Making the Wrong Decision.........But Twice????

Nanditha was senior to me in college by three years. Though I would not call her a friend we knew each other quite well as we met almost everyday on our way to college. She was also doing her CA and actually quite instrumental in me opting for the same course .She was a very brilliant girl and did extremely well in studies but not very good in the looks department, quite dark ,thin and uneven teeth. Hence or for whatever other reason known best to her, she would always dress up a little ostentatiously.

She always wore more makeup than most of the other girls and flashier clothes and accessories which we all felt never suited her. Of course we never told her but being girls, we talked about it to each other. I used to like her because she made us all laugh a lot.

She was quite fun to be with, always cracking jokes, talking more about boys than any of us. We used to travel to college by train together. One day she told us about this boy whom she had taken a liking to…. One Mihir …. he was a delivery man with some Provision shop, according to her very good looking but a fairer version of Mithun Chakraborty , we all decided and giggled. Moreover he used to hang around in the station staring at girls so none of us really liked him.


Well, five years back I heard that they had got married. It was quite shocking to me that a professionally qualified well employed girl like her would take this adolescent crush to the level of marriage .Both were of different castes, diff cultures ,diff economical background and so her family naturally opposed the marriage. .How do girls take such decisions I wondered but recalling her smiling face wished her all the very best from the bottom of my heart.

A month back I received the tragic news about her death .. She had gone , leaving her daughter of one year behind .My friends said she had committed suicide leaving a note that she had had enough of life . I was horrified at this news… This time I thought how dare she take this decision…. A qualified financially independent girl like her, Couldn’t she have walked out of the marriage with her daughter….... I mean even if her parents did not stand by her she had run away from the house the first time to marry him .Couldn’t she have walked away too with the same boldness… .... really could not understand it and grieved for her baby..

Both times she had made the wrong decision, I thought. But who am I to judge? Just recalled the fun and laughter of those college days and could only pray that her soul rests in peace…

Dear Mindian,

Many intelligent girls and boys end up making their life very messy. Queer are the ways of the world. Actions in life is beyond reason and rhyme. This is where destiny plays its role.
My daughter has a friend who has committed a blunder of more or less of the same degree. But she is alive.
I know a lady working as a teacher married the peon. But life continues. I don't know how far and what kind of compromises have they made.
We say planetary position in the birth chart plays a crucial role in deciding such matters. kanaka

Dear Mindi,

A very sad post indeed... Some people are scared to face problems..thats why they take these kind of wrong decisions.... A mother of a one year old infant has definetly taken a worst decision....But nothing is their to cry over spilt milk....I feel sorry for your friend dear ....

I remeber the saying.."All Men make mistakes but only Fools Repeat Them!!"

Dear Mindi,

Sad to read the story of a precious life wasted for nothing.

I guess the second decision was a result of the first bad decision. Many times bad decisions have a ripple effect and one has to be very strong mentally to stop the ripples and pull oneself out of it. Not everyone can boast of such strength.

I wonder if in her case, her not-so-good looks made her take the first decision. Whether we agree with it or not, we all know that good looks are valued in society, be it Indian or western. May be she had a deep seated inferiority complex and an insecurity that she will not be good enough for any decent looking or decently placed guy that made her choose a completely disparate life partner?

I guess the thing for all of us to think about is that we all have limitations. How we handle them is what makes or breaks our life. If we can learn and force ourselves to build on our positives and try to accept our limitations, we will be more secure in ourselves. We will not need external forces to "approve" us or to make us feel secure and worthwhile. Easy to say but very tough to implement I know.

SS

Dear Mindi,

You keep noting that the most successful and independent people are more prone to suicide. Actors, singers, models, financially indepenent women fear loneliness and cannot accept rejection. They are so used to grab the winning post all the time. When fate takes the ugly turn they succumb to negativity and end their life.

Originally Posted by kanaka

Dear Mindian,

Many intelligent girls and boys end up making their life very messy. Queer are the ways of the world. Actions in life is beyond reason and rhyme. This is where destiny plays its role.
My daughter has a friend who has committed a blunder of more or less of the same degree. But she is alive.
I know a lady working as a teacher married the peon. But life continues. I don't know how far and what kind of compromises have they made.
We say planetary position in the birth chart plays a crucial role in deciding such matters. kanaka

hi kanaka,
thanks for stepping in...it is great to hear of such marriages surviving...
Mindi

Originally Posted by brindhak

Dear Mindi,

A very sad post indeed... Some people are scared to face problems..thats why they take these kind of wrong decisions.... A mother of a one year old infant has definetly taken a worst decision....But nothing is their to cry over spilt milk....I feel sorry for your friend dear ....

I remeber the saying.."All Men make mistakes but only Fools Repeat Them!!"

dear brindha,
thanks for your fb...yes it was asad case...if only she had the guts to face the world and admit her first decision was wrong....
Mindi

Originally Posted by soaringspirit

Dear Mindi,

Sad to read the story of a precious life wasted for nothing.

I guess the second decision was a result of the first bad decision. Many times bad decisions have a ripple effect and one has to be very strong mentally to stop the ripples and pull oneself out of it. Not everyone can boast of such strength.

I wonder if in her case, her not-so-good looks made her take the first decision. Whether we agree with it or not, we all know that good looks are valued in society, be it Indian or western. May be she had a deep seated inferiority complex and an insecurity that she will not be good enough for any decent looking or decently placed guy that made her choose a completely disparate life partner?

I guess the thing for all of us to think about is that we all have limitations. How we handle them is what makes or breaks our life. If we can learn and force ourselves to build on our positives and try to accept our limitations, we will be more secure in ourselves. We will not need external forces to "approve" us or to make us feel secure and worthwhile. Easy to say but very tough to implement I know.

SS

wow SS,

your fb is too good...u are a great analyser and write very clearly to the point...i read somewhere that u give the perfect solutions to problems faced by ilites in the personal column..i can second that opinion...now..thanks for stepping in...

mindi

Dear Mindi,

I agree with SS. She comes out with such a valid point always, It is joy to read her FBs and I never miss the opportunity.

People also need mental strength to face situation in life. Maybe a wrong decision could have been made into a right one but she didnt have that courage or strength. Too sad to hear this Mindi.

Dear Mindi,

Very tragic story of your friend.She made a mistake once which young people do. But somehow I think,if only she had the support of her parents who could have forgiven her mistake she would have survived.My heart goes out to her little daughter.

What her parents must be going through to lose her.Such an educated woman.....ended her life this way.may her soul rest in peace.

meera