The unwanted - my debut story on the third gender

Laxmi got up with a big sigh, at the same time folding her hands to the one above, praying for HIS blessings on herself and her husband. Now, she will follow the same routine of daily chores. Getting up early when its still dark, taking bath, cooking food for her husband, and then when her husband leaves for job, packing food for herself, and silently heading towards their crop fields, when no one watches her leave, pitying herself each and every moment, head bowed as if she has done some crime. The sound of crying, laughing of the two kids of her husbands younger brother, one girl just one and half years old and the elder one boy around 3 years old, the sound of laughter of the couple from the adjoining room, along with the sounds of the children from piercing Laxmi’s ears, piercing her heart, her very soul. Why she has to suffer silently? What was her fault? Her food wrapped in a cloth, to cater to her entire day’s needs Laxmi reaches the crop fields where already the laborers have gathered to start the days work. Laxmi settles with her bundle of food at her usual place, under the tree with another long sigh. Each time saying Oh Ishwar have mercy on me. It is almost five years of their marriage but Laxmi was not able to conceive. Theirs was a village but all medical facilities available and in spite of tests and re-tests nothing wrong was found with either her or her husband. Belonging to an upper class in the village, they had everything, a big house, large crop fields. Earlier she used to be inside her portion of the house, but slowly slowly other villager ladies coming to meet her sister in law, made her go inside her own shell. A cocoon she had woven around herself not able to stand their ugly looks of being without a child, a baanjh, an infertile woman. Not able to bear anymore she started going to the crop fields just to be away from everything, under the banyan tree, watching the laborers work and settled in a world of her own. One day her husband came home happily and told her he will take her to a female doctor (gynecologist) who is very famous for her treatment and several couples have had children after her getting treatment from her. Laxmi’s hope once again started building within herself, the motherhood the womanhood once again looking waiting for a miracle to happen. They went to the lady doctor started treatment and within three months of the treatment, and by the Almighty’s blessing this time for the first time in five years Laxmi did conceive.
Their joy knew no bound. Laxmi stopped going to the fields and stayed home, her husband Satyanarayan arranged for a lady to take care of Laxmi . For them this child was going to be very special and her husband told Laxmi to be extra cautious. Laxmi was never pampered so much in life but even in her moments of happiness she never stopped praying to Lord a single day. Her faith was restored and her husband started taking extra care. Soon months passed and their expectation started growing. Word has spread in the entire village that Laxmi is going to be a mother. The same women who used to avoid her calling her infertile(banjh) started coming to her and giving her advise. Days passed into months and the date was coming nearer.
Laxmi was fortunate to have a wonderful husband in Satya Narayan, who never ever ill treated her during all these painful five years of their marriage life and used to say it is all in Gods hand. She too loved him a lot and considered herself very lucky. The flow of motherhood made her look more beautiful and the radiance on her face was so vibrant.
One fine night few days before she started having labour pain and was rushed to the nearest government hospital, which was within the village itself. The early morning around 4.30 am Laxmi gave birth to a child , she had a difficult delivery and soon after delivery she fell unconscious.
When she came to her consciousness, she could see her husband sitting next to her bed holding her hand. Though she was very weak yet Laxmi wanted to see her new born immediately, she saw the ashen look on her dear husbands face, could not guess why, the first thought which struck her mind, is where is my baby? Was it stillborn but before falling unconscious she remembered hearing its cry. She tried to get up and clutching her husbands hand asked where is my child, I want to see it now, please bring my baby to me or I will die right this moment. Her husband averted her eyes, saying baby is fine and is kept separately since its quite weak, you can see it tomorrow.
Laxmi started weeping loudly asking her baby to be brought to her, then suddenly she remembered and asked can you please tell me if we had a boy or a girl but for me it doesn’t matter I want my baby to alright. Seeing her crying uncontrollably shaking her husband came a little forward put his arms around her, hugged her tighly and said Oh Laxmi, what should I tell you? We had been waiting all these years and all these months for our child and God has not blessed us but it seems we had done some heinous crime in our previous birth that is why we have been cursed by God. Laxmi felt as if she will faint and asked tell me what happened she could not bear her husband, who had been so strong so supportive all these years towards her, hugging her and crying like a child.
Between his sobs Satyanarayan told her that Laxmi has given birth to an eunuch, an child which is neither a boy or a girl. Laxmi couldn’t believe her ears, what she has done to deserve this. She was shaking with the shock, she was at a loss to say anything, speechless, her tears flowing down her eyes soaking her clothes. Her husband wept shamelessly and openly with her saying Oh Laxmi what are we going to do, I lied to you that the child is not well. I don’t have the heart to bring it to you. Dazed Laxmi cried and cried her profound grief knowing no bounds. After sometime she gathered herself and asked her husband please I beg you to bring my child to me, I am a mother, my child may be a transgender, an eunuch but I am a mother now, I immediately want to see my child. Not being able to resist further, her husband went to the next room and brought the new born child. It was one of the most handsome child Laxmi had ever seen, with hazel eyes, fair complexion and curly hairs. At first glance it looked like a boy only and it was hard to believe it is not a boy. Clutching her child to herself Laxmi sobbed uncontrollably. The child was looking hungry and when she took the child to her milk filled breast and the child started sucking her milk, the joy of motherhood made her forget everything. She forgot the world around her for her only her child mattered which is in her lap she clutched to her child like a precious gem, never wanting her child to leave her.
Running her fingers through the childs curly hair and continued sobbing. With his arms around his wife, Satyanarayan also wept. The joy of seeing his only child after so many painful years and then at the same time knowing what kind of child they have been blessed, continued his tears………It is so true the mother bears the same pain while giving birth to her child, may it be a boy or a girl or a transgender.

