Not So Mobile

“:You don’t have WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I feared that the woman at the other end was having a heart attack. Crazed Luddites are as rare as dinosaurs and dodos. So it must have been a massive shock for her to talk to a person who she probably suspected, fell into that category.

“Aadmi hai ki pajama, mobile phone bhi nahin hai uske paas” (Is he a man or a pyjama, does not even have a mobile phone), I heard her telling someone. Soon she got back to me. “Sir..” she began. “Pyjama” I said and put the receiver down.

She was one of the call center girls wooing subscribers for a mobile phone service. Normally they have the right data about people who own mobiles but in my case , she probably took it for granted that any upper middle class person would own one and boy, was she wrong.

That’s true. I don’t own a mobile aka cellphone.

There are three mobiles at home and two of them are in working condition. I am proud to say that none of them belong to me.

No, I am no technology hating Luddite. I don’t own a mobile for the simple reason that I once had one. It was one of those primitive models and weighed a ton. I didn’t really own it but had to carry the office mobile all the time and even whilte sleeping it had to be my constant companion, due to professional reasons.

My then job as a correspondent of a foreign news agency required that I would be available to my headquarters all the time. I was on alert for 24 hours as my agency was too stingy to expand its two men India bureau. To enable my superiors abroad to contact me anytime, in case of an emergency or in case of what they thought to be an emergency, the mobile had to remain switched on.

And they called me mostly when they thought there was an emergency but it really was not and the calls came invariably at the wrong time.

For instance, the mobile , which had an ominous ring tone that would have been more appropriate for a horror movie background score, would ring while I was working out at the gym.

Imagine your mobile making a sudden spooky noise while you are doing the bench press with heavy weights. It happened to me several times and for the first couple of times I nearly dropped the weights in a shock.

“Two killed in zee Kashmir. By zee (the) militants. Check pliss?” the guy at the other end would say. sorely testing English language and my patience.

No point in telling them two is no big deal. More guys get killed in Delhi every day. The response would still be “Would you check, pliss?”


If I could have got hold of zee guy I would have hit on zee head with zee mobile smashing zee skull. The mobile was heavy enough to be a murder weapon.

While calls from the H.Q. could be termed necessary evil, how would you feel while working out, your mobile rings and you have someone from pizza chain at the other end announcing their latest price concessions? It is amazing how they find out your number. They are wasting their time and talent vending pizzas. They should be working as sleuths with some intelligence organizations.

When I quit my job with the agency the first thing I did was to hand over the mobile phone. It was really a load off my heart and neck from which it was hanging most of the time.

Few modern gadgets mirror our lack of concern for our fellow beings as the mobile phone. Once while boarding a plane in Madurai, l the passenger in my next seat was toying with a mobile and throwing sidelong glances at me., Obviously, he wanted me to be impressed by it.

As soon as the plane took off and an announcement was made asking the passengers to switch off the mobiles as their signals could interfere with the electronic equipment on board, the guy promptly called a number and boomed “Hullooo” loud enough for all the passengers and crew to hear.

“Didn’t you hear the announcement” I asked him angrily. “I am so-and-so minister’s such-and-such relative”he said looking at me with contempt.

I think, the crew got the message too and didn’t interfere. Even the plane’s equipment were probably impressed by his credentials and behaved very well despite his constantly haranguing someone on the mobile all through the 50 minute journey to Chennai..

And once in Delhi while driving back from work, I was caught in a massive traffic jam. The cause was one guy who was responsible enough not to use his mobile while driving and parked it at a turning and went on and on and on. In a city thick with more vehicles than roads could take even a cycle breaking down could cause a traffic jam and this chap was driving a huge BMW.

At cinemas and theatres mobiles tend to put up an alternative show with a medley of their tunes. At a performance of a play by a well known theatre personality and film actor, he was at pains to stress that the mobiles must be off before the show began. His request was promptly followed by a ring tone and the ubiquitous “Hallooo!”


Only at Indian classical music concerts in Delhi mobiles tend to remain silent maybe due to respect or fear. Some of these classical performers have a temper. If a mobile phone rings, they could smash the tanpura up the guilty party’s head and walk out in a rage.


