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First Love

Discussion in 'Stories (Fiction)' started by IamLucky, Apr 9, 2015.

  1. IamLucky

    IamLucky Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Friends,
    This is my first attempt in writing a story. That too a full length Love story.
    Being a person who did Love marriage, i love to hear a full length love story.
    Don't know whether i will be able to meet the qualifications of a writer, i hope i will get some feedback and corrections on my attempt.
    Please pour ur suggestions and feedback for further proceeding with the story.
    Or else i will do what i can do and not try writing and boring :)

    Episode 1
    It is a beautiful Sunday morning, birds singing and sun trying to wake up from his sleep with his radiant smile. The flowers are trying to stretch their petals to welcome a brand new day. The dew drops are blushing and hiding themselves from the sun from fresh grasses.
    Riya woke up from sleep early morning, prayed for a while, took bath and changed to her beautiful baby pink embroidered kurta and blue jean which suited well with her wheat complexion and slim body. Took her sling bag and a few books in her hand and got ready to go to her first day college. When she reached down stairs, her mother Mary was ready with hot idlies and sambar and a tiffen box with her favorite carrot rice.
    Mary: Hello Riya kutty, Good morning. My little girl is looking very cute today.
    Riya: Ma! This is the 1000[SUP]th[/SUP] time you are telling this to me and whatever I wear every morning u are telling the same. Every girl looks like an angel to their parents.
    Mary: May be, but my baby is truly an angel sent from god. Ok talks apart, come have your breakfast and get ready to college. Dad is already ready and he told he will drop you in college on the way to office.
    Riya nodded her head in acceptance and had her breakfast. When she finished, her dad came from his room and greeted her.
    Stephen: Riya shall we move, since today is first day its better you reach early so that its easy for you to get along with ur friends and class.
    Riya: Sure dad, where is my dear bro??
    Stephen: he went to his special class already since he is in class 11[SUP]th[/SUP] this year.
    Riya(laughing): who knows its special class or special cricket.
    Mary: My son is trying very hard to get medical seat so he is very focused on studying.
    Riya: Bet Ma! I am sure he will also join engineering like me. Ok dad we can move.
    Riya wore her matching pink floaters. Stephen and Riya started in their Black Lancer car.
    St.Thomas Engineering College.
    Stephen: Riya kutty, all the best dear. Take care and I don’t have any advices for u. My opinion for my daughter is enjoy ur life to the fullest and do whatever u think is good for u and others around you. Do have fear in Lord and this dad is always with you. I want to see you smiling always like now.
    Riya: Sure. Love you dad. See you in the evening.
    First day in college. There is a strict prohibition for ragging but senior folks did it in the name of “Freshers welcome party”
    Riya asked a man who looked like an office boy for the way to IT department.
    When Riya entered in to the Block. Gang of 5 guys called her.
    Hey Pink Dress, Come here.
    Riya slowly walked towards them.
    Contn…
     
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  2. muggs

    muggs Gold IL'ite

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    Good Start :2thumbsup:
     
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  3. ChillySnow

    ChillySnow New IL'ite

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    Great..
    Keep going :clap
     
  4. IamLucky

    IamLucky Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks a lot muggs..ur comment mean a lot to me
     
  5. IamLucky

    IamLucky Gold IL'ite

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    Dear ChillySnow, You Anu story is a sort of inspiration for me. Wat a narration.
    Thanks a lot for the valuble feedback.
     
  6. IamLucky

    IamLucky Gold IL'ite

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    Episode 2:
    Actually Riya was pissed off but she didn’t show anything off. There were already three guys getting ragged.
    Come and stand next to Mr.smart . Riya obediently went and stood with her head hanging down.
    The Guy who looked like the boss to the gang asked sternly. Don’t you know that you should wish when you see the seniors??
    Riya: Good morning!!
    Senior Boss(Siva): What an attitude? Address us SIR.
    Riya: Sorry, Good Morning sir.
    One guy was already selling slippers and the other one was massaging the senior and one another was standing still without answering anything the seniors asked.
    Siva become angrier towards him and came near him to give a slap. Then the guy looked straight and showed some sign language. Siva was taken aback knowing the reality.
    Siva brought all his good boy character and asked sorry to him and asked him to write his name at least.
    He took his note book from the bag and wrote in bold letters “RAHUL”.
    Siva again asked sorry and asked him to leave to the class room.
    The other two guys also were stunned and were seeing Rahul going.
    Siva shouted, what you are looking at, continue your task.
    Riya was all the while praying god to rescue her from this. She was in the verge of crying.
    When Siva stepped near her, He was called by a voice from behind.
    Hey Siva, again started this childish things? Come on man we have much more important works than this.
    Krish!! Man you are back from US??
    There stood Krish, who was 6.2 ft tall with a good build of body. His shiny hair was waving as her moved his fingers into his hair.
    With a White denim shirt and blue jean, he resembled a Bollywood actor. His coolers added charm to his look. He is from the final year Mechanical Engineering.
    Krish: Yes Macha! Came back yesterday morning.
    Looking at the boys, he told. Move to you classes.
    When he saw Riya, almost drops of tears came out and she is ready to cry full fledge.
    Krish: Hey what’s your name?
    Siva: She is Riya da.
    Rohan: Yeah, Whatever, You also move to your class. Come on guys .
    She wiped her tears and turned to move.
    After walking 10 feet, they both turned to see each other together.
    Contn…
     
