This Lakshmi Is a little Daring, Isn't she?

Ambika,
I was just teasing you with my words. Only when you give a strongly worded reply to my snippet it really gets hot and many many new angles and new views emerge making the discussion not only lively but also really insightful. To be honest Ambika I will be personally hurt only when you ignore my Lakshmis and do not respond.
What is a dark cloud and what is a silver lining depends upon the priorities one gives to the various things in life. For this Lakshmi being with the husband under the same roof and being cared for by him and caring for him was probably near the top in the priority list. So she had to take a decision like that. That is a daring decision no doubt. And people who take daring decisions need not necessarily be happy in the short run. At time they might have even jumped from the frying pan into the fire. But she has acted with high conviction and she is ready to face the consequences.
Lakshmi is just an imaginative focal point to argue out some of the life's burning issues. So don't consider me as the zealous protector of Lakshmis as I do not consider you as the antagonist of Lakshmis.
I confess I did tease you a bit. But I am happy about the results. Such a matured, balanced and a wonderful response from the poetess contributes not only to the light but also to the heat of the discussion.
This Lakshmi has taken a daring decision. But I know many Lakshmis who just kept silent and accepted the facts. Those Lakshmis were condemned to live a life of solitary confinement. Shiva is good and faithful today. But under the circumstances, living apart from one's wife and having opportunity to move with the members of the opposite sex, Shiva's fidelity cannot be guaranteed for long. That's a practical angle and I have seen that happen in many cases. So as I respect your stand and admire your brilliant defence I still stick to my views.
Now, go on, Madam,
sridhar

Sending the divorce notice was not the answer. Money means different things to different people: for those who have struggled for it, money means security; for those who have led a luxurious life, it is for spending; for some it is a means to invest in property etc. Shiva must've thought of saving money for his children's future - a nest egg to buffer them from inflation or for their higher education abroad. Lakshmi should have explained the situation to him - her feelings and anxieties and Shiva might have understood her viewpoint. There are many families separated for months at a time due to professional reasons - there has to be understanding and trust. Education and financial independence should not make a woman arrogant and less tolerant.

I agree with what Ambika has expressed. She has never been against any Lakshmis portrayed in all the stories - she has analysed and decided what would be correct for them to do in their life-situation. Circumstances, individual responses and the basic nature of the people involved lead to differing points of view. What may be right for me, may shock someone else. In life there are no absolutes, no blacks and whites - there are plenty of greys.
SHARADA

dear Sridhar,
I am a regular reader of ananda Vikatan. I have read many of your stories also, even though I am not good in remembering their names.
Anyway, about this Lakshmy, I think all these decisions being right or wrong, depends upon the particular person's priorities. I was working in Railways. I decided to quit my job to take care of my son, who needed special attention. I never regret my decision till date. My husband was for my quitting the job even before that. But he did not force me. I did not want to shift my responsibility to somebody else at that time and feel guilty later in my life. I can say that my decision had been right, now when I see the enormous development in my son. It all depends on the priorities of the individual.
varloo

Sharada,
Every problem I present I want to tease out all the aspects, the intricacies and subtelties. Though every area I have presented belongs to different shades of grey I argue from either the black or the white side so that I provoke as many people as possible who come out with good arguments, and insightful observations
You for instance, Sharada, have come out with a brilliant explanation for the role of money in our lives. May be Shiva was brought up under hard circumstances; so to him money means the most fundamental security.That's why he can't bear losing an assured source of income though he loves his wife and family. But one stage or other we have to draw a clear line. We should understand that there are other priorities in life. To me money is like a hygene factor. If it's not there, yes, life could be hell. But merely because money is there in abundance it does not gurantee or even pave way for happiness.
Lakshmi had waited enough. For two long years she had managed being a job, managing the household, bringing up children with no trace of silver lining whatsover. Ennui sets in. If this is going to the life hereafter, what's the point in life, in marriage? She might have thought. I have seen that in such cases (where the couple live apart with no joy in living) there are fair chances of their being caught up in messy affairs. For the sake of brevity I said that she has sent the divorce notice straightaway. She would have had a number of sessions with her husband trying to reason out her trauma. Finally with no other alternatives available she would have opted for an extreme step.
Varloo,
I fully agree that it depends on the individual's priorities. But in this case there was a clash between the priorities of the wife and husband. Assume what would you have done if your husband resisted to your quitting the job? That was exactly Lakshmi's problem.
I am very proud of you Varloo and your husband for you had your priorites right. But not Shiva in my snippet.
sridhar

I think Lakshmi is right.. Most of the time we are only thinking about the future that we forget today.. when Lakshmi and shiva can afford why not lakshmi quit her job... they''ll never get back this age again.. M factor plays havoc in many a cases. If u think money is everything then there is no end to it... Shiva might hop to another job which might restrict their seeing each other to once in 6 months or may be once a year.. so what is the purpose of living apart with all the money.. I recall an Inspiring note which I'd read and would like to post it for others to read..