And another reason I don’t own a mobile phone is that they now tend to have too many functions for a person like me who is not techno savvy. And the jargon is intimidating. What, for instance, is bluetooth? I only know white tooth, yellow tooth and rotting tooth.

That is why my favorite mobile phone nowadays is a model I can’t afford even in my sweetest dreams. It is called Cobra. No fancy gizmo this. It is a simple telecom instrument.. Even if you had enough money to spare, Cobra could take a big venomous bite of your bank balance. You see, it is priced around 10 million rupees.

Hi Balajee,
Congrats on winning the FP for June.That was hilarious!!! It is a menace of sorts that rings at wrong times but is had become unavoidable. The woman's shock is understandable as nobody lives without this gadget these days. From 'palkaran' to politician though their models of mobiles might vary. With my mobile down due to techmnical problems I was left without one and it was such a relief, no it did not last, Iam saddled with a replacement now. In temples and cinemas when it does ring then it is such a nuisance when the person answers it loud enough for the whole world to hear, Boy !!! Your flight companion seems one like that, loud and clear .Stay on like that as long as you can that is Bliss!!!!!!

Originally Posted by Jananikrithsan

Hi Balajee,
Congrats on winning the FP for June.That was hilarious!!! It is a menace of sorts that rings at wrong times but is had become unavoidable. The woman's shock is understandable as nobody lives without this gadget these days. From 'palkaran' to politician though their models of mobiles might vary. With my mobile down due to techmnical problems I was left without one and it was such a relief, no it did not last, Iam saddled with a replacement now. In temples and cinemas when it does ring then it is such a nuisance when the person answers it loud enough for the whole world to hear, Boy !!! Your flight companion seems one like that, loud and clear .Stay on like that as long as you can that is Bliss!!!!!!

Janani, tks.Don't be surprised if you get SMSes from beggars seeking alms.

hi balaji,
rightly said people look at you differently these if you dont have a mobile.and moreover if you have a ancient model it is called a "brick" and with models changing quite frequently we want one every few months.i think mobiles have become basic necessities these days.but sometimes of a nuisance when you really want to have some time of your own they ring tring tring tring!!!!!!!!!
regards
pavi

Hi Balajee,

that was one hilarious post...reminds me of my daughters comments on seeing hubby dears cellphone....appa it is so obsolete...let me help u SELECT one..his reply....i am perfectly happy with my old model ....sure that nobody will ever flick it ...and yes back in blr i was shocked to hear loud kannada ringtones when i had to call a cab/ricksha...enjoyed your post and congrats on winning the FP for the month of june....

Mindi

Dear Balajee,

Congrats for winning the FB for June, which u richly deserve.So Nostrodamus was right after all eh !


And u are right about the disturbing ring tones.At a crematioum if one such rings, im sure the dead body will come alive and run to escape the tones.

And I am sure u don’t want to carry a mobile to escape from yr wife’s calls, and even the police cant trace u as they do these days, bu coming to know where one is from the signals from the mobile towers.So up to any mischief ????

Rollicking blog.just loved it.


Regards.kamal

Originally Posted by Kamalji

Dear Balajee,

Congrats for winning the FB for June, which u richly deserve.So Nostrodamus was right after all eh !


And u are right about the disturbing ring tones.At a crematioum if one such rings, im sure the dead body will come alive and run to escape the tones.

And I am sure u don’t want to carry a mobile to escape from yr wife’s calls, and even the police cant trace u as they do these days, bu coming to know where one is from the signals from the mobile towers.So up to any mischief ????

Rollicking blog.just loved it.


Regards.kamal

More than my wife, Kamalji my not carrying a mobile ensures that my daughter does not trace me.Otherwise she would perster me to get all sorts of things throughout the day.

Nice post. Yes...mobiles are a nuisance...though i feel its handy at times. I cant imagine not carrying mine. I agree with you on the ring tones though.....but you should hear some of the greet tunes people have.

Congrats on winning the Fp , Balajee

One more humourous post.. written very well.. ya these things can be very annoying sometimes. also useful too if need be! keep writing:)

Dear Balajee.

a very hilarious post. These gadgets can be annoyance as thay can be essential as well.