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  7. IamLucky

    IamLucky Gold IL'ite

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    Episode 3:
    When they looked at each other. Krish raised his eyebrows like asking what?
    Riya suddenly shook her head and ran fast to her class.
    When she entered into the class ,the class was almost full and she found a seat only in the 3[SUP]rd[/SUP] row.
    The arrangement was like, per desk 2 students can be seated and there were 5 rows.
    She went near the 3[SUP]rd[/SUP] desk and there was already a girl in her aqua blue salwar was writing something in her note book.
    Riya: Hi, Good morning, I am Riya.
    Girl: Hello Riya, I am Swetha. Come and sit.
    They were exchanging the personal details about each other and soon other gals also came and joined and got introduced.
    In between the conversation, Riya heard someone calling Rahul. She suddenly turned back to see him.
    She was completely shocked when she saw Rahul speaking in his full voice and in fact his voice was the one shouting more than others.
    Riya: Excuse me gals’ will be back.
    Hey Rahul, I am Riya and I was standing near u during the ragging. Remember??
    Rahul: Hi Riya, Yeah I do remember some girl standing but I didn’t see you.
    Riya: You told the seniors that you are dumb right???
    Rahul[laughing heavily]: hey friend, just to escape from them I told and they will not remember me anymore and they are from Mech department. Brilliant na??
    Riya: Hey why did you do that? They are friendly only. It may create some problem. And be careful when u meet them.
    Rahul: Least bothered Riya. Here ragging is prohibited and if they do something they only will be in trouble.
    Riya smiled and went.
    Rahul is a tall and handsome with new mustache started coming but he was a bit thin compared to other guys of his age.he is wearing a power glass without frame which showed him more lean.
    They got introduced with each other and they enjoyed the first day of their class.
    Stephen came to pick riya by 5.30 pm and riya was non stop talking telling each and everything that happened in the college.
    Stephen also enjoyed hearing and told. When I was in college I also suffered ragging.
    After reaching home, she told the same story to her mother also with the same energy.
    Her bro Ebby came inside after school and saw his sister laughing heavily telling her story.
    Ebby: Hey Sissy, sorry I didn’t see u in the morning. How was the day??
    Riya: Ebby, in my college..
    Stephen: Hiyo Riya, its not possible to here for the 3[SUP]rd[/SUP] time. Ebby, I ll tell u afterwards.
    Riya(with the false angry): DADDDY, am I boring you??
    Mary: all 3 come and have tea, I have prepared ur favo aloo bonda riya.
    Riya: WOW mummy, Love you. They all had a good family evening as usual in their garden with a beautiful lawn and fountain.
    Stephen changed into his evening dress and went to water the plants.
    Riya changed to her 3/4[SUP]th[/SUP] shorts and a tee and came to play with her doggy Tommy.
    Ebby went to his evening maths class.
    Mary went to prepare dinner.

    Contn….
     
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  8. luv

    luv Silver IL'ite

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    Very nice..As you have asked for feedback I would say change sunday to sunny day in the very first sentence as all colleges and offices are closed on Sunday.
     
  9. IamLucky

    IamLucky Gold IL'ite

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    Oh My bad, Thanks a lot for pointing out this.
    How i didnt notice that.kneesmiley

    Will change it for sure. Your feed backs are always welcome.

    Edited: Not able to edit the older post:confused2:
     
  10. IamLucky

    IamLucky Gold IL'ite

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    Episode 4:
    They all had their dinner happily. It’s a unwritten rule that in Stephen’s house dinner should be had with the whole family together.
    Riya went to her room and prayed for some time with the holy bible .After prayer she thought about Krish. She thought herself , I wont think of anyone without reason, why this guy is coming in my mind continuously.
    The College is situated up the hill and with the entrance in the main road and the building is some 2 kms from the main gate. On the way it was full of gulmohar trees with gorgeous orange flowers all over the tree. The road will be always filled with flowers as if the road is painted in orange color.
    When Stephen tried to enter into the main gate, Riya saw swetha walking towards the college.
    Riya: Dad, please drop me here itself. My friend is walking let me give her company. We will enjoy walking together. After all we came inside the campus na?
    Stephen: Ask your friend also to get in dear, I will drop both of u.
    Riya: No worries dad. We will walk.
    Stephen: Take care dear.
    Riya: Bye daddy. Hey swea. Good morning!
    Swetha: Hey Riya, what a surprise. My dad dropped me in the entrance in his auto. From tomo I will come in college bus.
    Riya: Oh Is it?? College bus will be fun na?? I should ask my dad also for the same. Hope he ll accept.
    Swetha: Yes, we can come together and go together .Today they may take names, first we ll give the name. If your dad didn’t accept means we can cancel because if the seats are filled then you would not be able to get.
    Riya: Okay Swea.
    Riya was searching for Krish all the way when she walked. But she was not able to find him.
    From the back someone touched her shoulders. Riya was shocked and turned suddenly to see who is it.
    Contn...
     
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