Silly Beretta

Beretta! The word hit me like a bullet. Berettas are small, compact revolvers that could be concealed easily. in all sorts of places. James Bond often used a Beretta to dispatch baddies to happy hunting grounds. But a menu card was the last place you would expect to find one.

And that was where I found Beretta. It was on the menu card of a restaurant in a small Tamil Nadu town where I vacation every year. It was stuck between bajji and bonda.


I called the waiter and asked how did the weapon find its place in the menu. He looked puzzled first but then looked at the card and smiled.“Aiyo! Saar, that is not Beretta but baratta”.

At last enlightenment descended on me. For the unenlightened ones baratta meant paratha,, the, lovely.circular. highly calorific roti-like preparation that is had either plain or stuffed.. It is particularly great when dripping with ghee and sends your bad Cholestrol levels skyrocketting.

Due to the confusion between the sounds of a P and a B in Tamil, it incarnated as Baratta.(The Paratha –Baratta confusion you will find even in the poshest eateries of Tamil Nadu) and due to some printer’s devil (or is it printer’s prankster angel?) it morphed into Beretta in the menu.

After being shocked, confused and amused by the word in the bill of fare, , it seemed unfair not to order the dish. And I did.
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What arrived almost knocked me down. Even a Beretta bullet probably wouldn’t have had that kind of impact on me (provided it was fired from beyond its range).

What was on my plate seemed like the outcome of an unhappy marriage between a spring roll and pakoda (spelt in the menu card as pagoda) . It was garnished with spring onions that appeared to be in their winter and an evil-looking sauce that resembled Count Dracula’s favourite drink. I asked the waiter what it was.

“Silly Baratta, saar” said the puzzled waiter.

Further confusion. Years of eating parathas had not prepared me for the bite-sized, mostly soft and slightly crispy, round morsels on my plate. I was ready to accept paratha as baratta and even Beretta. Bur why didn’t the thing on my plate resemble anything that the civilized world knew as paratha? And for God’s sake what was silly about it?

“Silly saar, milagai” said the waiter.

Now enlightenment No.2 dawned on me. It was chilly paratha and the evil looking sauce was the good ol' red chilly sauce you find in your friendly neighbourhood Chinese eatery into which no self-respecting Chinese will ever set his/her foot.. To justify the nomenclature of the dish the sauce had been poured on it rather generously.

Still the mystery remained unsolved. Where was the paratha? The waiter appeared tired of giving explanations and was about to leave but I stopped him to ask about the whereabouts of the paratha.

. “On your plate saar” he said with a look of agony and puzzlement. .

“But it doesn’t look like baratta (I didn’t use the word paratha so that the poor chap didn’t get confused).. Barattas look like chapattis”

Now it was the waiter’s turn to receive enlightenment. “This is the kothu baratta saar” he said smiling at last. “It doesn’t look like chapatti. It is soft and resembles a filled pouch. Before the dish is served It is chopped and shallow fried on a griddle and garnished with condiments. It tastes real good saar. Try it.”

I tried it and it did taste good.for a man with an undemanding palate like me. I suppose you could have called it paratha sorry baratta manchurian if it had some gravy..

But the waiter told me that it was the hottest item on the restaurant’s menu. It was made only on Wednesdays and Fridays and finished fast. I was lucky (?!) to be in time on a Wednesday to enjoy (!?) it

Some people even went to the kitchen to watch the spectacle of it being prepared as the chef rhythmically hit the griddle with a spatula to chop the baratta producing musical sounds like that of a xylophone.

I never ordered it afterwards. I didn’t want the image of a paratha deeply embedded in my mind for years to crumble though when I took my daughter to that restaurants she ordered two plates of it and used it as a side dish with her chapatti! She must have been the first person to have paratha as a side dish with chapatti. We finished ourr meal with what the menu card said was gulpy (It turned out to be khulfi) .

Well, I suppose one person’s baratta is another’s Beretta!

Dear Balaji,

This reminds me another thing. Malayalis pronounce Marathi(maratti) like chappathi.
So now when my husband enquires what we have for dinner wtih chappatthi(chapatti) I say Marathi.
Gets furious. kanaka

Dear Balajee,

HAHA.So u have a Baretta in yr Tummy eh ! Hilarious as only u can write.Did u tip that poor waiter for giving u reason for a blog.Regards.kamal

Hi Balajee Sir,

Very hilarious one from you..its very funny to know you daughter had kottu paratha with chapathi as a side dish.. About this kottu paratha, when i went to chennai for my college there i heard first about this.. everybody is telling its very good.. one day i got a chance to taste this street food(ofcourse not in a restuarant).. it is very good.. from that day onwards we friends were present at the pushcart opposite to our college bus stop in the evening and that push cart wala was very happy to sever us daily.. and if we miss and day or during holidays.. he used to tell us he missed his regular customers so much

Balajee,
Now I know what 'kottu paratta' meant..it can also be used as a side-dish, wonderful ..
Chilly became silly and parota became Beretta...superb...

sriniketan

..It was a hilarious piece..

As you say about the confusion between the sounds of P and B....I am reminded of our days in Orissa. We grew up there ....for 7 years... There, in the local language...the same confusion sometimes with the sounds of B and V...
One Uncle used to have fun with his name..He was Vaithialingam...It was written and pronounced there as Bhaithialingam in the local language.He used to often tell us..now if I write in Tamil as Baithialingam....it can be easily confused by some as Paithialingam....(for those who don't know....Paithiam is mad/crazy in tamil)..

Bye

haha balajee..that was hilarious...enjoyed it with my daughter......

Mindi

Balajee,

'Silly Beretta' and 'Gulpy' are hilarious names. Enjoyed reading.
Similarly,in a restaurant in Chennai, Pav bhaji was spelt Bau baaji,chana masala became senna masala.

In a Mumbai hotel,Medu vada was called Mendu Vada[mendu meaning head].

meera

Originally Posted by kanaka

Dear Balaji,

This reminds me another thing. Malayalis pronounce Marathi(maratti) like chappathi.
So now when my husband enquires what we have for dinner wtih chappatthi(chapatti) I say Marathi.
Gets furious. kanaka

Does he belong to Shiv Sena by any chance?

Hilarious! I always love reading your posts - they crack me up. Your style of writing and word-play is inimitable! The mystery of the Silly Beretta was surely a fun experience for you to solve :)