Laxmi was discharged from hospital the next day, the couple were at a loss what they should tell to the friends and relatives but it seems the news has already travelled like fire in the entire village. No sooner they reached home, there were people surrounding their house to meet them if not welcome them. Some were there with a look of pity, while most of the crowd consisted of people who were curious, very curious to know what a transgender kid looks like, everyone wanted to peep at the kid. Avoiding their glances the couple entered their house and Laxmi went to her side of the house and shut the main door, crying uncontrollably yet clutching her new born to herself. They had planned in advance how they will celebrate the birth of their first child but now there will be no celebrations. Yet Laxmi clutched to her child as if it’s a prized possession. Mother thy name is pain.
Nobody came to their house after that and the couple remained inside their house, not knowing what to do next, how to continue their life further. How to face the society, the people, as if they are culprits .They were still in the shock, the aftermath more horrible to face. Few days passed like this and Laxmi tried to keep herself busy in looking after the child, yet fearing deep within her the unknown, the uncertainty of what lies ahead making her shiver with fear. It was customary to celebrate a childs birthday after few days during which the local group of eunuchs, the transgenders come to the houses where a baby is born, take the new born child in their hand and give the child blessing and then after lots of dancing and singing depart after pocketing some money towards their so called service. These untouchable section of the society had their only worth during such occasions. Laxmi was just fearing this day. One such fine morning when she had just bathed the baby dressed it and was feeding the child, her sister in law came running to her saying Oh didi the group of eunuchs are coming towards our house, just when she mentioned this the group of transgenders entered their house with their normal gesture headed by a middle aged eunuch which Laxmi later known is called Kamala. They took the child in their hands and blessed the child in their style. Laxmi’s heart was beating heavily, blood drained out of her face she stood paralysed , rooted to the ground. Suddenly, Kamala with the child in her hand came near Laxmi and told I want to talk to you in privacy………….
Laxmi’s heart skipped with some unknown fear, Kamala the head eunuch, holding the baby in her arms went inside the house with Laxmi. In the meanwhile Laxmi’s husband also arrived and he also accompanied them to the inner room. Kamala explained to them why she wanted to talk to them in total privacy. She told Laxmi, now that everyone in the village know your child is neither male nor female, just think what kind of life you will give to your child. We enunchs are not less than being treated as the “untouchables” by the society. How can this child grow up in your house, within the village each and every moment of the child’s life will be made hell by people around him. At every step of his life he will be made to realize what is he, people will laugh at him, make joke of him, he will feel as if he was never born. He will never have a normal life in his entire life. Give your child to us where he actually belongs, we will give him love, we will bring him up and he is one of us. Your society can never give him a normal life, wherever he will go will be mocked by all. Laxmi felt as if her whole world has crumbled , she was dumbstruck no sound came out of her mouth. Her husband was looking intently at her to see her reaction. The couple tried to digest what Kamala the head eunuch was trying to make them understand and the bitter truth of their life. Her husband put his arm around Laxmi saying what Kamala is saying is totally true, our child can never have a normal life, he has to go to the world where he belongs. It is for his own good that we should give the child to the group. Laxmi started wailing loudly, she fell on the ground weeping holding her husbands legs, please don’t take my child from me, I cannot live without him. Her husband picked her up and said Laxmi are you so blind that you are turning yourself from the bitter truth. We can not keep a child like this with us, he is my child also but for his betterment we have to part with him. Laxmi amidst her tears ask can I please keep him with me for atleast few months. Now it was Kamala’s turn to interfere she told Laxmi the longer you keep the child with you the more you will develop attachment to the child. You have to give him to us at this stage itself. Laxmi asked if she can atleast come and meet her child to which Kamala said no that way you will ruin his life further. Your child has already been cursed by being born as a transgender, don’t make life more miserable for him by making him emotionally broke. He has to be detached away from you and your family. Sobbingly and crying uncontrollably they had no option left but to hand over the child to the eunuch group. For the last time Laxmi clutched to her child, hugged it with tearful eyes and bade goodbye. She felt as if her life is coming to an end, but the truth spoken by the eunuch leader was like a stab to her life she knew she will have a wound , a scar for the rest of her life, which time will never heel. With heavy heart they handed over their only child to the group along with whatever money, clothes they could give and the group left with the child, the child was taken where it belonged, to the untouchables. Laxmi fell on the ground crying endlessly, a void has been created in her very soul never to be filled again.