Happiness is a Journey…
=======================

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we pass out
from college, get married, or have a baby.

Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be
more content when they are.

After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with.

We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage.

We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse
gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to
go on a nice vacation, or when we retire.

The truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now.

If not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges.
It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.

Happiness is the way.

So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because
you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your
time with...and remember that time waits for no one.
So, stop waiting
--until you pass from college
--until you get a new car or home
--until you get married
--until you go have kids
--until you lose ten pounds!
--until you gain ten pounds!
--until your kids finish school
--until you retire
--until summer
--until spring
--until winter
--until you grow old...

There is no better time than RIGHT NOW to be happy.
So, work like you don't need money,
Love like you've never been hurt,
& dance like no one's watching,
Happiness is a JOURNEY, not a destination, so keep smiling.

Meena

Originally Posted by varalotti

This Lakshmi Is A Little Daring, Isn’t She?

Lakshmi married her college sweetheart Shiva. Though the courtship had continued unbroken since the college days, the marriage took place when Lakshmi was a Professor in a local college and Shiva was employed as an Officer in a nationalised bank. Both earned well and led an affluent life. They had two children well spaced out.

When both the children were ready for school, Shiva’s career ambition became intense. He switched over to a Foreign Bank as its Marketing Manager in a far off place. Lakshmi’s job was not transferable. Now she had to manage the household work, take care of the children and do justice to her job. As Shiva’s earnings were considerable Lakshmi suggested that she quit the job and they all can live together at the place where Shiva worked.

Lakshmi was on a secured Government job with UGC scales of pay. Shiva did not want to forego the additional income. He asked Lakshmi to wait for two more years so that they could decide one way or other.

Those two years were hell for Lakshmi. The couple met only once in 3 or four months. To Lakshmi life was all work and no fun. At the end of two years Shiva was still not ready to sacrifice Lakshmi’s income. So he told Lakshmi to wait for two more years.

Lakshmi had had enough. She made it clear to Shiva that unless they lived together she was not interested in continuing with the marriage.

This came as a rude shock for Shiva as he had been very faithful to Lakshmi and thought sincerely that they were sacrificing only for the future of their children and the financial security of the family. But Lakshmi told that there was no point in continuing the relationship where they saw each other once in a blue moon. In due course she sent a divorce notice to Shiva.

This Lakshmi is daring, isn’t she? But is she right? Is she practical?

Thanks for your views and for your detailed note stressing the importance of enjoying in the present. Many lives have been ruined by postponing everything to an indefinite future which in many cases does not happen at all.
thanks once again for the detailed response.
sridhar

Dear Sridhar,

Daring ? Very daring.Well 50 50 u can say, this one is tough to decide who is right and who is wrong.

I will give u two real life examples of this kind.

A cousin and his brother, both in West Africa.Money is good in the business there, been established there for the last 40 years.One’s wife is in London with 2 kids, another;s in India one son.

They meet twice a year for a fortnight. Kids get the best education, talk everyday on phone,all the luxuries, but there is this separation.

This is what is life Sridhar, and they are carrying on well.

Well I would also like to be like Laxmi ‘s husband to make and save money for the future, with some sacrifices thrown in.

But then each to their own, what say ! Regards.kamal

Dear Kamal,
Yes, this is a tough case. But I for one think that unless the man and woman live together, marriage loses all its meaning. It is not just for sex. It's for a lot more things like companionship, friendship, sharing one's happiness and grief.. the list is endless.
And unless the couple live together in their young age, they cannot find solace in each other's company when they are old.
Examples like the one you have given are abound. I know the MD of a large manufacturing company. His wife also manages a large corporation. They live in the same house, but that's only technically. Their travel schedule is so hectic that they meet for four hours once in a month in a star hotel in Chennai. Then they go their separate ways.
Somehow that makes me sad, Kamal.
When you told us that you are enjoying your life with your wife, with your evening drinks and all, I started liking you so much. I am sure that the company MD might never enjoy that kind of happiness.
love,
sridhar

Originally Posted by Kamalji

Dear Sridhar,

Daring ? Very daring.Well 50 50 u can say, this one is tough to decide who is right and who is wrong.

I will give u two real life examples of this kind.

A cousin and his brother, both in West Africa.Money is good in the business there, been established there for the last 40 years.One’s wife is in London with 2 kids, another;s in India one son.

They meet twice a year for a fortnight. Kids get the best education, talk everyday on phone,all the luxuries, but there is this separation.

This is what is life Sridhar, and they are carrying on well.

Well I would also like to be like Laxmi ‘s husband to make and save money for the future, with some sacrifices thrown in.

But then each to their own, what say ! Regards.kamal