikely story you may come across... but...what the heck! It is fiction!
     

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