Days passed and with her husbands love and support, Laxmi was able to cope up with her grief, her loss but she stopped going to the crop field like earlier days. Whole day she remained inside looking after her household work. Her day brightens up when her loving husband return home in the evening. A strong bond of love and care grew between the couple. Though in her heart she wanted to see to know about your abandoned child yet she never had the courage to ask her husband and they never discussed anything about their child. By some strange miracle, after six months, Laxmi found that she has conceived again. Strange are Gods way. At times has often been found that childless couple adopts a child and after sometime the mother conceives. It perhaps happened in Laxmi’s case, her unfulfilled motherhood perhaps made her conceive again. The couple were ecstatic and her husband told her see after all God wanted us to be happy again. This time she was cared more by her husband and with time, she delivered another child, a male child. Their joy knew no bound and after returning home all kinds of celebrations took place. Bringing up her second child, Laxmi never forgot her first child and often used to think where is he, how is he. Time went by and their second child grew up. He was a tall handsome boy with same hazel green eyes like their first child. It was time for him to get married , since he has also got a similar job like his father, and in those days children were married early, they looked for a good girl and got him married. Yes they had named him Gobind, as a gratitude to the Lord. Inspite of her new found happiness at times Laxmi’s thought used to drift to her first child, the mother inside her wanted to see him meet him know about him but she dare not ask her husband about her child. The newly weds were welcomed back after the marriage was over and a big reception was held. As it was customary a group of transgenders came and danced to the tunes of filmi songs, entertaining the guests. Suddenly Laxmi’s eyes fell on a handsome transgender with hazel green eyes, dancing to the tune. She immediately asked one of the servant to call for the leader of their group. As she was fearing old Kamala, came to her , Laxmi took Kamala to the backyard and asked her sobbingly Oh Kamala tell me is he not my son, do bring him to me, I want to hug him, I want to see him. Kamala kept quite and after the initial emotions have flown out, folded her hands and told to Laxmi, yes he is your child but what will you achieve by meeting him, he had already been cursed when he took birth, don’t try to curse him again by letting him know about his true identity. See the irony of fate, while one son is married and going to enter his blissful married life while the other child is dancing in his own brothers marriage. I had been his mother his father and I never told him his real identity, please don’t take away his parent from his the second time. I know how you feel but it for the good of all of us. The most I can do for you knowing you are a mother also and we transgenders are also human, we also have emotions like any other human and I had brought your child as my own child, I can bring him once to you and you can give him some alms to him without letting him know. This I am doing entirely for your motherhood, how you must be feeling and have felt all these years. She called Laxmi’s first child and Laxmi realize he is being called Krishna. Amazingly Krishna and Gobind two names for the same God. Such was the irony of Laxmi’s life. Krishna was brought to Laxmi. Kamala told Krishna this kind lady liked your dance very much and wants to give you some extra money, do take her blessings. With shaking hands Laxmi blessed her child, touching his head lightly, Krishna bowed before Laxmi touching her feet. Controlling herself , controlling her overflowing emotions Laxmi poured whatever money she had with her at that time in Krishna’s stretched hand. She tried to hold back her tears as warned by Kamala. Kamala, the head transgender, wrapped her loving arms around tall Krishna’s shoulder and lead him towards the entrance out of the gate along with other members of her group, out of Laxmi’s life forever.
While walking away, for a second Krishna looked back at Laxmi and then walked out. Perhaps some kind of bondage was pulling him also to his unseen mother.

 

thank you so much

 

thanx i got the reward that one drop of tear from your eyes

 

thank you so much, for reading the story yes dear the pain borne by a mother.....for her child 'the unwanted" by our society

 

Dear thanx for appreciating and i know this story will bring tears to the eyes of all of us, who have deep emotions within them, trust me tears were flowing down my eyes, blurring the vision while i was typing this story.......my reward is the tears which dropped from the eyes of the readers....
yes some part of the story is very true, i have experienced the pain of a mother who could not conceive for 8 years and became mentally imbalanced due to the wrath of society, the Laxmi is a real life character, some more part are true too