Objection, Your Honour!

It is a big bad world out there. Everyone is out to con you if you are a consumer which you invariably are. Even a guy who sells you eggs are tomato talks as if he is selling precious stones and charges as much and you find yourself saddled with eggs and tomatos that seem to be participating in a reality show called "Which is the Most Rotten of Them All?".
The problem is that all these sales guys take the first three letters of the word CONSUMER very seriously and try to con you.
So there must be some kind of a mechanism to protect you from these crooks. So why fear my dear when there are consumer courts?
I have a grouse against the claims made in TV ads.. None of them deliver what the products promoted in them promise. This is particularly true of certain brands of toothpaste. Since I am too busy to file a complaint before a consumer court in reality I filed one in my imagination. Here are the excerpts of the proceedings.
The Judge: So what is the case about?
Yours Truly (YT): Your honour, it is all about the toothpastes not living up to the promises they make on TV.
Judge: Why did your teeth fall off because of using them?
YT: I wouldn’t mind the teeth falling off. It is far worse.
Judge: Well, shoot.
YT: Did you see the ad on the TV about the toothpaste with cooling crystals?
Judge: (to himself) Wasn’t the female cop sexy. (To YT): Well what about that?
YT: In the ad when the guy in the car breathes into the brethalyzer machine the cop flips for him and asks him to exhale again.
Judge: So?
YT: When he does she goes gaga over him and gives him her phone number and whispers "Call me".
Judge (Lost in reverie puts himself in the position of that driver for a second but is shaken out of it by a thunderous cry of "Objection your honour"
Judge: (Still shaking, to the guy who yelled)- And who on earth are you
The Guy: : I am the lawyer for the toothpaste firm.
Judge:: And what is your objection?
The Lawyer: Nothing I didn’t get a chance to speak so far. So I lost my patience and shouted. Please treat this as an anticipatory objection to what the plaintiff is going to say.
Judge: And what is he going to say?
Lawyer: I will save him the trouble of saying it. He is going to say that after brushing his teeth he went for a walk and breathed out with an aaaaah! wherever he saw a pretty girl.
YT: Thanks pal. And none of them gave me their mobile number and whispered "Call me". Believing the toothpaste wallahs on the cooling crystal business has really broken my heart. The only creature which reacted to all my aaahs is a dog which barked and tried to jump on me.
Lawyer: May be it is the dog’s way of saying "Call me". The entire court laughs and the judge in the manner of a true filmy judge: Order, order!
(The laughter subsides).
Judge to YT: So what do you want?
YT: At least Rs 15 million , 10 million for misleading me and five million for the heartbreak.
Lawyer (Again in true Bollywood lawyer style): Objection your honour!
Judge: Not again! Now what do you want?
Lawyer: The plaintiff failed to mention that the fragrance or cooling power of the toothpaste had its effect only on a female cop dressed in blue jeans and blue shirt. If the plaintiff can get hold of such a lady cop, my clients would be happy to demonstrate the effect of the toothpaste.
YT: But such cops don’t exist in India. Cops don’t wear blue jeans on duty: I would like another few million bucks on that ground. For deceiving me that such cops existed.
Lawyer: It isn’t real you see?

YT: That’s exactly the point. I have been cheated by these people.
The judge: (to himself): Now I remember, when I used that toothpaste, the missus slept in the guest room! (Brimming with righteous wrath to YT). I award you Rs 20 million as compensation. Let this be a lesson to all these companies from cheating the consumers.!
The piteous objections of the toothpaste co’s lawyer faded away as somebody hit me on the knee waking me up with a start.
I found myself in the middle of a road with a hefty policewoman (in khaki not blues) glaring at me!!
"Get on the foothpath! Don’t you know there is a VIP movement on? If you want to go for a morning walk stay on the footpath! ." she yelled. "And what is all these aaahs. Are you nuts or something?" .

Balajee,
very nice imagination...
Consumer courts would be full, if each and every one complains about any product, they bought after watching the ad. and comes to know that it is not upto the standard advertised by the company.
Starting from the children's food to whatever you want to buy ..there is 'con' hiding..

sriniketan

Dear Balajee
A great satire on Brand Equity! I too saw that ad and liked particularly that portion where the driver gets a flashback of his early morning session with that tooth paste. If I had been the one thus 'marked' by a vivacious female cop, I would have put it down my Rushdie-like countenance and would never have attributed it to some darned tooth paste! But that guy in the ad had very little opinion of himself and naturally his mind travelled straight to the paste with the cooling crystals. A clever message there that the cooling crystals really made your partner hot for you!

Loved this satire! Keep them coming buddy!
Sri

Dear Balajee,

Hilarious is teh word.HAHA.What brand do u drink at night ! Let me know the secret of yr suoperb Blogs man.

You are lucky u met a woman cop, i havnt seen one in my life, u know.Lucky guy.

Regards.kamal

Vow! What creativity out of a tooth paste ad! Leaving apart the humour, yes all ads take the consumer for a ride! Great writing. Enjoyed thoroughly!
Regards,
Malathi

Dear Balajee.,

Good one !! Enjoyed a lot with your words.... Keep it up !!
I see many companies "Consumer based" are having an eye on you .....Take care !

Best Wishes,

Dear Balajee sir,

That was a thoughtful and hailarious write up...:)
I have seen that AD but i can imagine through your writings..
People are being explioted by all these colorful ads..they waste their hard earned money thinking that ..they Ad's are very true..
Becoming Fair in 7 days, buy one two free.....

Yemararavanga irukiravarikum Yemathravanga iruka thaan seivanga....

Originally Posted by Kamalji

Dear Balajee,

Hilarious is teh word.HAHA.What brand do u drink at night ! Let me know the secret of yr suoperb Blogs man.

You are lucky u met a woman cop, i havnt seen one in my life, u know.Lucky guy.

Regards.kamal

Kamalji, my creativity springs from Old Monk. It is a spiritul drink. The monk adds a touch of religiosity and the initials are the spiritual OM. Switch over from B/L to OM

Originally Posted by cheeniya

Dear Balajee
A great satire on Brand Equity! I too saw that ad and liked particularly that portion where the driver gets a flashback of his early morning session with that tooth paste. If I had been the one thus 'marked' by a vivacious female cop, I would have put it down my Rushdie-like countenance and would never have attributed it to some darned tooth paste! But that guy in the ad had very little opinion of himself and naturally his mind travelled straight to the paste with the cooling crystals. A clever message there that the cooling crystals really made your partner hot for you!

Loved this satire! Keep them coming buddy!
Sri

Cheeniya sir, thanks. The next time I am in Chennai and I have to look for you, I will look for a Salman Rushdie lookalike.

wow a very nice post...with lot of imagination...keep posting !!